Silly Joke #1
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with great tears in his eyes… He then said, ” You know, one would have been enough son…”
Silly Joke #2
A very prideful Christian woman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.” Miraculously, a parking space suddenly opened up right in front of her destination. The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord, I found one on my own!”
Silly Joke #3
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial–a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.” At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!”
Bonus Silly Joke (Adults only)
Two quite elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So, she used “blow-up” dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned… how was it for you?” The second man replied, “I think mine was a witch.” The first man asked, “How’s that?” “Well,” said the second man, “when I began to nibble on her a little… she farted and quickly flew out the window!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
