Why does it always seem like those who live hedonistically, that tend to put their own needs, wants, and desires in front of everyone else’s, often seem to succeed in comparison to those who regularly try their best to be selfless, kind, and good-natured people on this planet?
I honestly wish I had the answer to this question, especially as of late, because I keep finding myself getting frustrated at the number of people I know who are promiscuous and yet have suffered no consequences whatsoever from doing so, even after years, and maybe even decades of living that way.
That being said, my personal sexual conduct was quite atrocious between 1995 and 2011. I definitely lived a hedonistic life to say the least for much of that time period until eventually my mind and body began to suffer because of it. So, why isn’t it that those who are still living like I once did, going through multiple sex partners on some type of regular basis, or regularly living in other hedonistic ways ever seemingly paying for it?
Many religious folks often answer this question with passages that basically say it’ll catch up to them in the long run. But, I’ve most certainly known people in this life who lived out their entire lives promiscuously, never once suffering even remotely close to what I’ve experienced thus far. Others often tell me not to worry about any of those still living hedonistically, because God has a great plan for me and all this suffering is going to eventually lead to it, yet nine years later, I’m really struggling to keep on believing that. And then there’s those who make sure to adamantly state that on judgment day all will receive accordingly to how they lived their lives, but if I go on that logic, most of those same people who say this, also feel that me being in a monogamous gay relationship is just as bad, so this point doesn’t hold much weight to me either. Regardless, I’m frustrated. Frustrated for continuing to see people doing the exact same things I once did hedonistically, yet never facing any ramifications from it and having great lives.
The fact is, I don’t know why my former hedonistic ways affected me so deeply on such a negative level, one that stopped me dead in my tracks before I even turned 40, while others I know in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, and even 80’s are able to keep doing much of what I once did, and never experience any ill effects from it .
WAAAAH. I’m sure that’s how I sound at the moment, but here’s the deeper reality I’m seeing through all this. I never liked living hedonistically, because it consistently felt like I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of unfulfilled needs. Living that way made me so deeply insecure as well, always looking for something outside of myself to fill that deep pit of emptiness within me. So, on some level, all the pain and suffering I’ve experienced starting at the tail end of my former hedonistic life has actually helped me. Not only has it helped me to see how spiritually toxic a life I used to be living, but it’s also helped me to become a much more selfless being who has a whole heck of a lot of compassion now for others I never used to care about. In other words, it’s been through all this pain and suffering that an incredible spiritual transformation has been taking place. One that has helped me to become more of service to my Higher Power’s needs, wants, and desires, than me looking at how the world can service my own needs, wants, and desires.
So, while I may complain about my pain and suffering from time to time, especially because of how long it’s gone on for, in the same breath, I think it’s important to keep on thanking God for it, because at least I am able to look in the mirror these days and know I’m doing my best to give back to the world, instead of constantly being on the lookout for all the ways I can take from it…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
