Silly Joke #1
John: “I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes!”
Friend: “How?”
John: “I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.”
Silly Joke #2
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. “Stay out of those,” she said, “they’re for the funeral!”
Silly Joke #3
One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guy says, “I found out my brother is gay.” The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guys says, “I just found out my other brother is gay!” The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guy says, “I can’t believe it, but when two of my brothers came out, my oldest decided to finally tell me he was gay too!“ The bartender says, “What the hell! Doesn’t anyone like women anymore?” The guy says, “Yeah, my sister!”
Bonus Silly Joke
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. “What I mean,” said Tim, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.” The clerk handed him a mirror.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
