Silly Joke #1
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your grandma’s the best sex in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your grandma, and it was suh-weeeet!” Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “And your grandma liked it!!” Finally the guy interrupts …” Go home, Grandpa, you’re drunk!”
Silly Joke #2
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box, opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out again, went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the neighbor came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed, harder than ever. Puzzled by his neighbors actions, he asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
Silly Joke #3
A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. “Don’t go,” he yelled at the screen. “Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!” His wife called from the kitchen, “What on earth are you watching, is it a horror movie?” “Yes hon, it’s our wedding video!”
Bonus Silly Joke
One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the postman comments. Bob in obvious pain replies, “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing ‘Who Am I.'” The postman thinks a moment and says, “How do you play that?” Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our “privates” showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.” The mailman laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.” “Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up four or five times.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
