“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.” (Matthew 6:5-6 NIV)
I recently attended a Sunday service at my best friend’s evangelical church while visiting him in Massachusetts. While I’m not one for organized religion, especially of the evangelical kind, I went mostly because I had agreed that if he attended the spiritual center I regularly attend in Toledo that I would attend his place of worship as well. And, during his last visit, he indeed kept his word, thus, when I visited him over Martin Luther King weekend, it was my turn to keep mine.
That morning, as I stood during each worship song the live band played in front of me, I watched as many in attendance raised either one hand or two into the air and boldly exclaim their love for Jesus more often than not. It was tough for me and I honestly felt rather uncomfortable, as I have in every single evangelical church I’ve ever been in attendance to in the past.
Why did I feel so uncomfortable? Because I’ve always felt that what Christ meant in Matthew 6, versus 5-6, is that prayer and praise isn’t ever meant to be showy. Rather, it’s meant to be humbler and done in private. And that’s the very thing I’ve done throughout all the moments of my life where I’ve done my best to pursue a deeper relationship with God.
Ironically, there have been many times in my own home, when I’m by myself, listening to music that moves my soul, in places like my shower, or kneeling at the foot of my bed, where I too have raised my hands and said “Praise Jesus”, where tears have flown from my eyes, where I’ve felt much closer to God because of it all. But, I’ve never really felt comfortable doing any of that whatsoever in any of the churches I’ve ever attended, even when the majority of those around me were doing it. I’ve even attempted at times to do it anyway when those around me were doing it, often simply to conform, hoping it made me feel something. You know, like when in Rome, do as the Romans do kind of thing? But, it’s never really worked for me, just as showy religion really never has worked for me either. Dancing in aisles, raising hands with others, shouting various praises for Christ at certain moments of worship, none of it has ever felt comfortable to me and on some level, has always felt rather contrived. What HAS felt natural to me though has typically come when I’ve been feeling totally frustrated and at my weakest, enduring all my hurt and pain by myself in various places of solitude. As it’s consistently been in each of those places, where I’ve always felt the closest to the Lord and never held back from showing that.
Look, I know it’s not my place to knock what may work for someone else who enjoys those evangelical praise and worship types of services. Because frankly, I believe there are many ways to interpret scripture from any book of faith, as I am in this case, where I personally believe that Christ always felt the closest to God through prayer and praise in only those deep moments of solitude, where He was at His most vulnerable and exposed, as I too have experienced in my own journey of faith.
Dear God, help me to always remember that prayer and praise is different for every individual and that all that ultimately matters is developing a closer relationship with You.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
