Silly Joke #1
I called the RSPCA today and said, “I’ve just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs.” “That’s terrible,” she replied. “Are they moving?” “I’m not sure, to be honest,” I said, “But that would explain the suitcase.”
Silly Joke #2
There was a nun whose old body began to surrender to time. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into “worldly pleasures”, she huffily declined. But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn’t help and the aged sister approached her final hour. As several nuns gathered around her at her bedside, the Mother Superior asked if she wanted to leave them with any words of wisdom. “Oh, yes,” she replied. “Never sell that cow!”
Silly Joke #3
There was a little boy in kindergarten. At the end of one cold winter day, when all the other children were leaving, the teacher found him crying, so she asked him what was wrong. He sobbed, “I can’t find my boots.” The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots. “Are these yours?” “No, they’re not mine,” said the little boy, shaking his head. The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots. Finally, the teacher gave up, “Are you SURE those boots are not yours?” “I’m sure,” the boy sobbed, “mine had snow on them.”
Bonus Silly Joke
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?” “Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.” “He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.” “You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.” “Well, screw him!” said John. “I did. You’re back at work on Monday!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
