Silly Joke #1
There was an Irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy who worked construction together. They were working on top of a building one day, and it was lunch time. The Irish man opens his lunch pail and he sees he has cabbage and beef, and he says, ‘If I get one more beef and cabbage for lunch I’m gonna jump off of this building!’ Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and he gets a burrito, he says, ‘if I get one more burrito for lunch I’m gonna jump off this building!’ The blond man opens his lunch pail and gets a bologna sandwich. He says, ‘if I get one more bologna sandwich I’m gonna jump off of this building!’ The next day the Irish man opens his lunch pail and finds cabbage and beef so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the Mexican opens hid lunch pail and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the blond guy opens his lunch pail and finds a bologna sandwich, so he jumps off to his death as well. The next day at their funeral the Irish man’s wife said, ‘If I only knew he was sick of cabbage and beef I would have packed him something else.’ Then the Mexican’s wife then said, ”If I only knew he didn’t like burritos, I would have packed something else.” Finally, the blond man’s wife said, ‘I don’t know what his problem was! He packed his own lunch!”
Silly Joke #2
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife who suddenly appeared at my side. “Hey, can you hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,” she said. So, I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich, when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard and I had no napkin, so I licked it off. It was NOT mustard! No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later my wife laughed at me and said, “Now you know why they call that mustard ‘Poupon!'”
Silly Joke #3
Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And then it was question time…. “So, Class,” he said, “my name begins with the letter ‘M,’ and I pick up things….What am I?” Little Johnny raised his hand and said said, “You’re a mother!”
Bonus Silly Joke
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.” As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
