Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a Torah scholar!” he says. “A Torah scholar, hmmm…” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?” “I will study…” the young man says, “and God will provide for us.” “And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father. “I will concentrate on my studies…” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.” “And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?” “I’m not worried sir…as I know God will provide for us!”, replies the fiancé. “The conversation continues like this, and each time the father asks a question, the fiancé insists that God will provide for them. A little while later after he and their daughter leave, the mother asks, “So, how did it go, Honey?” The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God!!!”

Silly Joke #2 (A throwback from 1995!) 

A mother was reading a children’s book about animals to her 3 year-old daughter:
Mother: ‘What does the cow say?’
Child: ‘Moooo!’
Mother: ‘Great! What does the cat say?’
Child: ‘Meow.’
Mother: ‘Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?’
The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, ‘Bud…Wize…Errrrr…’

Silly Joke 3

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?” “No,” the cook said, “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and a pair of running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.” “Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?” She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A Mom is driving her little girl to her friends house for a play date. “Mommy,” her little girl asks, “How old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.” “OK,” her little girl says, “How much do you weigh?” “Now really…” the mother says, “these are personal questions and are really not something you should be asking an adult honey.” Undaunted, her little girl then asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?” “Those are enough questions little lady, honestly!” The exasperated mother then walks away as the two friends begin to play. “My Mom won’t tell me anything!” her little girl says to her friend. “Well,” said the friend, “All you need to do is look at her drivers license. It’s like a report card and has everything on it!” Later that night her little girl says to her mother, “I now know how old you are mommy, you’re 32!” The mother is surprised and asks, “And how did you find that out?!” “I also know that you weigh 140 pounds!” The mother is past surprise and is now shocked. “How in heaven’s name did you find all this out?!” “And…” the little girl says triumphantly, “I now know why you and daddy got a divorce too!!!” “Oh really?” the mother asks sarcastically. “And why is that?” “Because you got an F in sex mommy!!!”

Peace, love light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson