Silly Joke #1
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood. To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared and where he had carved “I love you, Sally”. On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, and they don’t know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and its fifty-thousand dollars. The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back”. But she responds, “Finders keepers!!!” and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two policemen are going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. One knocks on the door and says, “Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” She responds, “No.” But the husband immediately says, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.” She then quickly responds, “Don’t you believe him, he’s getting senile.” So, the policemen sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, “Tell us the story from the beginning.” The old man says: “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday…” At this, the policeman looks at his partner and says, “We’re outta here !”
Silly Joke #2
Lee wasn’t the brightest guy in the world, and his co-workers were continually ribbing him on the job. One in particular, Rick, would greet him each morning and precipitate this exchange:
“Say Lee, you seen Ben?”
“Ben who?”
“Ben’ down and kiss my a$$!”
Tired of falling for the same joke day after day, Lee confided in his friend Susie who said, “Listen, next time you see Rick, ask him if he’s seen Eileen. Rick will ask, ‘Eileen who?’, and you say, ‘I lean over and you kiss MY a$$.'”
Memorizing his lines, Lee went to work early to wait for Rick. As soon as he arrived, Lee ran over to him and immediately said:
“Hey Rick…Have you seen Eileen?”
“No,” Rick answered, “she ran off with Ben.”
Lee frowned, “Ben who?”
Silly Joke #3
There was this party in the woods that had been going on when all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men at the party who were very drunk stumbled through the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain began to let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, “Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There’s an old guy’s face there!” (Was this a ghost?!?!?!) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, “Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!” So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, “What do you want???” The old man softly replied, “Do you have any tobacco?” The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, “He wants tobacco!” “Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!” the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, “Now, step on it!!!” rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, “So, what was that?!” The driver says, “I don’t know?!” Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!” the passenger yells. “Well, see what he wants now!” yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, “Yes?” “Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asks. The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, “COME ON, STEP ON IT!!!” They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! “OH MY GOD! HE’S BACK AGAIN!” He rolls down the window and screams out, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” in stark fear. The old man replies, “You want some help getting out of the mud?”
Bonus Silly Joke (2 short ones)
The lifeguard angrily told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool. “Look Mr. Lifeguard, everyone knows,” the mother lectured him, “that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!” “Oh really?” said the lifeguard, “from the diving board!?!?”
The other day I got carded at the liquor store. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. The clerk shook his head and said, “Never mind,” and rang me up.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
