Silly Joke #1
A guy goes to an interview for a government job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you a veteran?” The guy says, “Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.” “Good,” says the interviewer, “that counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?” The guy says, “In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my genitals so they declared me disabled… but it doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.” “Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in tomorrow about 10, and we’ll get you started.” The guy says, “If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?” “Well, here in the government offices, we don’t do anything but sit round and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point you coming in for that.”
Silly Joke #2
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. “You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.” “All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $700 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $600 a week plus room and board.” “Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. “Yeah,” the farmer said. “This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco.” “Aha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that man!” “Speaking,” said the farmer.
Silly Joke #3
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair.” Little Johnny is relieved, “Okay, Mrs Roberts, good to know. By the way, I didn’t do my homework last night.”
Bonus Silly Joke
The whole neighborhood knew it was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to them. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “But what’s the dollar for?” “Well,” she said, “Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, ‘Screw him. Give him a dollar.’ “The breakfast was my idea.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
