Silly Joke #1
A mother was preparing chocolate chip pancakes for her two twin five year old sons, Noah, and Jacob. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'” Noah turned to his brother and said, “Jacob, it’s ok if you want to be Jesus!”
Silly Joke #2
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’
Silly Joke #3
A man has been in hospital for a month. One day, he’s so sick and tired of being in hospital that he sneaks out and down to the nearest pub still in his hospital gown. He orders a beer and swallows the lot in ten seconds flat. He then orders a second beer and does the same. Then a third and a fourth. As he orders a fifth beer, he says to the barman, “I shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve got.” The barman gasps in alarm, “Oh my, what have you got?!” To which the hospital patient replies, “I’ve got no money.”
Bonus Silly Joke
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?” “My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.” “Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” “I don’t actually have that, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
Peace, love, light and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
