Month: February 2021

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“I noticed a lot of people think they can solve their problems with antidepressants. That, I noticed being like a bigger issue, like it really strips people of who they are. Like, all your quirks and all your problems, even your depressions and your failures that’s what makes you, you. And there’s a lot of drugs out there that will take that away from you.”  (Gerard Way)

Quote #2

“All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. ‘Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?’ ‘Yes, I have all those things! I’m alive!’” (Ellen DeGeneres)

Quote #3

“‘Love’ is the best antidepressant in the world…start loving yourself, and get well soon!” (The Healing Heart)

Bonus Quote

“The use of psychoactive drugs, including both anti-depressants and antipsychotics, has exploded, yet the tally of those who are disabled now has increased nearly two and a half times.” (Marcia Angell)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

When I Need An Anti-Depressant And When I Don’t…

Recently, I had a very intense conversation with my Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) sponsor about the use of anti-depressants. It arose because I’ve been feeling very sorrowful in life, notably due to my long bout of chronic pain and how far away God has felt because of that. While she advocated for the use of anti-depressants to deal with this, I felt just the opposite. Let me explain.

I’ve been physically depressed before in my life and have been medicated on anti-depressants three separate times because of it. During those periods, I barely found any energy to get out of bed. All I could see on a daily basis was a black hole all around me. It was as if there was no light at all shining upon me, like I was consumed in darkness with no hope to go on. Each time I got to feeling that way, it was always tied to some trauma or some part of my life that I needed to face but wasn’t. The first was when I became sober from alcohol and drugs and needed to accept the fact that I was gay but constantly ran away from doing so. The second was due to my father’s suicide, something I needed to grieve and come to terms with, but refused to for three years. And the third was after I lost a seven-year relationship, my financial stability, and my health itself, where instead of working through those things, I delved into addictive behaviors to numb myself from feeling any of it. In each of these cases, avoiding what I needed to work on, which was essentially feeling the pain and emotions from the traumas themselves, led me straight into a bout of severe physical depression that required an anti-depressant to stabilize. Once I faced each of them though and came to a healing place with it, I developed enough strength that didn’t require the use of an anti-depressant anymore.

Presently, the sorrow I’m feeling, that I spoke to my AA sponsor about, is not related to something I’m avoiding facing. Ironically, it’s the exact opposite. The path to healing for my present sorrow is one where I absolutely need to sit in my sorrow and feel all of it in its entirety, rather than take something that might prevent myself from achieving that. Taking an anti-depressant would just numb me from getting to the source of what this sorrow is about. Sitting through it though, without getting into addictive behaviors and without taking an anti-depressant, has been extremely challenging, especially due to the addictive brain I have, one that I’ve trained for years to constantly seek highs and avoid lows. Sadly, I spent the better part of the past three years not sitting with this sorrow and instead falling slowly back into old addictive patterns to cope. I think it was only a matter of time before I would have spiraled out of control into another bout of severe physical depression, one that would have required the use of anti-depressants again. Thankfully, I’ve taken immediate steps to prevent that from happening by eliminating the unhealthy behaviors I was doing to numb myself from feeling what I need to feel.

While my sponsor totally advocates the use of anti-depressants for any type of depression a person may be feeling, including the deep sorrow I spoke of to her, I’ve come to accept there is a time and place for the usage of these type of medications, but this not being one of them. I’m not in a place of total darkness where I’m completely shut down and immobile. Rather, I’m in a place of sorrow over the actions I’ve lived. My sorrow is about how much of my life I threw away to things that were never going to fill my soul and it’s about the painful healing my body continues to go through because of those actions. I believe my sorrow will eventually pass though by continuing to sit with it, by facing it head on, and by talking about it, but not by living in addictive behaviors or by taking an anti-depressant, as either will lead me to simply not care about it at all, which is of course is the opposite of what needs to happen.

This path of healing isn’t easy. It means facing oneself in all one’s feelings and sitting uncomfortably in them for however long it takes, something a trained addict brain like mine despises. But as they say in recovery, to heal from anything, one must feel and deal with it first. While indeed anti-depressants may be important to use when going through the healing of deep-seated traumas, especially when one has run from them for a long period of time like I did, facing my present sorrow without them and without any addictive behaviors to cope is precisely what I need to do to heal and draw closer to God.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve come to learn in life is that the very path to feeling closer to God, is not one where I’ve numbed myself from feeling the pain and sorrows of life. Rather, it’s one where I felt them in their entirety and sought God through each of those difficult moments, because in doing so, it’s always eventually led me to the place of healing and peace I sought.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

(NOTE: This is only my personal experience and opinion on the subject. Please always consult the appropriate professionals before making any decisions surrounding your medication.)

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, ‘Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?’ The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, ‘Well yeah, if that’s what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.’ So the farmer says, ‘Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.’ The trooper says, ‘Oh,’ and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, ‘Hey…wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?’ The farmer says, ‘Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.’ The trooper says, ‘Well, that’s a good thing,’ and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, ‘Hard to fool them flies though…’

Silly Joke #2

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company, responsible for the accident, to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning FarmerJoe. “Didn’t you say, ‘I’m fine’, at the scene of the accident?” asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…” “I didn’t ask for a long, drawn-out story,” the lawyer interrupted,”just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’!” Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…” The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the HighwayPatrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.” Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.” He continued, “I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then, he came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I decided it was best to shoot her. How are you feeling?'” “So, maybe now you can see why I said ‘I’m fine’ at that moment!” exasperated the farmer.

Silly Joke #3

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. “Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up and the phone was already ringing non-stop. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.” He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing and getting me more than a bit annoyed. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. You can imagine the stench of that mixed up perfume overload! Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her exactly that!”

Bonus Silly Joke (2 quick ones!)

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table over there and write ‘I will not run a red light ‘five hundred times’” and then I’ll dismiss your ticket.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny cried all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him what was wrong and finally, the boy sobbed, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, and I really want to stay with you guys!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson