Silly Joke #1
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower in the men’s locker room and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and found himself completely naked in the halls of the world’s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him. So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. “This must be my lucky day,” he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office where he had some spare clothes. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner and heard his General’s voice. There was no way he’d make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and suddenly found himself in the laboratory for research & development where the lead scientist there paused from working on one of her experiments with puzzled interest at the naked man in front of her. The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted. “I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device,” he said. “I see,” the Head Scientist said. “But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly.”
Silly Joke #2
A very heavy snowstorm had closed all the schools in town for a few days. When the children of St. Mary’s Elementary returned to their school a few days later, one of the nuns asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively by talking to God more. “I sure did, teacher,” one little girl replied. “I prayed several times everyday for a lot more snow!!!”
Silly Joke #3
Morris asks his 13-year-old son Michael one day if he knows anything about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” said Michael and suddenly burst into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. “Oh dad,” Michael sobbed, “at age six you gave me the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech. At age seven it was the ‘there’s no Easter bunny’ speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy’ speech! The last five years have been pretty good so if you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really have sex, is there anything really left to live for?!”
Bonus Silly Joke (For Adults Only)
A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is. The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, “God, he was really good looking, but someone ought to give him some Head & Shoulders.” To which the blonde replies, “How do you give Shoulders?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
