Silly Joke #1
“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,” little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. “It’s the best present I ever got!” “That’s great,” said his uncle. “Have you learned how to play it then?” “Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow said. “My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!”
Silly Joke #2
John had just gotten back to work after taking a two-week vacation and was talking to one of his co-workers. “Did you know that the longest drum solo ever recorded was 10 hours and 26 minutes…?” said John. “Really? No, I didn’t know that. That’s a long time!” responded his co-worker. “Yeah, and it was performed by the child sitting behind me on my Delta flight 963 from Tokyo to LA!!!”
Silly Joke #3
A man was walking down the streets of Washington DC one night. All of a sudden a mugger sticks a gun in his ribs and says, “Give me all your money!” He replied, “Do you realize I am an high level member of congress?!” The robber said, “In that case, give me all my money!!!”
Bonus Silly Joke
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you by telegram since we don’t get any cell signal out there, and let you know to drive out after me and haul it home.” The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.” The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’” The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?” The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it very slow.”
And just because I laughed so hard at this one, here’s one for some quick adult humor…
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
