Recently, a friend of mine I once did a numerology reading for over 14 years ago texted me and asked for some more numerological advice. When I did their numerology reading all those years ago, I was paid for it and provided them exactly what I do for anyone else who has ever asked for one of these readings. Each has appreciated what I offered and never asked for any further advice, yet this friend has done it numerous times over the years. I finally decided after their most recent attempt that it was time to put a stop to it, as I realized it wasn’t healthy for me anymore to continue to do so.
While it may not take up a lot of my time to keep answering the numerology questions I have for this friend over the years for free, the reason why I’m putting a stop to it really boils down to the fact that I’m not getting anything back in the friendship. Simply put, I feel as if I’m being used, something I’ve often allowed myself to be in life.
During the most recent persistence of this friend reaching out for further free numerological guidance, I let them know what I was going through personally. I told them my life felt like it was in pieces because of the state of my health and the state of my relationship, and asked them for prayers. I told them I’d be unable to help them at this time because of it all. It truly was my first attempt to set a boundary and take care of myself and I felt far better after doing so.
I guess I should say I wasn’t all that surprised though when I didn’t get any response back from them showing any support of where I was at in life, no kind or reassuring words, only them continuing to not understand why I couldn’t just take a few moments of my time and give them the numerological answers they needed. The interaction was a strong reminder of what I don’t need or want in my life anymore, which are friends who aren’t capable of being there for me when I need them. It’s something I’ve come to see with this individual over the years, as each time I’ve reached out to them, needing a friend for support, promises get made to call me back and are never fulfilled, yet each time when they’ve needed me, I’ve always done what I could to be there for them.
Friendships like this are toxic in the long run. I don’t want friends like this because they only lead to a lower self-esteem for me. Friends like this are only there when it benefits them somehow and that’s not a real friendship. Regrettably, I know this behavior all too well, as there were many addict years of my life when I was this type of friend to others.
I’ve come to painfully learn this over the years in my 12 Step recovery work for my former addictions. I see so clearly now that friends aren’t a commodity to use when you need them and to discard when you don’t. Rather, friends are people you are there for when they need you and not just when it’s convenient for you. On some level, it’s why I’m thankful for the strong reminder this friend gave me of this, a reminder of how I once was and how it probably affected those who once considered me a friend.
The friend I want to be today for another is someone who can be trusted will be there for them when they need me, a shoulder to cry upon, and someone who will listen without judgment. I still have a lot of work to do in this area, which I so clearly saw through the actions of this individual.
Sometimes the best learning lessons in life come in ways like this, ways that might not feel so good when it happens, but ways that are necessary to evoke change. I’m choosing to act now by removing friends like this from my life, who aren’t healthy for me and are consumed more in what I can do for them, than ever being there for me, as I deserve better, and so did all those who I once used just like this. If you happen to be someone I once did this too, I truly am sorry and pray you forgive me.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
