Silly Joke #1
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son Little Johnny standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, “Little Johnny’s now 5 and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees soon. But, no need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask when he’s ready, and I’ll answer.” After everything was over, Little Johnny asks, “Daddy, how fast was that calf going to get lodged into the cow like that?”
Silly Joke #2
Maybe all those “Flat-Earthers” conspiracy theorists are right? Because despite what some people think, since the world is arguably 75% water, and none of it is carbonated…can’t one accurately deduct that the earth is technically flat?
Silly Joke #3
If the Lord came to a man named Noah in 2022…
“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.” He then gave Noah the blueprints in saying, “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.” Six months later, the Lord saw Noah weeping in his yard and no ark present. “Noah! I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?” said God. “Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit and I’ve been arguing with the inspector about their need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I also have violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations so I had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl, but I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the spotted owl, but they weren’t hearing it! And when I finally started gathering the animals, PETA sued me. They insisted I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Besides that, I’m also trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on the lack of minorities I had in my building crew while the trades unions say I can’t just use my sons. They insisted I had to hire Union workers with ark-building experience. “So, forgive me, Lord, but I think it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark given all these issues!” Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?” “No,” said the Lord. “I think it’s clear it’s already been destroyed…”
Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)
Little Johnny’s mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when Little Johnny walks in. Mommy, where do babies come from? Well, honey…you see it’s like this. A mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and share intimacy and eventually a baby comes from that. “What’s intimacy Mommy?” responds Little Johnny. ”That means the daddy puts his male part in the mommy’s female part. That’s how a baby gets made honey.” “But what about the other night Mommy, when I came into your room late at night when I couldn’t sleep and saw and daddy’s male part in Mommy’s mouth? What do you get when you do that Mommy?” Johnny said not quite understanding. “Expensive jewelry, honey!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
