Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole focus on my writing for the start of each week, which for today is for one simple fact of my life, that I haven’t given up on God or myself.
For those of you who have continued to follow my spiritual journey and musings of life via this blog, it’s definitely not a secret that I’ve struggled immensely with the health issues I’ve faced for years now. How many times at this point have I written about the pain and sorrow I’ve endured is probably countless? But also countless is the number of times I’ve written about me not being a quitter and continuing to fight on.
While I do have regular urges to give up and check out early, I haven’t. Honestly, it’s easy to think about doing so when both of my parents did by their own hands. In my worst of days and in my worst of pain- filled moments of life, I often find myself in my ego feeling that death would be better than life and that at least in death I might see my parents again. But deep down in my heart and soul, that’s truly not what I desire, as my deepest desire is to fulfill whatever God’s purpose is for me.
I tend to believe each of us on this planet have a purpose that’s not just to exist and find pleasure in life. I have come to a level of understanding on my own spiritual journey that we all have a Higher Calling. But far too often we never achieve it because we get lost in finding temporary happiness on this planet. In my case, all those things I found temporary happiness in were never enough to keep me going. What has kept me going though has been in continuing to believe that I have some Higher Calling, some greater purpose.
So, on those days when my pain is great, when my emotions run low, and my mental state gets frayed, I tell myself there is a great purpose to all of it and I fight on. I fight on to live rather than to die and remind myself I’m not a quitter like my parents were. And I do my best to not listen to my ego’s urgings that tell me I was just dealt a bad hand in life and that it’s never going to get better. Because somewhere within me, there still is a voice fighting on and telling me it will get better.
This is why on this Grateful Heart Monday, I am sharing my gratitude for still having a fighting spirit that not only continues to help me believe in myself, but also believe in God, and in having a greater purpose beyond all this. These may not be spiritual values I was shown, but they are ones I have learned over the years in all my pain and suffering, of which I’m sincerely thankful to have, especially on those days when my mind does it’s best to convince me to give up, yet my Spirit says to fight on, and so I do…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson