Silly Joke #1
The town drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into his only friend who asked, “What do you have in there bud?” “A mongoose.” he slurred. “What for?” his friend asked. “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I always seem to see snakes, and you know I’m scared to death of snakes. So that’s why I got this mongoose, for protection.” “But,” the friend said, “You idiot! You know those are imaginary snakes you’re seeing just because of how much you drink!” “I know, I know!” said the town drunk opening the box to reveal its empty contents. “But, so is my mongoose!!!”
Silly Joke #2
A minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled out and new dentures were put in. The first Sunday after, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. On the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation on the huge jump in sermon time, he responded this way:“The first Sunday, my gums were so sore from the new dentures that it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were still hurting me a lot. But, on the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures…and I just couldn’t shut up!!!”
Silly Joke #3
A mother was trying to get her son to get out of bed to get ready for school. “I am not going to school!” Her son responded defiantly. “Why not?” his Mom wanted to know. “Well, first of all I hate school, and second of all, all the kids hate me as well!!” he answered. “Son, those aren’t very good reasons not to go. You need to get up now and get ready for school dear!” she replied. “Well, give me two good reasons then why I should,” her son said. “Well,” Mom said quietly, “First of all you are 52 years old and second of all, you are the Principal!”
Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can’t help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has an extremely small head in comparison. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, “You know, I really don’t want to be rude but your head is so small compared to the rest of your body!” The big guy nods slowly. He’s obviously heard this many times. “Want to know why? There’s a good story behind it,” he says. “Sure.” responds the bartender eagerly. “One day,” the muscular guy begins, “I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard a strange cry for help. I followed the cry until they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream crying.” “No s***?” says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued. “Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, ‘Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.’ I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. I mean, what the hell did I have to lose. Then POOF! The frog suddenly turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, woman. She said, ‘Thank you for saving me. I now grant you three wishes!’ It was hard to believe this was all happening, but there she was after a frog was just in my hands. So, I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ‘I wish to be the size of Dwayne Johnson.’ She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of most of my clothes. She then asked, ‘What will be your second wish?’ I was still a virgin because no one ever wanted me the way I normally looked, so I looked at her and said, ‘I want to make sensuous love with you right here by this stream.’ She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!” “Oh my!” said the bartender thoroughly enjoying the story. “So, as we lay next to each other, after our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ‘You know, you do have one more wish my handsome man. What will it be?’ I actually was still feeling a little horny at that point and nothing in my life had ever been as good as what I had just experienced with her, so I looked at her and said, ‘I wish for a little head’ and there you have it…”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
