Silly Joke #1
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’” The other woman turned to her and said “I know! Because I heard it snoring quite loudly at times!!!”
Silly Joke #2
John was a loyal choir member, but he could not carry a tune. To make things worse, he sang loud and made others sing off key. Without success, the choir director had tried to discourage John from participating in the choir. The choir director asked the pastor’s help in getting John out of the choir. The pastor agreed to try. The pastor tried to find tasks and responsibilities that would interfere with John’s attendance at choir rehearsal or keep him out of the choir loft on Sunday morning. John, however, would not accept any of the tasks or responsibilities, stating that he would not shirk his duties as a loyal choir member. Finally, the choir director gave the pastor an ultimatum, “Either you find a way to get John out of the choir or I will resign as choir director.”So, with much uneasiness, the pastor called upon John at home one evening and said, “John, I must ask you to drop out of the choir.” John was shocked and asked, “Why would you ask such a thing? We need all the singers we can get.” The pastor replied, “Well, John, people are complaining about your singing.” “How many?” was John’s response. Not wanting to be too harsh and admit that nearly everyone in the congregation had been complaining, the pastor said, “I’ve received more than a dozen complaints.” “I’m sorry, pastor, but honestly, that’s not enough. I’ve actually heard a lot more complaints about your preaching and you haven’t quit yet…”
Silly Joke #3
A woman who had been taking golf lessons was just starting out at the 1st tee on her own for the first time alone when she got stung by a huge bee. Distraught, she went back into the clubhouse and told her golf instructor about the incident. “Where did it sting you?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole!” she replied. He shook his head and said: “That’s your problem right there. You had your feet too far apart!”
Bonus Silly Joke
This guy walks into a bank and says to the woman teller at the window, “I want to open up a fu$$ing checking account immediately!” To which the teller replied, “I beg your pardon sir?” said the teller in dismay at the man’s rudeness and vulgar language. “Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu$$ing checking account.” “Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!” The teller then left her window and went over to the bank manager to tell him of the situation. They both returned where the manager asked, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?” “There’s no fu$$ing problem,” the man says, “I won $50 million in the lottery earlier this month and I just want to open a fu$$ing checking account in this damn bank! Is my use of language really going to prevent that?” “Not at all sir! Let’s ignore what the fu$$ing teller said and get that checking account opened immediately for you ok?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
