Most addicts, no matter what their addiction, are inherently takers rather than givers. They tend to use people more than help people. And when push comes to shove, getting any help from them, be prepared for them to either hold it over your head at some point down the way, or ask for something in return immediately upon completion. On my journey through 12 Step recovery over the years, I’ve learned one of the main goals of the 12 Step process is all about moving a person away from living this life of selfish taking into living a life of selfless giving.
Fifteen years ago, when I first walked into the rooms of recovery with 12 years clean and sober from alcohol and drugs. I was essentially a dry drunk/addict who was still completely selfish and self-centered, always doing things for others for a price, a price that always benefitted me somehow. When my first sponsor took me under her wing though, I began to be guided away from this behavior, as she directed me to volunteer at the AA headquarters in downtown Boston answering calls on their hotline for a 4-hour shift. I did it initially begrudgingly because I just wanted to appease her. What I didn’t know though was how much that volunteer job would change my life forever, as it taught me the invaluableness of helping another without asking for anything in return. It became a regular occurrence on those calls to help so many in desperation, many just looking for a friend so they didn’t feel so alone in what they were going through, and some simply asking me to pray with them. I saw how much that service made a difference, both in their lives, and in mine with my heart feeling a lot fuller. Ever since then, I’ve consistently been more on the path of service, one that continues to help me move further and further away from a selfish taker to more of a selfless giver.
What giving translates to in the 12 Step recovery realm often begins with taking on a simple position in a home group like making coffee before the meeting starts or just setting up chairs. Eventually it can lead to other service work in the greater recovery community such as serving on a committee. It also can mean sponsoring others and going on commitments to places where people are still suffering from addiction. It can even mean starting your own 12 Step meeting. Beyond the 12 Step recovery realm, it can mean just being more of service to your partner or friends, saying yes, more than no, and having no hidden agenda or angle. Overall, this is the primary objective of 12 Step recovery beyond remaining clean and sober. That is to learn how to live a life of freely giving of oneself rather than living a life of constantly taking from others.
I sincerely believe I’m doing a pretty decent job at this now, but that certainly didn’t happen overnight. It took years of following the advice of others in 12 Step recovery who had been on the recovery journey far longer. It’s because of what they taught me why I do so much service work now. Many newcomers often ask me why I continue to do it as much as I do with 27 years now clean and sober and the answer is simple. I do it because there’s far greater satisfaction in life when giving of oneself without ever asking for anything in return, then in taking for oneself and always wanting something more.
Living as a taker is a dead-end existence, one that leaves the soul feeling so very empty in the long run. But living as a giver transforms the mind and the body into an existence where life can feel far lighter and far brighter, something I’ve come to see quite a bit more as I continue working on selfless giving more than selfish taking…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
