It’s heartbreaking to witness alcohol and drug relapses, especially when it’s with people who have had some time under their belt remaining clean and sober. The hope is that they’ll quickly regain their footing and insert themselves back all the more into their 12 Step program. But not everyone always makes it back, which is probably the hardest thing to witness, specifically when it ends tragically. Such is the case of an individual I knew and appreciated tremendously who was employed at the detox I volunteer at weekly that I’ll anonymously refer to as Joe.
Joe was one of those faces I really looked forward to seeing each time I showed up to hold my 12 Step meeting with the clients of the detox he worked at. He never failed to greet me warmly, always giving me the thumbs up for the work I do, consistently supporting my efforts, and even cracking jokes with me from time to time. When I began to notice Joe wasn’t around two weeks in a row, I asked where he was thinking maybe he just moved on to another job or was taking an extended vacation. The truth was far worse. I learned Joe “went back out” as they say, deciding for whatever his reasons to pick up his alcohol and drug addiction one more time and it ended badly. Joe overdosed, during which he lost too much oxygen to his brain. While Joe is still alive, he’s now in hospice care, has lost much of his memory, and by all means will probably need care for the rest of his life. And, in case you’re wondering, Joe is only in his mid 30’s.
Choosing to go back out with addiction is like playing Russian Roulette. Eventually it will take your life. With how potent things are getting in the alcohol and drug world, there are more deaths now from people relapsing than ever before. What recovering individuals continue to repeatedly forget once they get clean and sober is that all those inner demons that caused them to be an addict in the first place are always there on some level, trying to succumb them back. It’s the 12 Step work that keeps people sober, not just staying away from the substance of the addiction.
I don’t know what Joe’s reasons were to go back out one more time. Maybe it was that simple thought that it would be different this time. Or maybe it was a really bad day and he didn’t care anymore. Ironically, if you had seen Joe before his relapse, you wouldn’t know he once was a hard-core addict. More bright and cheerful than anything else, I realize I may never see that again in Joe and in all reality, Joe probably doesn’t even remember me anymore given the damage his relapse caused his brain.
I’m sad for Joe, but even more sad for how bad the alcohol and drug problem is becoming, not just here in Toledo, but also around our country and the world in general. People aren’t talking about this that much because there is so much else going on in the news taking far more precedence these days. I continue to fight on though, not just for the souls of others to find release from the grips of their addiction, but also against the Enemy, that darkness, that keeps trying to beckon me back into the allure of what alcohol and drugs offer at first. But I know that eventually both will assuredly take everything away, including my life.
That’s why I’ve dedicated today’s article to Joe, and others like Joe, like Aaron, or Bobby, or Derek, or Paulie, or Charlie, or any of the other endless list of names I have now of people I’ve loved and cared about who either died at the hands of alcohol and drug addiction or experienced some tragic permanent life changing alteration from them. It’s them that remind me there is never a good relapse back into addiction and that the only solution is to spend the rest of my life doing this 12 Step recovery work I do and remaining devoted to God in the process. Both have kept me clean and sober thus far, 27 years and growing. God willing I pray to never have to experience when a relapse ends tragically…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
