Silly Joke #1
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”
“Well what would you like for our 40th anniversary then?” John asks.
“I want a divorce John, that’s what I want…” answers Mary nonchalantly.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning on spending that much…” says John.
Silly Joke #2
A very inquisitive professional detective walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The detective watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is. “Well,” said the drunk, “it looks like plastic and feels like rubber. Do you think you can guess what it is?” “Let me have it,” said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. “Yes,” he finally said, “it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but honestly, I don’t know what it is. Where did you get it?” “From my nose,” the drunk replied.
Silly Joke #3
Little Johnny, who always says and does the most inappropriate of things was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced boy was up to, he politely asked, “What are you doing there, Johnny?” “My goldfish died,” replied Little Johnny without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor responded, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Little Johnny patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, “Well, that’s only because he was inside your fat cat.”
Bonus Silly Joke
While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, “This is a special day. I’m celebrating.” “I’m celebrating, too,” she replied, clinking glasses with him. “What are you celebrating?” he asked. “For years I’ve been trying to have a child,” she answered, “Today my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!” “Congratulations,” the man said, lifting his glass. “As it happens, I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they’re finally fertile.” “How did it happen?” “I had to switch cocks.” “Huh! What a coincidence,” she said, smiling.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
