Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

A teacher of meditation, a motivational speaker, a reader of numerology, and a writer by trade, Andrew Arthur Dawson is a spiritual man devoted to serving his Higher Power and bringing a lot more light and love into this world. This blog, www.thetwelfthstep.com is just one of those ways...

No More Reindeer Games For Me

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer tried everything he could to join in those reindeer games in the beginning of that classic Christmastime movie, but he wasn’t allowed to because he was so different. Ironically, I’m the exact opposite of how Rudolph originally was when it came to being a part of those games, as I don’t want to be a part of them at all these days. The games I’m referring to here reference the many groups of people who often come together, form a click, and maintain an unhealthy group mentality that you either follow, or you end up being chastised in some way if you don’t.

I spent many years of my life trying to be just like Rudolph first was. I covered up my “shiny nose” and tried to become more like everyone else. I gave up plenty of things I loved about myself that were truly unique and different. I changed my image to blend in with my surroundings all to look cooler. I gossiped with everyone else as they gossiped. I judged with everyone else as they judged. I backstabbed with everyone else as they backstabbed, and so on and so forth. In doing this, while I gained friends, I lost my true identity and myself. In all essence, my “shiny nose” became dim and eventually burned out in the process.

For years, I remained afraid to step out on my own, beat to my own drum, and be myself like I had done as a young kid. I was so scared of going back to those days where I always felt intensely alone because of being that different. Back then, no one ever wanted me to be a part of their reindeer games because of it and I thought that seeking those games was what my heart truly wanted. How wrong I was. Chasing after them not only burned my special “shiny nose” out, it brought great pains to my heart. I felt like such a fake every single day I was part of those games but even worse, I hurt many souls who never fit into my group of reindeer that played them. Thankfully, the work I started doing in my recovery and on my spiritual journey began to show me how unhealthy it was to remain a part of them. Slowly but surely, I proceeded to back away from being a part of any of them or demonstrating any of their mentalities. That’s when I was able to rediscover the original me and proceed to improve upon it.

Today, I do my best to stay away from all the people who play any type of reindeer games. I avoid them like the plague particularly the ones that include the constant sexual banter, gossipy talk, and negative judgments of others who don’t quite fit in. Taking part in any of them only takes me away from the spiritually centered person I know my Higher Power is helping me to become. Unfortunately, there’s a side effect to me doing this though.

Several have said lately I’m full of ego, which in all essence means they feel I’m better than them. I know that behavior well, because I spent many years saying the very same thing of others who were living far more spiritually than I ever was while I played those games. It was easier to tear them down then than to look in the mirror at how lopsided I was living. Thank God that’s not the case anymore as my ego is so far from being in charge of my life.

The fact remains that I choose to live on a spiritual plane nowadays that does not segregate, hurt, ridicule, gossip, or sexualize the world in any way, shape, or form. While that may set me completely apart from what often happens during those reindeer games, I’m ok with that today, even when those reindeer are saying I’m full of ego. There’s only one simple reason for that.

My “shiny nose” has finally returned and while I may be quite proud of that, it’s not about my ego, it’s about being ok to stand apart and just be my spiritual self.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Holy Toledo, I Love It Here!

I live in Toledo, Ohio and have only been here for about six months. While the city may be the smallest and most oppressed I’ve ever resided in, I’m actually quite happy to call it home these days. Unfortunately, there are many others I meet here who don’t feel that way about their city. In fact, most usually ask me in negative tone why I’d ever choose to move to a place such as this. I know where they are coming from, as I’ve been there before. But I’ve learned over time it was never the cities I lived in that I didn’t like, it was always myself.

There is that age-old adage that says, “No matter where you go, you bring yourself” and that was once 100% accurate for me. Up until I started working on my recovery and my relationship to my Higher Power, I continued to create a mess of a life all around me. My character defects constantly lost me jobs, friendships, relationships, and many other things in life and when enough of that transpired, I’d begin to resent the actual location I was living in, thinking life would be better lived elsewhere. But it never was and I kept proving that adage to be true.

This pattern started when I lived in Rochester, New York during my college years. There I told everyone how much I hated that city and I moved away from it as soon as I graduated. I then lived in Northern Virginia but after just two years, I was saying the same thing. That led me to move to a small town outside Boston for just seven months, where I came to say how much I despised that area as well. I’d go on to move back to Northern Virginia, then to the Delmarva Peninsula, and finally back to the Boston vicinity, where at each I eventually came up with a million reasons why I hated those areas.

It wasn’t until I began working the 12 Steps in recovery did I realize the thing I hated in each of those cities I had lived in was myself. It was those twelve steps that showed me how much my hatred was never really about any of those cities, jobs, people, or any other aspect there, it was always about myself. I had been so spiritually sick that I looked at the world with a spiritual sickness. My eyes had only been able to see with negativity and thus I saw each city I had lived in look that way. Thankfully, my hard work in recovery helped to change that. So when my partner asked me several years ago to move to Toledo to live with him, I decided to wait a while longer, as I didn’t want to make another geographical cure again. Two years later and much healthier, I moved away from a city for the first time without hating it or myself.

While Toledo may not have been my first choice for somewhere I ever planned on moving to, I came solely because my partner’s home was here. At first, there was definitely a culture shock because I had lived outside a bunch of major cities in my life. But as time has passed, I have grown quite fond of various aspects of both this city and its residents. But ultimately, I think what I’ve grown the most fond of is the love and light that’s increasing within myself.

It seems as if the more that happens, the more my eyes aren’t seeing with that negativity anymore. And the more my eyes aren’t seeing with that negativity anymore, the more I’m noticing the beauty that exists in and around me. And the more I’m noticing the beauty that exists in and around me, the more I’m able to love the city I call home today and that’s Toledo, OH.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Highs And Lows Of Sponsorship

While sponsoring another in recovery can be a truly rewarding experience, it often can be a difficult thing to do as well no matter what the 12 Step program is. Over the years, I’ve sponsored quite a few men in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and have come to accept one thing, that there are both highs and lows in doing it.

While I believe the highs of sponsorship always far outweigh the lows, those lows can still be difficult to deal with. I believe the worst of them is probably when a sponsee overdoses and dies. I experienced this first hand back in June and it definitely was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face in sponsorship. Almost just as difficult to deal with when sponsoring another is when a sponsee continues to relapse again and again. It breaks my heart each time I watch their disease drive them back out to their poison of choice and I have to continuously remind myself it’s never my fault. Far less painful, but challenging nonetheless, are those lows that can often happen during the daily interaction with a sponsee. Some of them include dealing with when a sponsee is dishonest, steals, is defiant, gives guilt trips, tries to manipulate, or makes excuses to why they haven’t done the homework given to them. Each of these things can be very frustrating when they occur, but even more so when a sponsee gets angry and resentful at their sponsor for showing them when they’re doing any of these behaviors. Sadly, many sponsees don’t like when this happens and will just stop calling and disappear, only to find out later they’re either back active in their disease or dead.

Thankfully, as I said before, the highs in sponsorship really do far outweigh any of these lows. If I were to list the one I believe is the most rewarding, it’s when a sponsee starts finding a connection to their own Higher Power. The whole point of all 12 Step recoveries is to develop this connection. Witnessing it first hand as it slowly starts to happen is actually pretty amazing. But it’s also just as amazing when developing a spiritual bond with a sponsee while doing the steps. I always feel like I make a soul connection to the men I sponsor and to me those bonds are priceless and unbreakable. Some of the other highs that can come from sponsorship include seeing a sponsee get their sobriety chips and medallions as their time in sobriety lengthens, being called upon for help by them in times of need, getting thanked by them during a heartfelt moment, and watching as they find their footing in recovery and start passing it on to others. But ultimately, it really is just a high in itself to be asked to be a sponsor in the first place and then to do all the selfless work that comes next as you guide them through the 12 Steps.

There is one last thing I’d like to mention that I think is very important when it comes to sponsorship. It helps to keep a sponsor clean and sober as much as it does the sponsee. That in itself is a perk of sponsorship, and on some level, I guess you could say it was a high as well. For all the times I’ve become down and out in my own recovery, working with any of my sponsees has always lifted me right back up and kept me focused on staying clean and sober.

That’s why I will continue to put my hand out to sponsor another as the more I’ve continued to do that, the more I find my recovery getting stronger. And the more I find my recovery getting stronger, the more I find myself growing closer to my Higher Power. And in the end, I believe that’s truly all that matters because it’s my Higher Power who really keeps me clean and sober every day. So while sponsorship in 12 Step recovery programs may always have both its highs and lows, I am extremely grateful for whenever I’m given the opportunity to do so…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson