Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

A teacher of meditation, a motivational speaker, a reader of numerology, and a writer by trade, Andrew Arthur Dawson is a spiritual man devoted to serving his Higher Power and bringing a lot more light and love into this world. This blog, www.thetwelfthstep.com is just one of those ways...

Cross-Talking

A few days ago a woman had raised her hand at the beginning of a big book AA meeting I was attending. For about ten minutes she shared a painful experience that dealt with her 30 year old son who was on a serious implosion with alcohol. She indicated that it was affecting her own ability to stay sane as well as clean and sober. Unfortunately, what came next that lasted for the duration of that meeting was quite a bit of cross-talking and not much in the way of loving support for this woman.

In general, cross-talking typically refers to when people speak out of turn, interrupt someone while they are speaking, or give direct advice to someone in a meeting. It’s supposed to be a cardinal rule that people don’t do this sort of thing during 12 Step recovery meetings. Sadly, that’s not always the case as it was the other day for this woman when several people gave her their own advice throughout the meeting in very direct and somewhat angry tones. Speaking about one’s own experiences that relate to what someone else has shared is quite acceptable during any meeting. But looking directly at someone and letting them know that you feel they should be handling things differently can be detrimental to that person’s recovery. In the situation with this woman, she had relapsed recently and had only a week sober so this was definitely the case. And I could tell as she left the meeting that she was worse off than when she came in.

I was extremely grateful though later in the evening when I ran into her in the plaza across the street from where the meeting was held. She was indeed quite upset from what had transpired and had felt the negative tone from many of the comments that were directed at her. I took the opportunity to tell her I was proud of her for what she shared and that I would pray for her situation. I also let her know that meetings are not supposed to be that way and provided her my phone number in case she wanted to reach out for help.

The bottom line is that cross-talking is harmful to the health of any meeting. The point of any 12 Step meeting is not to provide advice to others, to interrupt when someone else is speaking, or to speak out of turn. Doing any of this can harm the person who is sharing an intimate part of their recovery like it did for this woman. Thankfully, God put her in my path after the meeting was over which gave me the chance to help diffuse what happened.

Hopefully, she will come back and find a healthier meeting to attend…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Are You Willing To Go To Great Lengths To Spiritually Share Yourself?

I often come by interesting parables and stories that have inspired me on my own quest to becoming more selfless and giving. One that I came across awhile ago was all about sharing spiritually. What sharing spiritually means is when an individual is willing to give up something because they care so deeply. It’s also when they don’t feel that are owed anything in return for what is being spiritually shared either. When an individual takes an action and shares in this way, it’s unconditional and done without any type of agenda. The following story is an example of this type of spiritual sharing…

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There once was a Rabbi who was invited into a house one day by its owner. There the Rabbi came across a room where he saw the clothes of a clown. He asked the owner about the clothes and the owner told him the following story:

“Many times, I try to collect money for those in need. A poor person can come to me and I will go out in the city trying to collect whatever I can for them. One night, a man came asking for money and like usual I went looking, but for some reason on this particular night no one would offer me a penny! After I returned home, another person came and begged that I go for him as well, so I went back but again failed. Still later, someone else came asking for help and this time I managed to at least gather up the amount the man had asked for. I gave it to him and collapsed onto my bed, exhausted and ready for sleep. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was an extremely poor man. I wanted to help, but I was so tired and I had already asked everyone I knew. He pleaded with me until finally I had an idea. There was a rich man in the city who loathed giving to charity, but maybe the Light would make him do so just this once. I went to look for the rich man and found him in a tavern, drunk. When I told him what was happening, he reminded me he never gave to charity. But then he added, ‘Since I am in such a good mood right now, if you do something for me, I will make an exception just this once. All I want is for you to wear these clown clothes and walk around the city!” The rich man laughed loudly. He thought nobody would do such a thing because they would be laughed at and ridiculed. But I thought to myself, ‘If I don’t do this, there will be a poor man left with nothing.’ So I took the clown’s clothes and put them on. Sure enough, I was laughed at, spat upon and ridiculed. But thank goodness I got the money for the man who was in need.” 

Upon hearing this story, the Rabbi told the owner of the house, “If you are buried in those clown’s clothes, your soul will go straight to Heaven.”

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The point to this story is that the blessing didn’t come to the man just because he had shared. It’s the lengths he was willing to go in his quest to spiritually share a part of himself. The man was willing to go so far outside his comfort zone because he cared so deeply, even for a stranger, even beyond the point of exhaustion.

While I definitely know I haven’t gone to that great of a length in my life with any of the spiritual sharing I’ve done, it is something I would like to strive for. In the 12 Step world, they talk all the time about being willing to go to any lengths to maintain one’s recovery from addiction. In the spiritual world, I feel the same principle holds true as it did for this owner who was willing to wear a clown costume solely for the purpose of helping a poor soul. It’s my goal in life to become willing to go to those same great lengths to spiritually share, no matter what the cost is to myself. It’s a big goal to pursue, but one that I know God can guide me successfully towards.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Remembering The Fogginess Of Days Not Clean And Sober

I was driving around the other day looking for the closest Starbucks to grab a quick iced decaf when the GPS in my vehicle guided me onto the property of a local university. As I landed in front of the student union, I saw many new freshman walking around with campus maps and backpacks touring the campus. While I never did find the Starbucks my GPS was trying to send me to, I was guided to something completely different and that was some forlorn memories of my own college days.

Sometimes I struggle with how I spent over four years of time at my college, which was the Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT). Seeing those young kids that were innocently new to college life really triggered thoughts of when I began those days walking around my own campus with a own map and backpack. Much of my thoughts at that time was not of getting excited over gaining a higher education. Instead it was on how soon I could get to a college party where there would be lots of drinking.

When people ask me today about the life I had at RIT, it really is just a blur of one party after another and a lot of studying thrown in between them. Those that I’ve known over the years who went to other colleges remember the things I wished I had experienced a lot more like the bonding times and close friendships they developed, of which many are still part of their life today. I really try not to live in regret with how I lived my own college days. But seeing those young kids on that university’s campus walking around made me wish for just a moment that I could go back in time and relive my college days clean and sober. I can remember my mother telling me to enjoy my college days as they would fly by so fast. I can still hear here saying that there would come a day when I would miss it immensely. She was right on many levels but what I miss most about those days is actually what I never allowed myself to experience.

At the present time, the only thing I have to show for all those years at college is a degree that I’m not using at the present time and one friend who I’ve been trying to reconnect with. A year ago, I went to a fraternity reunion where I felt very distant to most of the people there as I had never gotten close to anyone of them during my college days. The only things I had ever allowed myself to become best friends with were the alcohol and drugs I had in my hands on most days. Thankfully today, my life has become very different.

Alcohol and drugs robbed me at RIT of living and experiencing the joys in life that God has shown me exist. Sharing close bonding times and laughter with friends, having coffees and meals over intimate conversations, taking weekend long retreats and so much more are just some of the wonderful things I’ve been able to do clean and sober. I know those things could have happened when I went through my college years but I made different choices in life back then. The choices I made then led me in the exact opposite direction from ever experiencing those things.

While I may have an occasional regret about my college days like when I saw those freshman walking around that university the other day, I am truly grateful to God that I’m not missing out on my life anymore. Today I am living life to my fullest potential with God at the helm and thankfully, it’s all being done clean and sober. At least in this state of mind I can say there’s a pretty good chance down the road I won’t be looking back on these years with any fogginess like I do with my college years.

So whether you are a freshman on a college campus, or are in some other phase of your life, take a moment, breathe, and allow yourself to truly experience the moment your living right now. Chasing after alcohol and drugs to get drunk or high in this moment or any moment is only going to rob you of ever doing that. It may seem like a fun thing to do right now, but eventually, it will do nothing but create that fogginess and prevent you from living your life to the fullest potential. Ask yourself if that’s really what you want for yourself? I’m pretty sure you already know the answer.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson