Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

A teacher of meditation, a motivational speaker, a reader of numerology, and a writer by trade, Andrew Arthur Dawson is a spiritual man devoted to serving his Higher Power and bringing a lot more light and love into this world. This blog, www.thetwelfthstep.com is just one of those ways...

Grateful Heart Monday

It’s time for another Grateful Heart Monday, the day I dedicate each week in my blog to one specific piece of gratitude, which for today is for the character named Bonnie in the television comedy series “Mom”, who’s played by actress Allison Janey.

Why I feel grateful for a fictional character on a TV show is simply for what Bonnie reminds me of every time I watch her in an episode. Bonnie is a recovering alcoholic who is more of a dry drunk than not. While she remains clean and sober several years in from an addiction that once controlled her life, she still continues to demonstrate many selfish and self-centered behaviors that were quite commonplace when she was active in her addiction.

Week in and week out, I watch as Bonnie searches for the angle in everything, always on the lookout for herself and how she can get something for nothing. I don’t think there’s a single episode where I’ve seen her do anything otherwise. And boy do I remember those days when I too lived as a dry drunk year after year after year. While I remained clean and sober, I only half-assed did the recovery work, causing my life to suffer, as well as those around me too.

Just like Bonnie, I used to think that the only thing I needed to do in recovery was stay away from alcohol and drugs. But I never got much healthier in my mind and body for as long as I kept that attitude. Instead, I remained selfish, self-centered, self-seeking, and self-absorbed, simply because I wasn’t doing any of the work needed to rid myself of these type of character defects that underlie all addictions. Bonnie truly demonstrates this to a tee in “Mom” and is such an incredible mirror for the person I used to be so oblivious to being.

While I initially found a lot of humor in watching Bonnie act this way in earlier seasons, I now find myself not laughing at her antics anymore because it ultimately is quite sad to see any person live like this as their sober years grow. In my case, after repeated years of living as a dry drunk no different than Bonnie, friends began dropping out of my life and avoiding me. This hasn’t happened yet to Bonnie in the show, but I remember it happening to me oh so well. It took a lot of loneliness and hard-earned lessons to realize this and how recovery from any addiction is so much more than just remaining clean and sober. It’s about doing the necessary work to purge oneself of all unhealthy behaviors and becoming more of a selfless being than a selfish one. And while I know this show is purely meant to be a comedy and constantly pigeonholes Bonnie into a set of self-centered behaviors simply meant to evoke laughter, I only find sadness for her character and anyone who still acts like this in real life.

Yet, in light of me saying that, I’ve found such a tremendous amount of gratitude continuing to watch Bonnie remain this way, because I can clearly see who I once was but am no longer. Today I strive very hard to place everyone else’s needs, wants, and desires ahead of my own more than not. That’s probably why I find more of a connection in “Mom” to Bonnie’s sponsor Marjorie, who follows the 12 Step recovery program more to a tee, striving to be more selfless than selfish and giving more than taking.

So, while Bonnie’s character may no longer evoke laughter from me when she does all her self-centered behaviors week after week, I’m reminded quite vividly of how she’s merely a mirror into my own past dry drunkenness and because of that I’ve found an immense wealth of gratitude to God for how far I’ve come in my own life of recovery from addiction…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Middle Line” And “Middle Circle” Behaviors And Social Media

I often find myself in a dilemma with why I remain on social media, especially Facebook, and ironically it has nothing to do with privacy issues. Rather, it has all to do with the temptation it creates for me to engage in former addiction-based behaviors.

I am still using social media for one reason and one reason only these days and that’s to reach a greater audience for my blog. While one can easily subscribe to my blog that allows them to receive a daily email with the first few lines of every article and a link to the rest of it on my site, I’ve discovered most don’t like this, as people are tired of cluttered inboxes. Instead, I’ve found that the majority of people who read my blog like to scan the re-postings I place on social media, which essentially are the URL links to each of my daily entries and a short snippet of their content. This is why I continue to faithfully repost each and every blog article on social media, including Facebook, Google Plus, and Twitter. Yet, the downside to this is the accessibility I gain to other things on social media that can trigger me, chiefly with my former sex and love addiction that I’ve been clean from for almost 6 years now.

In the recovery world for sex and love addiction, triggers are also referred to as “Middle Line” or “Middle Circle” behaviors. They essentially are any action a person may do that can lead to breaking their sobriety. In my case, many of those middle line/middle circle behaviors have often arisen due to my access to social media. Take Facebook for example. There, one can find an endless stream of pictures to look at, some of which I’ve occasionally questioned whether they even adhere to Facebook’s content standards of acceptability. In the past, the longer I’ve looked at pictures, the more it led me to wanting to cross the line and start looking elsewhere for more explicit content. Then, there’s Messenger, which is the chat tool for Facebook. Many eons ago, I used to utilize Messenger to have late night chats with various people that eventually turned sexual the later it got and the longer those conversations went on. And lastly, Facebook easily provides countless ways to connect to new people through “Suggested Friends”, which at times has led to me scanning those lists for only those I find attractive. And the more I friend any of those I find attractive, the greater number of potential “hooks” it creates for acting out in this addiction.

Thus, this is why I struggle at times remaining on social media because of all the temptation that exists to engage in this prior addiction that once held me in its deadly grips. For now, I’m simply sharing about this in my writing, in my 12 Step recovery meetings, and with my partner, to ensure it’s not something that’s kept hidden, as the more any middle line/middle circle behaviors are kept hidden, the easier it becomes to relapse back into a sex and love addiction.

But like I’ve learned in my recovery for alcohol where I can now be around people who drink and can even attend an event at a bar if need be, I’m attempting to learn how to do the same in my recovery for sex and love addiction by remaining on things like social media. It’s tough though, especially when the witching hour comes upon me every night, which is generally during the 11pm to 3am time frame. So, I always try to keep myself as busy as possible during this period every evening, doing healthy things like working on a puzzle or composing a new blog article like I am right now. As usually by the time I’m done, I have no desire to engage in any middle line/middle circle behaviors whatsoever.

Nevertheless, middle line/middle circle behaviors are nothing more than triggers for a sex and love addiction and social media definitely presents some of them for many of us recovering individuals. But with a strong program, healthy support, a Higher Power, and an honest life, I believe any of us, especially myself, can successfully remain on things like social media for healthy purposes and healthy purposes only…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson