Category: Daily Reflection

“If you want to change what’s going on around you, change what’s going on within you.” (Billy Cox)

Everyone seems to be talking about the upcoming 2020 Presidential Election now. It’s pretty much a constant discussion these days on social media, primetime news, late night talk shows, amongst friends, and more, most of it slanted with negativity. From my perspective, there’s an extremely strong division in our country right now and sadly, it’s probably only going to get worse before it gets better. Why? Because people continue to believe that their life is somehow going to be better or worse depending on who the President of the United States is (POTUS).

I have never understood why the hope of our nation constantly gets placed as much as it does in the top political seat of our country. Personally, I tend to feel that the real work in seeing our nation change for the better doesn’t happen “up there” or “out there”, it happens “down here” and “in me”. For our nation to come together and to see it in a much brighter light, it’s never going to come from whomever is POTUS or what laws they pass or what policies they make. It’s only going to come from going within and working through what causes us to see the world in such a negative light in the first place.

This is precisely why I’ve never been much of a political individual. It’s why I’m not Pro or Anti current POTUS or any future potential POTUS either. Instead, I choose to spend that energy working on myself to become a better person who treats people equally, who embraces what’s different, by letting others be themselves, even if I don’t understand their paths. It’s also why I do my best to protect the environment, to constantly help those addicted, to regularly give to the needy and poor, to not judge, to be kind to all living creatures, and so on.

Of course, I have my own opinions on all those major political issues our country continues to face, but what gives me the right to feel any of my stances are correct. Far too often, so many of us get caught up in attempting to make others believe our own political stances are the only correct ones, which in turn leads to heavily supporting a specific POTUS. In doing so, battle lines get laid, arguments ensue, and we all start heading in the exact opposite direction of loving each other unconditionally, the very thing that I tend to believe should be the highest focus of our nation, and the world as well.

From what history has shown, there’s never going to be a perfect POTUS who’ll ever be able to make enough political changes to please everyone. The only way any of us will ever truly find the peace and balance we seek is by taking a deeper look within and working on healing our own broken compasses, as when we do, a much Higher light will start guiding us to see we are the catalysts to change and not the POTUS or anyone else…

Dear God, help me to stop focusing “out there” on what I think needs to be changed, and help me to see what needs to be changed within, as only then do I know will I begin to see the world in a much brighter light.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“The length of our lives is decided beforehand – the number of months we will live. You have settled it, and it can’t be changed.” (Job 14:5)

I’ve often wondered if the length of our lives is predetermined, that no matter what we do, we all have a fixed longevity. I say this because of the number of times I’ve seen people live, who by all means, should have passed away far sooner by their own actions. My father being the first.

He attempted suicide a number of times starting when I was at the age of 8, when he drank an entire bottle of vodka in the middle of the apple orchard down the street in freezing temperatures that sent him into a coma with an enormously high blood alcohol content, where doctors felt he wasn’t going to survive, yet he did. Another attempt years later was in the dead of winter, when he swam far out into the Long Island sound until his body froze up, with no hope of getting back to the shore, when suddenly bright lights surrounded him beneath the icy surface, warming him and pushing him back to safety. Ultimately, his death didn’t come till many, many years later, and although his passing was in the end due to suicide, he did get to see me graduate from high school, get sober from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes, come out of the closet (of which he was the first to unconditionally love and accept me with), and even change his will where he left my sister and I money that ended up helping us both during some very difficult times.

I also had a friend once who attempted to take his life three times in a very short period, each in of itself should have done him in. The first one involving many pills and booze where he was rescued in the 11^thhour. The second was when he connected a tube from his exhaust into his car behind an abandoned supermarket late one night in an area that no one ever went, that is until that evening when a police officer felt an urge to drive behind that old store only to find him just in time before it was too late. And the final one involved a gun that for whatever the reason didn’t go off when he pulled the trigger, even though it was fully loaded. This man is still alive today, got to see his son graduate from high school and college, and is in a much better place overall now.

And lastly, there’s me who’s also survived a number of times in situations that quite honestly, I’m surprised I lived through. Like the guys who were going to kill me with saw-off shotguns back when I was drug dealing in my early 20’s, but decided to spare me because I had so much jewelry on that was worth a small fortune, jewelry that I almost didn’t put on that evening when going out, yet something within told me to. Or the countless times I drove heavily intoxicated or high, always narrowly avoiding one accident after another, or the many random encounters I had with highly unstable and closeted individuals for anonymous sex. And I can’t ever forget my own attempt at suicide in 2011 when I started my car in the storage unit it was in, solely to asphyxiate myself, where I actually tested God several hours in as I grew tired by calling the one person who had zero desire to talk to me and hadn’t for some time, and incredible as it was, he answered and knew exactly what to say to get me to safety. Ever since, I’ve been dedicating my entire life to recovery from addiction, having sponsored many people, spoken at meetings many times, and written about plenty of my experiences, strengths, and hopes in this very blog for others to benefit from.

The fact is, over the years, I’ve seen tons and tons of people survive countless overdoses, while others didn’t survive a single one. I’ve seen people miraculously walk away from accidents that should have killed them but didn’t, where other similar accidents instantly take the life of someone. And so on, and so forth. It all seems so random, but maybe it’s not? Maybe, in the end, the number of days we’re meant to be breathing on this Earth are in fact predetermined for reasons we’ll never know, reasons that are meant for God’s eyes only, that is until we take our final breath…

Dear God, I pray I make the best of the life I have, and accept that only You know when my time will be to come home. Until then, help me to glorify You in all that I say and do, and trust You truly do have a plan for each of us while we’re here.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“What we want for others doesn’t work unless they want it for themselves.” (Bryant McGill)

You know that old saying, about how you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make them drink it? Well I’m that person who’s often tried to force many horses to drink the water over and over and over again, without much success. I tried for years to get my mother to go into 12 Step recovery for her alcoholism, but she had every excuse in the book as to why she didn’t want to, yet that never stopped me from trying to convince her otherwise, which frankly exhausted and drained me incredibly, right up to the point of her tragic passing from her addiction. Sadly, that wasn’t an isolated incident in my life either. Add in the countless people I’ve dated, sponsees I’ve worked with, and friends I’ve been pals with along the way who’ve each struggled in their lives with various addictions or other unhealthy patterns, all whom I tried desperately to lead to some brighter light, yet watching them in the process repeat the same patterns again and again, leading me to beat my head against a wall because of it.

The simple reality that I’ve had to learn the hard way is that what I want for others and even see could be for their highest good, can never come to fruition if they don’t want it for themselves. In other words, they have to want to drink that water. They have to want to do the work. They just have to want it, not for anyone else, but themselves, and to get there, it often means watching them fall completely apart, becoming totally broken, and losing everything that means something to them to figure this out. Unfortunately, I’ve also learned it’s meant watching some people lose their lives to tragic deaths because they never got it, like my mother, several sponsees, and a number of friends of mine, each who picked up alcohol or drugs, or some other addiction, one more time, only to have it take their lives away permanently.

Currently, I know of a few who keep falling prey to the sickness of seeking prostitutes for what they feel is bringing them comfort and reassurance to their lives, even though it’s not. I’ve done everything I can to show them the sickness of it all and shed plenty of light onto the solution, but have watched both relapse repeatedly. I’ve finally come to acceptance that the best I can do is pray for each to one day find the willingness to actually do the work that will help them achieve the healing I know their soul wants from deep within, while in the meantime shifting my focus onto those who are seeking to do the work to get onto a much higher spiritual path in life.

The bottom line is that even if I am able to see the best in someone if they just do “this”. Unless they want to do “this”, they will continue to do “that”, until the pain becomes great enough for them to want to otherwise.

Dear God, thank you for the wisdom I’ve gained in realizing I can’t fix anyone. I know now it’s up to each and every individual on this planet to find their way to You. And sometimes that means watching them become completely broken, where they finally seek You, which in turn allows You to guide them to people just like me, who will use Your guidance to finally help them on their way to greater Light and Love.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson