Category: Daily Reflection

“My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does not have to come last.” (Unknown)

I saw a picture recently that was of a mostly empty, in-ground pool and at its bottom were pieces of garbage floating on some very sludgy green water. Across the picture, written in bold, read, “The Dating Pool in Early Recovery”.

This picture spoke volumes to me given the amount of times I had one relationship after another fall apart because I kept focusing more on the relationship than on my recovery itself.

Nowadays, I’m often asked if I believe a romantic relationship between two individuals can grow and mature in a healthy fashion, when one or both partners are in early recovery. My answer is always the same. It totally depends on where each place their focus first.

When I first met my partner Chris, I was still heavily active in a love addiction, exhibiting very codependent behaviors towards someone else, making any possibility of building anything healthy between the two of us highly unlikely. Yet, here I stand, over 5 ½ years later, in what I would say is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with anyone. So, how’d that happen? How did I go from being a sick, love-addicted, codependent type of individual, to a caring, loving, and loyally monogamous partner, given what I just said about dating in early recovery?

Simply put, I finally chose to put my recovery first, which also meant I placed God first for once in my life, which I continue to do so day after day, for over 68 months now, which is the only reason why I believe Chris and I are still together.

So, can relationships work in early recovery? Absolutely! But only when one’s recovery comes first, as placing it anywhere else will merely lead to taking a swan dive directly into the center of that mostly empty, garbage-strewn, sludgy green pool, which I’m sure is something none of us ever wants to take a dive into, now is it?

I pray that recovery will always come first in my life, and indeed that means placing you first as well God. Thank You for guiding me on my path to a life of recovery and for building my relationship with my partner into the healthiest one I’ve ever had, as only You and my life of recovery could make that possible.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“People with good intentions make promises. People with good character keep them.” (Unknown)

A friend made me a promise approximately nine months ago to send me a complimentary product from a company they own that I really wanted to try. I was more than grateful they were willing to do so, yet month after month went by where I continued to wait to receive it. Upon each of my inquiries surrounding it, there was always a reason that prevented them from sending it. At first it was backordered, then it was due to those backorders being filled, and eventually I’d simply get responses along the lines of “I will get that out this week”. But as of the time of me writing this, I have yet to receive the complimentary product I was promised. While the product itself is relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things in my life, it’s the principle of keeping a promise made that I truly find to be far more important.

I was once a person who made plenty of promises to others, most being done in an overly sincere fashion. I always had every intention to keep each of those promises, but more than not I didn’t because I was very self-absorbed and didn’t have the best of character. I was generally more concerned about my life and my needs and my wants more than anyone else’s, which in turn led me much of the time to shirk on many of the promises I made with others. The result was me constantly creating excuses as to why I hadn’t kept them. And if someone ever confronted me on that, and told me how disappointed they were with me, I’d only turn it back around on them and usually say they were being selfish. But indeed, it was I who was that very thing, I just never wanted to face up to that fact.

Thankfully, I care more about other people’s needs and wants these days more so than my own, which has led me to a life where I make good on each of the promises I make with others. It’s actually a pretty good feeling to be this way now, because people consider me trustworthy and a man of integrity and that’s precisely the type of person I truly want to be in life and also what I believe God wants me to be as well.

I pray that I always remain in integrity in my life by keeping the promises I make with others, knowing in doing so, that I’m not only being accountable to myself, but to God as well.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.” (Tradition Twelve, Alcoholics Anonymous)

Someone I know pretty well from Alcoholics Anonymous chose to unfriend me on Facebook recently, but not for something that was of my own doing. Rather, they became very concerned when someone from their job found my Facebook page and left a comment on my Timeline for one of my blogs that I had re-posted there. While my friend has been in recovery for a number of years now, none of his co-workers are aware of that and they wish to keep it that way. And given that I only use my Facebook timeline to re-post my blogs, many of which being about my 12 Step recovery work, they decided it was necessary to unfriend me, simply to protect their anonymity.

At first when they messaged me and let me know they were going to be doing this, my ego got involved. I became somewhat irritated and tried to convince them that just because they were tied to me on Facebook didn’t mean they were going to get in trouble at work, nor did it mean that they were tied to the recovery world themselves. Yet, after spending a couple of days nursing my bruised ego, I remembered the Twelfth Tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous and realized how selfish I was being. Ultimately, I was placing my personality over a very serious principle that still is extremely important in this day and age in the rooms of recovery.

After all, both my friend and I live in an “At-Will” employment state, which is a term used in U.S. labor law where an employee can be dismissed by an employer for any reason, without having to establish any cause for the termination and without any warning. In other words, in our state, you can be fired for just about anything, at any time, which is precisely why my friend wanted to place some distance between him and I in the social media realm. After sitting with this knowledge and praying about it, I understood my friend’s decision to unfriend me a lot better and was sorry I allowed my ego to overstep the importance of protecting one’s anonymity in recovery.

Anonymity really is the spiritual foundation in recovery from addictions and I’m thankful to God and a few other recovering friends of mine for reminding me of this.

I pray that I may always respect everyone’s anonymity in recovery from addiction and remember that principles need to come before personalities, especially my own.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson