Category: Daily Reflection

“It’s not our job to fix people; it’s our job to love them even while they are broken.” (Dave Willis)

I had an intense phone call with someone just recently whom I consider to be a good friend. He’s someone who’s been going through an extremely difficult time in life lately, having only begun his healing path to face his very traumatic childhood, one that would make most people shudder if they knew what he had to endure for nine years of it.

When he came into my life, I had nothing but love and compassion for the wounds he was slowly beginning to work through. As I got to know him better, I did my best to hold space for him during each of our phone calls, by allowing him to have a safe place to open up with no judgment or advice, unless he specifically asked for it.

Unfortunately, an old behavior resurfaced during our most recent phone call, where I attempted to play “Mr. Fix It”, solely because I haven’t had much success in my own healing and thought maybe I might with his. In other words, my ego tried to come to his rescue, even though I knew he wasn’t asking for that. And by that, what I mean is that I strongly suggested he needed to practice forgiveness if he wanted to heal and find some inner peace. I took it even further by offering a strong opinion taken from my own spiritual journey, on why he might have had to go through so much suffering. Because of these attempts to play “Mr. Fix It”, I ended up causing my friend a great deal of pain and anger.

This is precisely why it’s not our job to ever try to fix anyone, because it always tends to cause more problems when we do. Regrettably, I’ve done this behavior before with plenty of others throughout my life and not once have I ever seen anything good come out of it.

Now I must accept the consequences of my actions, knowing my friendship with this person may never be the same and could possibly take a long time to mend. My heart is very heavy because of this, but I’m choosing to accept that maybe I needed to experience this hard lesson again so that I’ll remember it all too well the next time I think about moving from a place of holding space for someone I love and care about, to one where I think I can fix them. As truly, only something much Greater than I can ever do that.

I pray that I may only offer my love and compassion for those who are broken, rather than my judgment and advice as to why I think they’re going through what they are. Because ultimately, I know it’s not me who has the answers, it’s something much Greater than I.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up.” (Charles Spurgeon)

I tend to believe that part of the human condition is one where we’re prone to feeling empty more than not and that is the very reason why so many of us often end up seeking some person, place, or thing outside of ourselves to fill that void. Unfortunately, there is no person, place, or thing that can ever permanently do that, but that doesn’t seem to stop the ego from trying again and again and again. I should know given the amount of addictions I succumbed to over several decades while looking for ways to fill it. I became like a car that has to constantly go the gas station to fill up with fuel, just to keep going, yet always returning back to empty. Then I heard of plenty of suggestions along the way with how to fill the emptiness up in much healthier ways.

Go help someone less fortunate. Volunteer your time. Journal in a diary. Take up a healthy hobby like gardening. Learn a new trade. Enroll in some classes. And so on and so forth. And you know what? They didn’t fill that emptiness up either. Each were but a temporary solution, no different than how alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, caffeine, cigarettes, etc., were for me either. All of those solutions were me seeking something outside of myself to fill the void and that’s something my Buddhist teachings told me was merely an illusion. And eventually, I experienced the truth in that.

It happened when I was on a 10-day silent retreat over a decade ago now, where I had to sit with my emptiness, where I was not able to write, read, have access to TV or friends, or communicate with anyone for that matter. Through it all, I experienced an emptiness that was far deeper than anything I could ever imagine. But I sat through it and watched the rise and fall of so many unnecessary cravings for things in life. And then one day, towards the latter half of that retreat, something shifted within me. It was then I felt an energy, a presence, a Light come from within. And it filled that emptiness up. Completely. Sadly, I lost that presence six months later when I fell prey to some temptations and stresses of life, succumbing all over again to the illusion that there was something “out there” that could cure my emptiness.

Thankfully, I started coming out of this illusion once more about five years ago and have been working on sitting in my emptiness again, rather than looking for ways outside of myself to fill it up. But this time, it’s been even harder to do, because I have so much pain going on at the moment in my mind and body, much in part due to the release of all the lower vibrational energies I took in. All of it begs me to look for something “out there” to take it away immediately. Yet, I know that in continuing to sit through this emptiness, instead of looking for ways to take it away temporarily, it will shift, in the Universe’s own unique timing, just like it did on that silent retreat.

So, while I may not like this emptiness I feel pretty much 24/7 these days, I know my decision to accept it as it is and sit through it, is preparing myself to be filled by something far Greater, something that I know CAN and WILL replenish itself from within, so long as I stay out of that illusion that the world has the answer to cure it, because it doesn’t.

Thank you, God, for helping me to face and sit through my emptiness, as I know in doing so, I am preparing myself to be filled by something far more sustainable that will lift me out of the illusion that says the answer is out there in the world, because I know the answer really isn’t. As it’s in here, within me, with You.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.” (Eckhart Tolle)

I fully believe that a true friend is someone who acknowledges not only the positive aspects of myself, but also any negative ones that are potentially hurting either our relationship, them, or even me. Jeff A. and Michael E. from Toledo, are two of those very people who were honest enough to tell me just recently that while they’ve seen me spiritually grow quite a bit over the past few years, that I’ve still been doing one specific behavior that’s bothered them, that being spending more time on my phone than actually engaged with them when we’ve been together.

And you know what? They’re right.

I do spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME on my phone when I hang out with friends.

If I’m not responding to text messages that come in, I’m surfing the web for an answer to something I’m thinking about. And if I’m not surfing the Internet for an answer to something I’m thinking about, I’m reading and responding to emails. And if I’m not reading and responding to emails, I’m answering or making a phone call to someone else.

Yet when doing any of that, I’m not being fully present with my friends, like I wasn’t being with Jeff and Michael, who were thankfully close enough to tell me how much it was really starting to bother them. And I totally agree, because I’m REALLY bothered anytime I’m out with someone I consider to be a friend when they do the very same thing with their cell phones. I had a conversation in fact, with my friend Frank a few months ago when I felt the hour and a half we spent bi-weekly dining together was occupied more by his phone than with us. Little did I realize he was just another mirror for a behavior I was still refusing to see within myself.

It truly has become a bad habit and one that originated with my business of life. My justification of doing it began with the notion that I wanted my free time to be just that, my free time. Time where I wasn’t texting, phone calling, or surfing the Internet. So, I started handling anything that came in on my Smart phone as soon as it arrived, regardless of who I was with at the time, solely so that I didn’t have to do it later when I was on my own downtime.

How rude and self-centered is that? A lot! And I see that pretty clearly now, which is why I plan on working on turning my cell phone to silent and keeping it in its holster from now on each time I’m hanging out with friends because you know what? They truly deserve my full attention.

I pray I may always remain present with each of the friends I spend time with by remembering that they deserve my full attention and that everything else vying for my attention can wait until a little later.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson