Category: Daily Reflection

“Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:29 NIV)

It’s far easier to have faith in God when things are going your way or when signs of God’s presence are regularly showing up, but what about having faith when things aren’t going your way and none of your prayers seem like they’re being answered? That’s precisely the dilemma I’ve been facing for a good while now, especially in recent months, and it really has challenged a part of me that for the longest of time, I rarely questioned.

The fact is, I’ve maintained some level of faith throughout my entire life and have often felt blessed by God’s presence. Whether that was through messages I received in dreams, or strange coincidences I couldn’t write off, or life-saving miracles I experienced, or any number of other things that really felt divinely inspired, I’ve always felt like God was watching over me somehow and thus didn’t question my faith…that was until just recently when all signs of God’s presence seemed to evaporate from my life.

For about seven months now, I haven’t received a single sign that provided me any clear guidance or direction, nor has any of the prayers about what I’ve been going through been answered either, at least from my perspective. Some have asked if maybe I’m blocked from receiving God’s help and because of that, five people, who I call my prayer warriors, began praying to God every day for discernment for me some time ago. None have received any messages, strong intuitions, or any other type of guidance either, which has led me to truly question my faith, just like Thomas did in the Bible, who is most known today as “Doubting Thomas”.

He questioned if Jesus had really returned and when Jesus appeared before him and showed him his wounds, Jesus stated “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” While I never quite understood what that passage meant for the longest of time, I totally get it now.

When I first believed in God, it was because my life was constantly filled with so many good things and good signs and good presences. But when much of that disappeared like in recent years, I really began questioning my faith. Yet maybe this is something I need to go through, to increase my level of faith? Maybe this is what God wants me to go through, where my hand isn’t consistently being held, to cultivate a much stronger faith, one that’s not dependent on those constant reminders of God’s presence?

I wish I knew if that were true. Unfortunately, I don’t, so I have two choices. Give up and allow my ego to call the shots or keep holding onto that mustard seed of faith and allow God to refine it into something greater. Something that I believe in the end will be unshakeable, no matter what storm ever passes my way, which is ultimately what I choose to continue believing for one more day…

I pray that I may always keep my faith in You God, whether You are showing signs of Your presence or not, for I know You have a wonderful plan for me, even when it feels like you are a million miles away. I trust You are closer than I think and for that I remain faithful in You.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“God is always faithful to answer. Sometimes His answer is a much desired “yes”. Sometimes His answer is a merciful “no”. Sometimes His answer is a faith-building “not yet”. And sometimes, when an answer cannot be found, His answer is simply “Trust me”. (Stacy L. Sanchez)

Prayer is a funny thing in that the ego demands it be answered in the way it wants and in the timing it desires and when those conditions aren’t met, it tends to cause great frustration to even the steadfast of faith. In fact, many people have become atheist and agnostic because they didn’t receive the outcome they prayed for. But honestly, how do any of us know what’s best for someone we pray for, including ourselves?

Take for example, a loved one who dies after ailing for a good while, even after many prayers are sent their way to get healthier. Many of them would get angry at God for not answering their prayers exactly as intended. But do any of them see the bigger picture that God sees? Maybe the death of their loved one is going to lead them on a Higher path they wouldn’t have been on if that person had lived? Or maybe if that person had their health restored, they would have grown even more sick down the road and had to endure even greater pain because of it? I have a great example of this very thing from my own life.

Many years ago, when my father’s mental illness was growing worse, I prayed for him to get healthier, only to see him commit suicide. I was so angry with God for not answering my prayers to improve his mental health, yet eventually, his death became the catalyst that led me on this path to spiritual enlightenment, greater faith, holistic healing, The Mankind Project, meditation, numerology, and plenty more. But if God has answered my prayers exactly as I wanted, there’s a good chance none of that would have happened and I’d still be dependent more on my biological father, than on my Heavenly Father.

Nevertheless, while I’ve seen many of my prayers for others be answered over the past few years, I have felt God has gone on radio silence when it’s come to the ones I’ve put out there for me with my state of health. I know I could choose to become atheist or agnostic and give up on God because of this and then in turn, opt to take matters into my own hands by going down any number of paths I’ve already tried already, hoping they at least give me the comfort I feel God hasn’t been giving me. Or, I could choose to believe that all this has been a faith-building process, one where God has been with me all along and has been telling me through his radio silence to keep on trusting in Him.

My choice continues to be the latter, because ultimately, I still have enough faith in God to know there is a plan for me that will be far better than any of my own that would come from me choosing to give up on God and take matters into my own hands…

I pray I always keep my faith and trust in God, no matter how my prayers are answered, especially when they go unanswered for great lengths of time or are answered in ways my ego doesn’t like.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Addictions occur when you seek to fill an emptiness inside you with something outside of you.” (Karen Salmansohn)

Have you ever felt truly empty inside for an extended period of time? If you don’t know what I mean, maybe it’ll make more sense by asking if you’ve ever felt a huge lasting void within you, where life was filled with despair and loneliness, where it seemed next to impossible to feel joy, where it looked as if the world all around you appeared dark more than light, and where you quite possibly wondered if God was even present in your life anymore. If you’ve ever been in this extremely difficult place, then you might already know how alluring it was during that time to seek something outside of yourself to fill that huge pit of emptiness. Sadly, I know that place all too well and far too often sought to fill it with things that eventually turned into addictions.

When my Dad committed suicide for example, looking at pornography, chatting with others sexually on the Internet, and going from doctor to doctor for reassurance about one perceived health issues after another is what I sought to fill the emptiness I felt from his death. The same was true when my Mother died tragically, except then I sought to fill that emptiness with promiscuity, spending loads of money, travelling overseas, and moving from one place to another. Unfortunately, all of those things turned into addictions and only temporarily filled that emptiness within me. It wasn’t until I sat with that emptiness, day in and day out, facing it head on, did it ever heal and leave me.

Lately, I’ve been sitting with a lot of emptiness, except this time I’m not so sure where it’s coming from. The difference though is that I’m not seeking to fill it with anything outside of myself anymore. While the temptation to do so has been there, oh so strongly, I have resisted it thus far and sought my Higher Power, God, even when I’ve felt like He hasn’t been answering. Because the alternative, seeking something outside of myself that will most likely turn into an addiction is only going to derail me from the ultimate purpose I believe I have in life. That being to serve God and become a living testimony to God’s grace and unconditional love. And ultimately, I know I’ll never achieve that so long as I ever seek to fill up this emptiness with anything except that which comes directly from God…

I pray I will always choose to sit through any periods of emptiness I experience in life, no matter how long they last. And I pray to always seek my Higher Power during those times as well, instead of reaching for things outside of myself that only ever turn into addictions and illusions. As I know in doing so, will that emptiness ever be able to become filled with something that’s fully sustainable.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson