Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is always the sole subject of my writing, which for today is for remaining clean and sober from all my former addictions through this pandemic thus far and through even contracting a pretty serious case of COVID myself.

Sadly, there have been many who can’t say the same. Countless have relapsed into former addictions throughout this pandemic, including many who had worked so very hard for both their short-term and long-term sobriety. Much of that is due to all the quarantining and staying away from others for almost a year now. Sitting with oneself and remaining idle is difficult for plenty of people in this world, but almost downright impossible for many with an addict brain. It’s why recovering addicts of any kind will congregate on a weekly basis at those 12 Step meetings, even many years down the road in their sobriety, because it absolutely helps with all that “squirrelly-ness” an addict brains often goes through on a constant basis. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many 12 Step meetings going on in person presently due to the pandemic. But thankfully, I have experience calming the “squirrelly-ness” down right here at my home, as I learned how to sit with myself for long periods of time at a 10-day silent retreat long ago, where I sat in silence for hours on end every day. But even with my meditative experience, it’s still been challenging for me to deal with as much isolation as I’ve had, yet I can absolutely say I’ve remained clean and sober through it all because I’ve worked hard to keep doing my daily spiritual routine every, single, day.

Daily praying and meditating, saying affirmations, writing gratitude, maintaining this blog, connecting with other sober individuals over the phone, and occasionally jumping at any chance I’ve gotten to go help another addict of any type, has helped me remain clean and sober, through even the darkest of times, the darkest of which came just recently, when I was struck with COVID myself and had a case of it where I’d put how bad it was at about a 7 out of 10.

During the first two weeks of January, when COVID hit me the worst, when I could barely get out of bed, I really questioned God, my faith, and my entire existence. Having gone through so much pain and suffering already in recent years, it put me over the edge to where I began asking myself why I was even remaining clean and sober anymore. I’m quite sure that’s exactly how others have fallen into relapses during this pandemic. That’s why I’m so grateful that I’ve never broke my habit of praying every morning on my knees because it was during each of those moments where I have shed many tears and shouted in frustration at God, but also asked for the strength to not give up and to continue remaining clean and sober. And so far, I have. Thank God!

I don’t think sobriety is something to ever be taken lightly on any level. It’s not something one should ever say to themselves, “I’ve Got This!” And it most definitely is not something one should ever try to battle alone, which is why going through this pandemic has been so challenging for many of us in recovery from a former addiction, given the longevity thus far of our limited in-person interactions.

So yes, I’m extremely grateful to have remained clean and sober from all my former addictions these past 10 months. I haven’t picked up alcohol, or drugs, or cigarettes, or engaged in any toxic sex and love-based behaviors, or put myself into any type of financial debt, or done anything that put me into a complete downward spiral that all my old addictions once did to me. I’m so thankful to still be sober in this pandemic world we continue to live in, as my sobriety is most definitely something I don’t take for granted and never will.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude always begins my week in writing, which for today is for Dennis Lange, a friend who recently passed away due to complications from the COVID-19 virus.

Dennis was someone I never really got to know all that deeply, but someone I always did admire from afar. It was never a secret to Dennis that I found him physically attractive, but what he never knew was how attracted I was to how giving of a person he was.

I first met Dennis many years ago because of an invite my partner Chris and I received to his annual Mardi Gras party held at his house in the Old West End of Toledo every February. Each year Dennis would open up his home to his friends and much of the community he was involved in to celebrate a roaring night of food, drink, costume, happiness, and cheer with each other. I never asked him how much time, energy, and money he put into those parties, but I know it was a lot. And he sure did do his best at every one of them, to let each of his guests know how appreciated they were.

Dennis was also part of a gay men’s social group here in Toledo that my partner and I attended regularly for a while. Dennis periodically hosted a number of the group’s events throughout the year at his home. Each time he did, it was apparent how much he had that soul of giving, as there was always plenty of amazing food and drink to go around, no different than his Mardi Gras parties.

And speaking of food and drink, when Dennis re-opened his restaurant, Pumpernickel’s, near its original location in downtown Toledo, I made sure to dine there a few times. He was always pleasant with there, and made me feel very welcomed. And whether there or at his home, he had this unique way to make me laugh and take life less seriously, especially when I was down.

While Dennis and I were two very different people in much of our belief systems, me more liberal and he more conservative on some issues and the exact opposite on others, he never once made me feel like my stances were wrong and instead consistently accepted them and me unconditionally. I appreciated him for that and for that strong stance he held in all his beliefs, as I found it to be a very attractive quality about himself.

There was a strength about Dennis and a determination in his personality, even when things were difficult in his life, and for someone I knew very little about in the six or so years I knew him, he always seemed like a pretty dynamic individual to me.

Extremely involved in the local community in many ways throughout his life, doing his best to make a difference many-a-times, regularly opening his home to plenty of guests, and even frequently giving to the homeless when they came right up to his own front porch, I am saddened to know this pandemic took yet another beautiful soul of someone greatly loved by me and many others.

While I’m not sure what Dennis’s spiritual beliefs were, as we never talked about them, I hope that he’s in a place now where he’s able to continue entertaining others with his great social skills, his culinary creativity, and his love to just bring people together to create happiness and joy and make others laugh.

Dennis, you will be missed by me and I dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to you my friend. I love you.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, which for today is a brief entry of heart-felt gratitude to all who have supported my partner Chris and I during this long battle with COVID-19.

Getting COVID-19 has been tough. Really tough actually. My partner and I truly have gone through a pretty big ordeal of sickness in our house where for a good period of time, neither of us were even able to get out of the separate beds we were sleeping in given how sick we felt.

Unlike any sickness we’ve ever had, there have been many moments where it truly seemed as if this virus was never going to start getting better. But, in the midst of it all, I must say it was knowing how many people cared about us that helped us to keep going and keep fighting thus far.

So, to all the people who responded with loving messages to my initial posting where I let everyone know my partner and I had contracted COVID, Thank You.

To all the people who have called us on the phone to see how we are doing. Thank You.

To all the people who have texted or messaged us on social media to see if we were ok. Thank You.

To all the people who went to the grocery store for us and got us some essentials to keep going. Thank You.

And to all those who have simply prayed and sent positive healing energy to us behind the scenes for our well-being. Thank You.

While there are far too many names to mention individually for today’s Grateful Heart Monday, I promise you that each of your names are upon my partner’s heart and my heart in today’s brief entry of thankfulness, for what you have done to help us navigate through this sickness thus far. It seems as if it has gotten us through the worst of it and that we are finally on the mends. So thank you everyone for all the love and light you’ve given Chris and I to make it to this point and for any more of that you send our way as we continue to heal. We love you!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson