Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where I look to express a slice of gratitude from my life to start each of my weeks off with, which for today is for what two clients told me at a local addiction residential treatment program I do monthly presentations at.

I have been thanked by many people over the years after I finish my addiction to recovery presentation. Most come in the form of hugs and warm greetings, many with tears in their eyes, as they usually say nothing more than “Thank you.” I’ve always given credit to God for it and the ability to speak and tell my story with such loquaciousness. It’s become obvious God gave me a gift to move so many people just in humbling myself and telling my life story. But in my most recent monthly speaking engagement at this residential treatment program, a gentleman approached me as I was getting ready to leave who in tears said that he was about to check himself out of the program that day from sheer frustration and a desire to go use drugs again, but something told him to stay that day and after hearing my story, he knew why and said he felt God through my words for the very first time. When I hear things like this, it’s a strong reminder that I am on the right path, doing the right thing, for God himself. After all, I consider myself only a vessel for a greater purpose in each of my addiction to recovery presentations. As for the other individual I mentioned, a gentleman there also asked to walk me to the door as I left, and as we did, in full eye contact, he said I was his angel today, and how blown away he was at the presence of God he felt in the room. I had no words to say but, “Thank you God!”

Doing this 12 Step recovery work I do is humbling on countless levels, but there are a number of moments, like recently at my own Phi Kappa Psi chapter where I also told my story or this local residential treatment program where I did the same, where the Spirit flowed through me with such intensity, that even though I was retelling it for the umpteenth time, it came out in such a way that moved many in the room to tears, where God seeds got planted that will sprout one day, a day where  unconditional love will most assuredly arise within each of these individuals, making me very grateful indeed.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude gets expressed at the start of every week, which for today is for a realization I didn’t want to face, but most certainly needed to, that being that my very own actions have led to my partner’s heart becoming more closed than open and us being more apart than together now.

I find it so ironic sometimes how the Universe often reveals things we need to see to spiritually grow in the oddest of ways. In this case, ever since a new connection came into my life who I’m helping to open their heart, I’ve been seeing more and more how I’ve done the exact opposite with my partner. To help someone open their heart, it doesn’t come through force, control, yelling, demanding, lecturing, or anything of the sort. While I have steered completely away from doing any of those things in this new connection, which have led to many beautiful God moments, I haven’t done the same with my partner for a very long time. Instead, I’ve been trying to force my partner’s heart open through countless actions that came off as controlling, yelling, and demanding. I’m not proud to admit this to the world because it’s quite humbling and ego shattering.

To be a good spiritual teacher and leader in this world, something I desperately hope to become one day for God, I know that great change will never come through any sort of force whatsoever. Opening the heart center especially takes a certain delicate operation, one that involves embracing, being patient, praising, uplifting, and letting the other know how proud you are of them. Doing those things for another most certainly will help their heart center open and offering such things is definitely a sign of a great teacher, something I know now I’ve failed miserably in with my other half.

I honestly don’t know if my relationship with my partner can heal from all the massive brokenness we have now. While some of that brokenness is indeed his responsibility as well, 12 Step recovery has most assuredly taught me to always own my side of the street. I see so clearly now how my very own words and actions have led to my partner’s heart being more closed than open. Helping this new individual in my life where I’ve done the exact opposite has certainly shown me that. Why I couldn’t see this and practice this long ago when my partner started pulling back when he first began struggling with various aspects of his life that had nothing to do with me, I don’t know. What I do know is that when he did begin to pull back all those years ago, instead of doing what I am doing now in my life to embrace another’s heart so delicately, I came at it with such force that it was nothing more than me being a scolding parent, which is truly no different than the controlling mother I once had.

I have great sadness over this new realization, yet immense gratitude as well, at least to know now how I hold a lot of responsibility in all this, in this brokenness my partner and I have. The only thing I know I can do know is practice restraint, to give space, and to not engage in any force anymore trying to get what my heart so desperately wants in life, which is simply just to feel loved, something I feel so very devoid of in life and have for a long time.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, I’m thankful in a very humbling way that the Universe has shown me a truth about myself and my relationship with my partner, a truth I pray and hope to never repeat again with him or anyone else…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another expression of gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday! Today, I want to offer my gratefulness for returning to my former alma mater, Rochester Institute of Technology (R.I.T.), just over a week ago solely to do an alcohol, drug, and hazing presentation, something I felt was a great honor given the mass chaos and destruction I once caused there during my undergraduate days.

I find it so ironic that I was able to offer a presentation to my fraternity about the very thing that almost got me booted both from it and my college almost thirty years ago now. I truly was a holy terror during my undergraduate days. I harmed myself, others, and was extremely reckless on a daily basis, all due to alcohol and drug addiction. If you asked me then whether I’d be clean and sober and living a life of recovery one day, one that involved me giving a presentation surrounding it all to my very fraternity, I would have laughed and said, “Yeah, right!” How things have changed within me indeed since then!

Speaking to the majority of my active chapter was such an incredible honor and incredibly humbling. Talking about all the damage my addiction to alcohol and drugs once caused my fraternity and to my life in general was actually far harder than most of my other motivational speaking has been in recent years. On some level, I realized I was speaking to some who might actually be doing the very thing to their own lives I once did when I was taking classes and going for my degree. I think that’s why this felt more like doing a living amends, one that I continue to live out with my chapter making up for all my former wrongdoing with them.

I am grateful to say that my presence and presentation with my chapter ended up being a complete success. When I was done speaking, I noticed there were a number of people there moved to tears, something I often don’t see coming from men in general. The outpouring of thanks and connection I received afterwards was immense and far deeper than anything I ever experienced during my undergraduate days.

All the heartfelt text messages, phone calls, walk-up approaches, and even follow-up 1-on-1 meetings from some who needed further guidance with addiction issues in their lives felt more fulfilling than anything I’ve experienced in recent years in my 12 Step recovery work. One brother there even lovingly nominated me for the next chapter president, which I took as a great honor, and something I probably would have accepted if I was still attending school there these days.

Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly love doing the work I do in alcohol and drug education, especially telling my story to help inspire others who want to know about addiction and recovery and for those still trying to find healing themselves from addiction. It truly has become one of the biggest blessings in my life. And in all honestly, visiting R.I.T., solely for the sake of helping my fraternity in their risk management education may just very well be the best sobriety gift I received in 2022 thus far.

So, to all my brothers of New York Theta Phi Kappa Psi, I offer my sincere thanks and gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday for making it possible for me to return to tell you my addiction to recovery story and be there for all of you like many brothers once were for me. It was humbling, healing, and rewarding on many levels, and something I hope to continue doing for all of you in the future. I love you all!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson