Category: Recovery From Addictions

Back in the day, it was pretty hard for newcomers to attend any 12-Step recovery meeting without getting noticed by someone and being taken in under their wing. Unfortunately, that’s not necessarily the case anymore. With so many different forms of recovery programs, a vast amount of meetings available at any time, and with so many largely attended groups, it’s relatively easy to slip in and out of a meeting without a single person even saying hello. It’s sad to say, but it’s the truth as I’ve observed it time and time again. While there are those who still go out of their way to greet everyone in the meetings they attend, a good way for a newcomer to get noticed and stay around for awhile is to join a home group.

Joining a home group is one of the main things that are constantly reiterated to newcomers these days in all 12-Step recovery programs. In fact, it usually is thought to be one of the bare essentials to an individual’s recovery. And while it’s unfortunate how many choose not to take this simple action, those that do end up finding great rewards to their recovery and spiritual growth. One of the biggest is it helps to remove the loneliness an addict frequently endures.

When I was in in the throngs of my addictions, friends, family, loved ones, and relationships all tended to fall apart. This often left me in a perpetual state of loneliness and by the time I found 12-Step recovery, I felt the world had long ago forgotten about me. Joining a group helped to change that. It acclimated me to becoming a part of something again and gave me a sense of camaraderie.

Another benefit from joining a home group is the telephone support of its members. Especially during the first year or so when a newcomer is completely overwhelmed by everything, there are going to be plenty of times when a recovery phone call becomes necessary. Having a group phone list helps immensely in this. There were numerous occasions that I utilized those lists on days when everything seemed to be going wrong. Calling group members not only prevented me from going back out with a relapse, it also boosted their own recovery as they practiced the 12th Step in helping me. In addition, calling group members had an indirect benefit as well when I saw that it helped to create new friends.

For me, the most important thing I’ve seen that’s arisen out of being a part of a home group is those friendships I’ve made with group members. Many of the people I spend time regularly with today are from the groups I am a member of. I now enjoy on a weekly basis hanging out with people from my groups doing such things as card game nights, movie outings, coffees and meals, and attending other meetings of all things!

There are many more benefits of joining a home group, as these are just the ones that touched my life the most. I’m currently a member of two different ones as there are no rules to how many a person becomes a part of. The main thing is that I attend them regularly and do my best to get active in each of them. Whether that’s helping to set it up or clean it up, taking on a group duty, calling group members, or something else, each will end up showing you the purpose of having a home group in recovery.

So if you are an addict on any level and are tired of feeling that desolation, despair, and loneliness that comes with it, I encourage you to find 12-Step recovery if you haven’t already. And when you do, join a home group, get active within it, and you will find invaluable benefits coming to your recovery and spiritual growth in life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I went to an AA meeting today and heard a woman talk about a relapse she went through recently after a long period of sobriety. Something she said really moved me to comment during that meeting, enough so that I wanted to write about it here as well. Towards the end of her share she mentioned she was really far from being the person she used to be and missed that part of herself.

Here’s my simple truth on that matter…

I don’t ever want to be who I used to be.

Sometimes it’s easy for the ego to say that things were so much better in the past. Trust me, I should know given the pain levels I’ve been enduring in my spiritual journey to heal and grow closer to God. There have been many-a-days where I have romanticized my old life, the one where I was able to get around and participate in a lot more things. But the reality is that I am spiritually healthier and so much more in tune with unconditional love and light today, than I was back then. While I might have been more active in sports and in various other activities, the sad truth is that I also lived in a tremendous amount of darkness during those times. Who I used to be then was the same person that led me continuously into one addiction after another.

As for that woman in the AA meeting, she hasn’t realized yet that the woman she misses being is the same woman that led herself into her relapse. She also doesn’t understand that she has already grown through that relapse and is becoming healthier than who she was prior to it. The same principle holds true for me.

I grew an incredible amount by living in all my addictions and relapses. Honestly, going through all of that darkness is what helps me to speak openly today about who I am now and who I am still becoming.

Often many people in recovery will give up and relapse when the pain starts piling up. For this woman, a failed relationship was enough pain to lead her back out. Through spiritual work with her sponsor and her Higher Power though, she’ll realize that there was a gift in all of what she went through. Her relapse revealed a weakness in her recovery program and spiritual life that she was living before going back out. While she might feel more pain now than she did before her relapse, she truly is spiritually growing beyond her past self.

I really admire when a person shares so openly like this woman did today. Her courage is impressive and it shows her Higher Power is working within her. I pray that she realizes this soon enough and learns she is already healthier today than she was before her relapse. And I know through a deeper relationship with her Higher Power, she’ll eventually realize that she really is quite far from the person she used to be, but she’ll also know that’s a good thing!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

One of the main focuses in all forms of recovery from addiction is get healthy enough to help those who are still suffering from the disease. That usually begins with a person sharing their experience, strength, and hope in the recovery meetings they attend. As they mature in their recovery though, newcomers will often ask them to be their sponsor. Essentially what that means is that the newcomer is looking for guidance in their recovery program.

Sponsoring another individual helps to meet part of the following criteria that’s written in the 12th Step:

“… we tried to carry this message to alcoholics…”

I’ve purposely bolded the word “tried” because of something I went through recently with a sponsee I was trying to carry the message of recovery to. But before I get into that discussion, it’s important to note that how someone sponsors another is different from one recovering individual to the next. In my case, it primarily means two things.

1. Taking someone through the entire 12-Steps as they are written in the literature.

2. Helping someone discover a deep connection to his or her own Higher Power.

It is a spiritual gift when any person is asked to help sponsor another individual in a 12-Step recovery program. Many don’t realize how much it helps a sponsor’s recovery grow, as much as it does the sponsee’s, in the work they do together. Unfortunately, there are times though when the sponsee-sponsor relationship doesn’t work and isn’t a good fit. But unless they both try, it’s impossible to know whether it would work or not. That is why I bolded the word “tried” in the above excerpt from the 12th Step.

I believe the most important thing I can ever do in life with anything that challenges me is to try doing it. That principle holds true even in my sponsorship of others in recovery from addiction. When I am asked to help sponsor another individual, if I have the available time, I generally will say yes. Recently, I did that for an individual only to realize about a month later, that I wasn’t the best fit for them. The result was that I had to stop sponsoring them.

There are many reasons why the sponsor-sponsee relationship can end up not working out. In this case, I wasn’t equipped with the right tools to handle this sponsee’s needs. While the specifics aren’t necessary here as to what tools were needed, the bottom line was that my increased frustration, stress, and arguments with this individual were signs showing it wasn’t the right fit.

It truly is important in recovery from any addiction, that we do our best to “try” carrying the message to others. But that should never come at the expense of our own health and recovery. It was hard for me to initially see that this was happening with this individual. It was even harder for me to overcome my pride and ego when I did. Cutting the sponsoring cord to this person was truly humbling because I don’t like giving up on anyone. Thankfully though, my sponsor helped me to see that I wasn’t really giving up on them, I just wasn’t the right fit.

The lesson I leaned in all of this is that I can’t always help everyone. The best that I can do in my recovery is to “try” carrying the message to others. While it is a gift to do that, especially when I’m asked to sponsor another, I see today that I may not always be the best fit for them. I have gratitude for my Higher Power in helping me to learn another spiritual lesson in recovery…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson