Category: Recovery From Addictions

In just about every recovery meeting I’ve ever attended, whether it be AA or any other fellowship, I’ve recited something known as The Serenity Prayer. Having said this prayer so many times over the years now, I finally grew curious as to where it originated. What was interesting was how much I learned in my research for that answer.

One of the first things I discovered, that I’m sure many might not know, is the Serenity Prayer spoken in recovery meetings isn’t actually the full version of it. The following is what is known as its ‘long’ version:

“God, give me grace to accept with serenity 

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.”

Over the years, even this version of The Serenity Prayer has come under scrutiny as to whether it’s even the first iteration of it. There also has been a tremendous amount of speculation as to who originally came up with its words. Most sources seem to claim that a Dr. Reinhold Niehbuh, a theologian in the 1940’s, is that person. But even Niehbur questioned himself at one point when he told an interviewer that versions of the prayer could have been around for years or even centuries.

Upon further research, Bill Wilson, the founder of AA himself, even wrote in the book A.A. Comes of Age that “some say it [The Serenity Prayer] came from the early Greeks; others think it was from the pen of an anonymous English poet; still others claimed it was written by an American Naval officer…” In my research, other sources further cited ancient Sanskrit texts, Aristotle, St. Augustine, St Thomas Aquinas, Spinoza, Cicero, Boethius, Marcus Aurelius, St. Francis of Assisi, Thomas More, and Friedrich Christoph Oetinger, all as possibilities of being the original creator of The Serenity Prayer.

While the exact origin and author of this prayer may be shrouded in uncertainty, there is something else I found even more fascinating about it. The version I’ve come to know and love was originally not conceived as an antidote to addiction. Instead it is said that Niehbur wrote it in response to the evils going on with Nazi Germany during World War II. Being a first-generation German-American, Neihbur was safe from the persecution in his native country, but powerless to oppose Hitler. Sources claim he wrote The Serenity Prayer because of this and it was used for a sermon he gave at the Union Church in Heath, Massachusetts. Thus, the intent behind Niehbur’s prayer was in direct response to the horrors going on in his country with the treatment and genocide of the Jewish people.

In 1944, Niehbur’s prayer was published in The Book of Prayers and Services for the Armed Forces. At that time, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous was only in its beginning stages. But apparently a copy of The Serenity Prayer eventually made it to the desk of Bill Wilson, who in turn asked Niehbur for permission to use it in the meetings he was leading. After receiving it, Bill toned down some of its religious connotations by shortening it and changing a few of its words to the following that we in recovery all know and love so well:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

 the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

To this day, it’s Bill Wilson’s version of The Serenity Prayer that has become an incredible symbol of faith, hope, and acceptance for so many who have suffered from one addiction or another. So while there may always be a little bit of mystery surrounding this prayer’s true origin and author, I’m just truly grateful to God that it even exists at all. It’s words have been an inspiration to not only me, but countless of other alcoholics and addicts who have used its words for decades to find their own recovery from their addictions too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I used to apologize constantly for every mistake I made in life. Saying “I’m sorry” became a common occurrence for me. It didn’t take me very long to learn though that those words held no real value when I kept on repeating the same mistakes. Thankfully, 12 Step recovery helped me to break that cycle. Even better, it showed me how to heal all the damage I had caused others by using the amends process in the 8th and 9th Steps. But I also learned a very valuable lesson when I started making those amends to those I had brought harm to throughout my life. I learned that sometimes the only amends the people I had harmed were seeking were a “Living Amends”.

To put it quite simply, a “Living Amends” is where a person starts to live life in much healthier manner as compared to their old negative way of living. It’s basically when a person starts making genuine efforts to remove all their toxic behaviors on a daily basis.

For a guy like me who used the words “I’m sorry” more times than I can remember, doing even the basic amends process in the 8th and 9th step wasn’t always enough. My sister was the first person to inform me of this. Time and time again, I had caused her great harm and pain because of my addictive lifestyle. Often I was completely selfish, self-centered, dishonest, and engaging in fear based behaviors around her. The first time I approached her to make a formal 9th Step amends, she went along with the process and thanked me for it when it was done. Unfortunately, it wasn’t done for me though because not too long after that I just repeated my same old mistakes and hurt her all over again. By the time I got around to doing the 9th Step process again a few years later, I approached her for another formal amends. It was then that she outright refused. She told me she was tired of hearing me make apologies that ranged from “I’m sorry” to the formal 9th Step amends lingo. What she really wanted to see was me living my life in a much healthier way.

I’m grateful to say that I’m doing that now. In fact, my sister recently let me know how proud she was of me with how I’m living my life. We have regular conversations now about spirituality, God, and the like and I finally feel as if I’m becoming the brother she always wanted.

This is what a living amends is truly all about. It’s about living a life where God starts running the show. It’s about becoming that beacon of love and light and not that vacuum of darkness and negativity. And it’s about living one’s life in such a positive way that the amends is being made in that action alone.

So if you are someone who needs to make an amends to anyone, I ask you to consider just one thing. Are you still exhibiting any of the same old negative behaviors that caused the harm in the first place? Because if you are, then I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and hold off on making that amends. Instead, ask God to help you change all those old negative behaviors. In doing so, know you’re making a “Living Amends” where you’re not only healing yourself, but also all those you harmed as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s easy to get caught up in self, especially when I’m not feeling too well. But that doesn’t completely excuse my self-centered behaviors that arise during those times, especially when they end up affecting others negatively. Thankfully though, I have the 10th Step in my recovery program to handle those situations when I have:

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

One of those 10th Step situations occurred recently with a holistic practitioner who I’ve been seeing for awhile now to deal with my physical pain issues. I had scheduled an appointment with her to take place on the day I was driving out of town for the Christmas holidays. My plan was to see her and then get on the highway to head towards my partner’s house. On the morning of the appointment and that drive out of town, I received a phone call from her indicating she wasn’t going to be able to see me that day. When I inquired as to why, I learned she was very sick and physically unable to get out of bed. Unfortunately, I was going through that day with an incredible amount of physical pain myself where I wasn’t in the best state of mind to listen to her very well. So instead of hearing just how sick she was, I started saying to her over and over again how bad I felt, that I was heading out of town that day for the holidays, and that I really needed her to keep my appointment. When she became even more adamant that she wasn’t going to be well enough to do so, I then asked if she knew anyone else who might be able to see me that day. The sad thing about this is that I was so caught up in myself that day due to my pain levels, that I didn’t even consider the idea that maybe I wasn’t meant to have the appointment at all.

What I mean by this is that I truly believe God can intervene at times in our lives to prevent things from getting even worse than they already are. I never put thought to the possibility that my pain could have increased from the work she would have been done on me in that appointment. I also didn’t think about the possibility that getting on the road sooner could have prevented me from getting into an accident that would have occurred from leaving at the later time. Regardless of whether God truly intervened in this situation or not, the fact remained that my appointment wasn’t meant to be that day and I struggled to accept that. Instead, I became inconsiderate of my practitioner’s poor state of health. And what I didn’t know was how much I had upset and angered her because of it.

It took me almost six days to realize it and fully take my 10th Step inventory on the situation. I felt off the entire time but couldn’t quite figure out why until my pain levels finally dropped a few notches. By the time they did, I was able to see things a lot more clearly on what had transpired between myself and her. It then became evident to me that I needed to make an amends to her, which I did both through an e-mail and verbally over the phone. And afterwards, I felt so much better like a weight had been lifted off my chest.

This is the precise reason why the 10th Step exists in all the Twelve Step recovery programs. None of us are perfect and we’re going to make mistakes throughout life. We are all going to still get wrapped up from time to time in selfish and self-centered behaviors, even if we are working a strong God-centered program. The key is to be open to seeing it when we do and then to be humble enough to admit where we were wrong.

I’m grateful God helped me to do this with one of my holistic practitioners by showing me how I negatively affected her during a moment of my own pain-filled self-centeredness. I’ve even more grateful that God helped me to humble myself enough to make an amends to her because of it. But I’m most grateful to God for the 10th Step itself, because it’s through its actions where I continue to find myself growing more and more spiritually each time I practice it.

The 10th Step is a critical step in the Twelve Step recovery programs that should never be overlooked. I encourage you to try practicing it each and every day of your life, and you’ll probably find yourself like I have, becoming a lot brighter and a lot lighter in doing so.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson