Category: Recovery From Addictions

These entries focus on offering spiritual guidance and pathways for recovery for anyone who has dealt with addictions.

Are We Moving Farther And Farther Away From Having Healthy Communication With Each Other?

One of the things I think I’m probably most concerned about with the direction our society is heading in, is the growing disconnection we seem to have with each other, especially when it comes to much of the new generations in life where the strongest form of “healthy” communication seems to be in texting.

I’ve been reading about how addictions are massively on the rise in our culture, especially since the pandemic first came upon us, and I tend to believe much of that is due to our present forms of “healthy” communication. Because the forms we are using now are really less about communicating and more about avoidance. How many times I’ve called people in recent years who’ve had voicemails that are full, I’ve lost count. I spoke to a college student last week here locally who told me they never listen to their voicemail and tend to leave it full. Most of their generation say the best way to reach them to communicate is via text.

People want to know why depression and suicide attempts continue to increase every year. This is why. Human beings weren’t born to simply immerse themselves in text messages, social media and the like. While one may have tons of friends or followers on their social media, that doesn’t translate to having healthy communication and connection. Isn’t having healthy communication and connection more about one person meeting another for a coffee or meal, or maybe taking a stroll through a local park with each other, to talk about life, and show  how much they matter to each other.

Many addicts have also been relapsing into old addictions in the past few years while others began a path of addiction, all because the pandemic moved them further away from having healthy communication due to quarantine and isolation. While video chats helped to alleviate some of the loneliness, it wasn’t enough for some who chose addictions to cope with the lack of real human connection.

Nevertheless, I miss those days when people actually had healthy communication with each other on buses, in stores, at restaurants, in public places, amongst strangers even. Today, not so much. Today, all it takes is a quick look around in public where you’ll see so many blankly staring into their phones rather than at the people they’re spending time with. Believe me, I’ve fallen into this pattern at times as well all because of the fear of missing out on something. But this is one of the main reasons why our world keeps digressing more and more from healthy communication.

Healthy communication is about being there for each other, learning about each other, supporting each other, making eye contact, and showing in those moments, that one doesn’t have to be alone in a world that these days seems so easy to feel alone.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling disconnected, alone, or isolated in this world, try reaching out to a friend over the phone, or better yet, meet one in person and be fully present with them, rather than immersed in whatever forms of the digital realm you carry with you. Because it’s in those moments you dedicate to another human soul, that often become the very thing that not only will help you feel less alone in this world, but also help another feel less alone as well, especially someone like me who has always felt more overlooked in society than embraced. I treasure real human interaction and thank all those who continue to call me or meet me in person. It’s each of you who have demonstrated healthy communication and reminded me I do matter in a world I often feel like I don’t…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Time When I Saw A Proud Mother And Father With Their Son During My 30th Fraternity Alumni Reunion…

Recently, I returned to my alma mater, Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT), for my 30th alumni reunion of my fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi. In a few days I’ll be sharing my gratitude from that, but today I wanted to reflect on something I saw on campus while there, which was a proud mother and father walking along with their son, who was beaming from their praise.

I’ve often wished I had parents like that. Parents who looked at their son in that way more than not. When I first got dropped off at college at the beginning of my freshman year, I clearly remember my mother being the only one there. My father had walked out a few months prior, just before my high school graduation. They were amid a very long and drawn-out divorce process that would go on for several more years. Reflecting on this 30 years later after seeing the image of those parents glowing over their son, and their son who will probably always remember that moment with fond memories of his parents love for him, a wave of sadness overcame me and I began to cry.

Many of the people in 12 Step recovery have shared experiences like this. Quite a number of them fell into their addictions because they were raised in families were unconditional love was rarely, if ever, present. Many often struggle to recollect moments were either of their parents ever beamed over them. Rather, their memories are more of all the times they were feeling alone, unloved, abandoned, and seeking something to fill that pit of despair.

That pit of despair is what I felt when I saw that boy with his parents. A pit that may always be there on some level any time I see parents doting over their kids. I try to make up for that pit today by telling myself how proud I am of how far I’ve come in life and how many achievements I’ve made. I also do my best now to be a parental figure to those I help in the recovery realm, letting them know how proud of them I am as well with the work they do to change their lives for the better. Addicts tend to have a very difficult time feeling like they even matter in this world and overcoming that pit can take a long time, something that I still battle with from time to time to this very day, especially when I see parental figures showing their kid so much unconditional love.

While I was so proud of those parents and happy for their son, it truly was a bittersweet moment for me. In all honestly, I never walked for my graduation from RIT because I didn’t think my parents would show up together for the sake of me going through a special day, so I bypassed it altogether having my diploma mailed to me. But, there are still days that I do miss my mother and father, just not the mother and father that died tragically from their own additions and mental health issues. The parents I miss in those moments when I see loving parents with their kids comes from a time far earlier in my life, far before all the family drama unfolded, and far before I was ever thrusted into any courtroom battle over family finances and the like. It took me working my 12 Step recovery for years before any of those happy memories returned, all because I had held onto anger and resentment over my parents during my addiction years, as that was far easier to protect my hurting heart.

So, when I see proud and loving parents these days with their children like I did at RIT during my 30th alumni reunion, I can thank my 12 Step recovery work for helping me to remember something as simple as me playing a game of miniature golf when I was in single digits, where I just sunk a hole in one, and my parents cheered for me, beaming from ear to ear.

It’s those moments that have become precious and dear to my heart thanks to my sober and recovering life, moments I can choose to remember at any point I now see those proud parents beaming over their children, something I know that deep down below all my parents sickness was always there…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Saying Goodbye To Harley…

While I’ve known a few people in my life named or nicknamed Harley, today’s title and subject material isn’t about any of them, it’s about an obsession I had, an addiction at best, that I finally was able to say goodbye to, once and for all.

Just over ten years ago now, I was obsessed, codependently, with a guy named Andy, someone who loved Harley Davidson motorcycles and clothing more than anything else. When I met him, I was interested in neither, yet became immediately enamored with both him and his two-wheeled adoration. Prior to meeting him, no offense to the rest of the Harley Davidson aficionados, I couldn’t stand hearing those bikes whenever they went by. They hurt my hearing and most of the guys I ever knew who owned them were typically rude and obnoxious to me, always parking their motorcycles on sidewalks and acting like they were better than everyone else.

But in came Andy into my life, in the 12 Step recovery world, during a stint where addiction ruled some of his world temporarily. I immediately became smitten with him because that’s what an addict like me did so easily back then. It didn’t take long before I was hanging out with Andy more than not, doing my best to fit into his world, even though I stood out like a sore thumb. His world was a bunch of bad-ass biker type of guys, all heterosexual, who partied hard and talked about many things I had no clue about. In my best of thinking (but really worst of thinking), I decided that maybe if I bought a whole bunch of Harley Davidson clothing, shaved my head, and grew a goatee, that I’d fit in better into Andy’s world, and he’d like me better. As I said already, this is what serious codependency and love addiction does to an addict of that type of variety, one who becomes addicted to pleasing another to gain their love, often at their own expense.

Over the course of almost two years, I amassed close to $1000 of Harley clothes and hats, all top-of-the-line type of stuff. Most of the time I wore it people would ask me what kind of Harley bike I owned. Whenever I responded that I didn’t have one, I was usually asked what kind I’d like to have. I never had a good answer because deep down I still didn’t like Harley Davidson bikes or motorcycles in general, yet I pretended to like them for the sake of winning Andy over, so I generally made up an answer. This never won Andy over and only made myself seriously sick in the process, trying to become something I wasn’t ever meant to. This is sadly what codependent and love addicted type of thinking does to a person in the long run.

Eventually, towards the end of April of 2012, Andy called me one day to hang out. I had become so sick from that addiction at that point, I knew I had to say goodbye. While I successfully did that day, I didn’t say goodbye fully to Harley Davidson. Although, I would never again buy any of its clothing after that, I continued to wear what I had for another ten years. I don’t know why I did for so long, maybe because I felt like a bad ass whenever I wore it, maybe because I had spent so much money on it, or maybe because it still reminded me of the love I once had for Andy, I’m not sure? But eventually one evening, just over a week ago now, I opened my closet and saw all that clothing and knew I needed to let it, Andy, and any traces of that old addiction go, once and for all.

I headed to Goodwill the next day with it all in tow and handed it to a man there accepting donations. He ironically told me he was a big enthusiast of Harley Davidson motorcycles, go figure! He was shocked to see so much of the brand in my hands and in such amazing quality. I held a conversation with him about his hobby and when it ended, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, knowing it was probably going to be the final time I ever talked about Harley Davidson motorcycles again.

While this indeed was a big step for me, considering how much time, energy, and money I had spent on Harley Davidson, trying to win over Andy all those years ago, I am blessed to be fully free of it all now. Saying goodbye to Harley was probably the best thing I have done in my SLAA program of recovery in a good, long while, and I can say that I am a far healthier person now because of it. Thanks be to the strength of God and my 12 Step SLAA program of recovery!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson