Category: Recovery From Addictions

Just over a week ago a rare celestial event took place right here on Earth. There was a blood supermoon and an eclipse, all in one fall evening. According to what I read online, the last time an event of this magnitude took place was in 1982, with the next not being until 2033. I was extremely grateful to have witnessed this rare event firsthand, but I must say that it wasn’t all the long ago where I probably couldn’t have cared less.

You see, having once succumbed to such an addiction-laden life, when any of God’s magnificence was taking place up vin the sky, I was always more concerned about getting drunk or high, or spending it in a casino, or scouring the web for porn, or chatting with someone sexually on the Internet, or chasing after some individual who I was totally consumed with.

The fact is, I missed out on so many things like this supermoon eclipse because I constantly was seeking out highs that hit me much harder and faster than what I thought any event in the sky could give me. But now that I’m several years beyond living in any addiction, I find myself having a much greater appreciation for the simpler highs in life such as this celestial event. This is why I made sure to be firmly seated outside on the night this was all taking place. And while the clouds did spoil a little of the beauty that evening I was thankful nonetheless to have seen any of it.

So essentially, the only reason why I’m writing today’s entry is simply because I just feel an immense amount of gratitude for having seen much of this rare supermoon eclipse event. I used to miss out on so many of God’s wonders like this not too long ago due to any number of former addictions, but thankfully that’s no longer the case, and I’m definitely so very grateful for that…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Having too much free time on one’s hands can often prove to be very challenging to anyone, especially if they’re a recovering alcoholic/addict. Personally, with me not currently working due to my ongoing health issues, I’ve found my amount of free time to always be in great abundance. Many of those I’ve known in recovery have frequently asked how having so much of that never gets to me. The truth is, I try to keep myself pretty busy so that I rarely allow any of that “stinking thinking” to take over.

For those who don’t know what “stinking thinking” is, it’s a term that’s regularly used in the 12 Step programs for when a person is having a surge of negative thoughts about themselves, their recovery, and life in general.

Having not worked for quite awhile now, there have been plenty of times where I’ve allowed that “stinking thinking” to surface. But most often, that’s happened when I haven’t been keeping myself busy with my 12^th step work, connecting with God, and engaging in the variety of things I do in my personal life to remain creative.

This is specifically why I’m presently taking four different people through the entire 12 Step process. It’s why I’m consistently attending at least five 12 Step meetings every week. It’s why I’m volunteering for the local AA hospital committee on a weekly basis, putting on meetings at various places where people are trying to find their own sobriety. It’s why I’m maintaining this blog and placing something on it every single day for others to see. It’s why I’m spending several hours each morning in my own spiritual routines that include prayer, meditation, affirmations, and audio attunements. And it’s why I’m commonly spending time reading spiritual books, doing complex puzzles, and even drawing in an adult coloring book.

Of course there are plenty of other ways I keep myself busy on a healthy level as well. Case in point last weekend I had my entire Saturday free from morning to night. That’s why I decided to head to the theater and see two separate films back to back. When they were done, I checked the local listing of AA meetings and found one was a mere four miles away and starting in just a short bit. By the time that meeting ended my evening was almost over. I finished it with some 12 Step phone calls, some work on my blog, some coloring, and writing in my gratitude journal. And thankfully when my head finally hit the pillow, I realized I hadn’t had hardly any of that “stinking thinking” throughout my day.

The fact is, anytime that “stinking thinking” has ever arisen, it’s never been pleasant. Usually it tries to tell me how much my life sucks, how things are never going to get any better, and how I should just give up, relapse, or end life permanently. This is why I continue to keep myself as busy as I do, because I know it really helps to keep that “stinking thinking” at bay and instead, makes me feel a lot more postiive about my life.

So while I don’t know why it’s so easy for a recovering alcoholic/addict to go to “stinking thinking”, I do know what I must continue to do to prevent it from surfacing with any type of regularity. Keeping myself occupied in my 12 Step work, seeking God and finding ways to be creative are just some of them. I’m sure there are many more ways as well, but at least I’ve found a few of my own that have truly helped…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I heard a word in an AA meeting I attended recently that I can honestly say I’ve never heard before. The word was “soberish” and the person who spoke it said he had been that way for the past few months having had several periods of sobriety here and there. For the majority of the meeting after he shared, everyone who raised their hand to also share spoke of their own journey to sobriety and the “soberish” life they might have had getting there. I wasn’t one of them though, as I never had any real moments of sobriety in the last year of my drinking and drugging days. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t lived a “soberish” life before because I have, except mine was during my first sixteen years of sobriety.

If I was to define what I think being “soberish” means, I feel it could be simply put that one is not quite being fully sober in life. And that was absolutely true for me during those first sixteen years, but not because I ever picked up alcohol and drugs again. It was because I kept choosing other things in life for ease and comfort anytime difficult things came my way. This is how I became addicted to sex and relationships, it’s how I became codependent, it’s how I fell into gambling problems, it’s how I began consuming far too much caffeine and sweets, and so on and so forth.

But ultimately, how one defines being sober is really going to be different for everybody. I used to think it meant just remaining free of alcohol and drugs. But I found myself living this “soberish” life as long as I kept that attitude. Most of my character defects and negative traits still stuck around because of it. And I couldn’t seem to ever escape falling into other addictions. It wasn’t until I began applying the 12 Steps to my entire life did any of this begin to change.

Today, I can safely say I’m not living that “soberish” life anymore, as I’m definitely not seeking any ease and comfort on a regular basis through some other unhealthy means. Instead, I’m walking through all of my challenges in life by seeking my Higher Power for the strength and guidance. It’s tough sometimes, because my ego often tries to convince me there’s no harm in going back to some of that “soberish” life. But for me there was harm in that and always will be because for all the moments I lived that way, I never found any long-lasting peace and serenity. This is why I’m extremely grateful I’m not living that way anymore. And thankfully, I know I’m doing my absolute best these days to trust in my Higher Power to get me through whatever may come my direction, instead of choosing some other “soberish” way…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson