Category: Recovery From Addictions

In the SAA and SLAA 12 Step programs, there’s a term that’s often used to describe when a person in recovery is doing behaviors that is teeter tottering on the edge of their old addiction. It’s called being on the “Slippery Slope”.

Truth be told, there can be a “slippery slope” for any person in recovery from any former addiction. In AA, it might come in the form of hanging out with individuals regularly at bars. In NA, it might come in the form of regularly spending time with old friends who might also be drug dealers. In OA, it might come in the form of frequently going to restaurants that have huge buffets. As for those in SAA or SLAA, when they might be on the “slippery slope”, it could come in many forms such as repeatedly perusing the internet for G-rated pictures, habitually driving down streets or going by places where hook-ups used to occur, watching movies often that have strong sexual content, or spending time with someone on a consistent basis who is presently engaging in promiscuous behavior.

In my case, I’ve actually had a few of these “slippery slope” incidents as of late myself. One was with someone I had lunch with not too long ago whom I find very triggering and alluring only because of his present promiscuity. Another was a random sexual innuendo I made to a friend I’ve always found attractive. A third came in the form of watching a movie or two on Netflix that tempted me with a few semi-strong sexual scenes. And lastly, one that happened just the other day was when I stayed behind after an SAA meeting ended solely to talk with someone who reminds me quite vividly of previous acting out partners. And while our conversation did remain healthy, even having an extended talk with this person was like putting an opened bottle of the best beer into a recovering alcoholic’s hand for a good while.

Most often why a person who’s recovering from an addiction such as myself lands in this “slippery slope” territory and starts doing some of those behaviors is usually to tempt and test themselves. Most “slippery slope” behaviors are really just like getting a mini taste of our old addiction. In other words, we get a slight high off of doing them.

While being in the “slippery slope” area may not be an actual relapse, it is a totally dangerous place to be in. Many who allow themselves to stay in this area for too long of a time eventually land in a full-blown relapse. Thankfully that hasn’t happened to me with the few times I’ve found myself in this unhealthy arena. And truthfully, the main reason why I’m writing this for the rest of the world to read is to keep myself accountable and not let my ego kid me about any of my former addictions.

I’m still a recovering addict from a number of things and always will be. I know the “slippery slope” is not a healthy place to ever be in with any of my 12 Step programs. I’m just glad that I recognize it pretty quickly nowadays whenever I find myself getting in that risky place and immediately do the healthiest thing I can do. What is it? I simply draw much closer to my Higher Power through prayer, as that always gets me back on the right path and fast…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

 

 

I walked into my AA home group a week ago on Monday morning and did what everyone else usually does when they arrive, I began to greet everyone with a handshake or a hug, depending on what each person was open to. Normally this action is a great way to feel connected to the bond that comes from being in recovery. But when I approached an individual I’ve known for over a year and went to give them my usual greeting with them, I was quite taken aback at what they said to me.

“You’re so negative lately! You haven’t been the same as you were a year ago!” 

I was shocked to hear these words, especially given how I rarely express any negativity during AA meetings and only once have I done anything social with this person outside of the meetings. And while I may have been a little down about my health on the day I was social with them, the word “negative” doesn’t really describe how I acted there either, as that’s something I’ve worked truly hard to remove from my everyday being. This is why I decided to inquire why they would say such a thing. I honestly wished I hadn’t though, because what came out of their mouth was only another verbal dagger.

“I just don’t feel very good energy coming from you when I’m around you…”

Unfortunately, I truly took this to heart given how hard I’ve been working on myself. On some level, it really caused me to second guess everything I’ve been doing to have a healthier recovery and a healthier spiritual life in general. But thankfully, my AA sponsor was present at the meeting that day and was open to taking a few minutes to talk with me before the meeting actually began.

He immediately reminded me of something during our brief conversation that I continue to battle with these days and that’s to realize when people say not so nice things to others such as what was said to me, that it’s really not about the people they are saying it to, it’s about themselves. Even so, I proceeded to ask him if he felt I’d been negative more than not over the past year because I’m constantly looking to improve myself and spiritually grow in life. I was grateful to hear that he didn’t feel that way and would tell me if he ever did.

Taking a hard look at myself since then, the only truth I could come up with in regards to this individual is that I have felt down and blue within more than not for close to a year now. All of that is directly related to my health issues and nothing more, but regardless I have done my absolute best to contain it and speak of nothing but experience, strength, and hope when I share at any meeting including my home group.

Thus I came to the very same conclusion that my sponsor reminded me of after all this introspection and that’s that sometimes people say the harshest of things, never realizing it’s not about the person they’re saying the words to, it’s about themselves. But even more important, I think the darkness in this world was trying to strike me down even more that day, because I was already feeling quite low to start with by the time I arrived at my meeting. Regardless, I blessed this person with love, forgiveness, and peace a number of times since then and feel a lot better now because of it.

Overall I ultimately believe it’s situations like this that continue to give me clear reminders why it’s so important to have a good sponsor in any addiction recovery program. We all get in our heads plenty of times and often end up taking things far too personal. But it’s our sponsors that are there to help unravel that mess if that should happen and thankfully my sponsor did just that by tapping into the unconditional love of my Higher Power to help me fight the darkness that came my way that day…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I often find myself trying to push, or rather control, individuals who are working the 12 Steps, especially those close to me. But I’m beginning to realize more and more everyday as I grow deeper into my own recovery program that everyone works at their own pace.

Truthfully, I shouldn’t be pushing or controlling anyone into doing their step work any faster than they are because it took me an entire twelve years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs to actually begin working on my own. So doing any of that behavior with others really only makes me a hypocrite.

The fact is that while the 12 Steps are easy to understand, they are generally quite hard to implement. Most of us who have gone through the entire 12 Step process at least once faced many hurdles along the way. Admitting our powerlessness to our addiction might have seemed the easiest thing to undertake in Step 1 because we normally wouldn’t have come to a recovery meeting if we hadn’t. But coming to believe in a Higher Power and turning one’s will over to that Higher Power, and then surgically dissecting ourselves through every single one of our character defects caused each of us to face a number of fears, some that were very deeply imbedded. Then came the admittance of all these defects to our sponsor or another individual, followed by a willingness to give them all up to our Higher Power. This frequently proved to be very formidable for many of us as well. And then came the even greater obstacle of making amends to all those we had harmed, which was the thing that often drew the most fear out of us. By the time we all reached Step 10 though, most of us were finally breathing our first sigh of relief as we began to practice everything we had learned thus far. Through self-reflection, prayer, and meditation, we started practicing this in every aspect of our lives. All in all, most of us have felt by the end of this entire 12 Step process that it wasn’t an easy one to undertake. In all honesty, it took most of us incredible time and effort to complete.

This is precisely why I’ve been backing off somewhat from trying to push or control my partner or my sponsees into doing their step work any faster, even though my ego has continuously tried to tell me they should be much further along than they are. The reality is they’re going to complete them in the time they’re meant to, as well as the time they feel comfortable doing, and not in Andrew’s time. But even more importantly is the fact that their Higher Power is the one who’s running the show, not Andrew. So thank you God for continuing to remind me how long it actually took me to complete my own step work the first time I ever undertook it. Rome was definitely not built in a day that’s for sure, especially when it comes to someone who’s working the 12 Steps.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson