Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene, what happened?” “Well, it’s like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.” “He was smoking in the mixing room?” the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long has he been with the company?” “About 20 years, sir” “20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done.” “Sadly, it was, sir.”

Silly Joke #2

Patient 1: ‘Why did you run away from the operation table?’
Patient 2: ‘The nurse was repeatedly saying ‘don’t get nervous’, ‘don’t be afraid’, ‘be strong’, ‘this is a small operation only’, things like that.’
Patient 1: ‘So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?’
Patient 2: ‘Because she was talking to the surgeon!’

Silly Joke #3

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at dear?”
“A spider,” he replies.
“I don’t see anything,” she says.
“Well, it must have fallen on your head then,” he said calmly.
The wife jumps up screaming and frantically swishing her hands through her hair.
The man says, “Hey hon, while you’re up, can you get me another beer?”

Bonus Silly Joke (2 for good measure!)

A literature teacher is explaining the power of poems and stories. “Have you ever read something that made you cry?” She said to her students. One of her students suddenly blurted out, “Yeah, when I saw the grade you gave me on my last paper!!!”

One day, Mom was cleaning junior’s room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, ” Well what should we do about this?” Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny watched his mom rock her new baby son Joey in her arms for hours while Joey continued to scream on and off.
“Mommy, where did Joey come from?”
“Why, he came from heaven dear!” she responded lovingly.
“Well, I can see now why they threw him out!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Melanie, a 35-year old blond was asked by her young daughter to help her write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy. “Isn’t there a movie about that Mom that could help me write my report?” her daughter asked. Melanie knew there was, having seen it long ago, but couldn’t think of the name offhand.
Then suddenly after a long moment of silence she suddenly blurted out, “Oh, I remember now dear! It’s Finding Private Nemo!’”

Silly Joke #3

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…” “I know, I know.” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it at all.” Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

Bonus Silly Joke (Two bonuses today because I couldn’t decide!!!)

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
“Trilingual”
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
“Bilingual”
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
“American”

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. “I’ve had a pretty good life,” the twenty proclaimed. “Why I’ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.””Wow!” said the one dollar bill. “You’ve really had an exciting life!” “So tell me,” says the twenty, “where have you been throughout your lifetime?” The one dollar bill replies, “Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church …”  The twenty dollar bill interrupts, “What’s a church?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Patient: Doctor, I have a tendency to gain weight in certain places. What do you recommend?
Doctor: Well, I think you should stay out of those places!

Silly Joke #2

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”
“No, honey, it’s because you’re 25.”

Silly Joke #3

Worried that they hadn’t heard anything for days from the widow in the apartment next door, the mother said to her son, “Tony, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Pierpoint is?” A few minutes later, Tony returned. “Well, is she all right?” asked the mother. “The good news is that she’s totally fine.” “What’s the bad news?” asked Tony’s mother. “Well, she’s rather annoyed with you,” remarked Tony. “At me?” the mother exclaimed. “Whatever for?” Tony replied, “She told me to tell you it’s none of your business how old she is!”

Bonus Silly Joke

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, “What’s this?” “A horsy,” one child answers. “And this?” the teacher asks. “A piggy,” replies another youngster.” And now this one?” asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence. “Come now, children,” she coaxes, “I’ll give you a little hint”. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot? “I know! I know!!” says Little Johnny. “It’s a horny bastard!” 

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson