Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these strange cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Debbie a very quick examination, then turns to the mother and says, “C’mon Mrs. Jones, it’s obvious that Debbie is pregnant–about four months would be my guess!” The mother says angrily, “Pregnant?! There’s no way, my sweet innocent little girl, she has never been left alone with a man! Isn’t that right Debbie, tell him!” Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!” The doctor suddenly walked over to the window and stared outside. About five minutes passed before the mother sounding very irritated said, “Well, are you just going to stand there and stare out the window in silence?!” The doctor said with a slight grin, “Well you seem Mrs. Jones, the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. So, I figured I wouldn’t want to miss such a thing right?!”

Silly Joke #2

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away. “Logan, wait until we say our prayer,” his mother reminded him. “I don’t have to,” the little boy replied. “Of course you do Logan,” his mother insisted, “you know we always say a prayer before eating at our house to bless the food.” “That’s at our house Mom,” Logan explained, “but this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook, so I assumed we didn’t need to bless it.”

Silly Joke #3

A husband and wife are watching “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,” and the husband winks and says, “Honey, let’s go upstairs…” The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no. So the husband says, “Is that your final answer?” The wife says yes. The husband says, “Well, can I phone a friend?”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult humor)

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and waits to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes for him as well. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was very impressed with that. So, he thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and the answer seemed overly clear to him now which one he should marry, so he chose the one with the largest breasts.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Bill: Say, where’d ya get that nice gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race!
Bill: Oh yeah? How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!

Silly Joke #2

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: ‘Rest in Peace.’ The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied: ‘Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this – somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: ‘Congratulations on your new location!”

Silly Joke #3

At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. “I’m a millionaire,” he said, “and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God’s work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today.” When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, “I dare you to do it again.”

Bonus Silly Joke

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply “It could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom?” “He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!” “That’s awful,” said Frank, “but it could have been worse.” “How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “could it have been worse?” “Well,” replied Frank, “if it happened the night before, I’d be dead now!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete’s abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, “Oops, gotta run!”

Silly Joke #2

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, “Think I’m gonna divorce the wife… she ain’t spoke to me in over 2 months.” Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, “Better think it over… women like that are hard to find.”

Silly Joke #3

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?” He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own … so does she.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?” “What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?” “Well no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that. But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson