Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A driver tucked a note under the windshield wiper of his automobile saying, “I’ve circled this block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park in this no-parking zone I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he came back, he found a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled this block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

Silly Joke #2

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. “I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “But I think it may be related to drinking.” “Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”

Silly Joke #3

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. An officer there pointed to the 10 MOST WANTED list and told them all that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Johnnie said ” He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!” The officer responded, ”Yep!”. Little Johnnie then asked, “Why didn’t you just keep him when you took his picture?!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds. “Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.” “How can you tell?” asked the American. “I can feel the cold air.” he replied. A few days later the African man put his hand through the clouds. “Aah we’re right over my homeland.” he said. “How do you know that?” asked the Russian. “I can feel the heat of the desert.” Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds. “Aaah! We’re right over New York.” The Russian and the African were amazed. “How do you know all of that?!” they exclaimed. The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. “My watch is missing.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Question: You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a ‘drop off’, (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer:  Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.

Silly Joke #2

My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. “Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.”

Silly Joke #3

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, “Little Johnny, can you spell ‘before’?” Little Johnny stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-R-E.” “Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?” Little Johnny says, “That’s easy. Two plus two be fore.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

P.S. – HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

Silly Joke #1

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were traveling. The boy rode the donkey while the man walked. In the first town they went to, the people all said; “How hard for that old man who has to walk!” The two travelers heard this and decided that the boy should walk and the old man should ride. In the next town, people whispered, “What a shame, he makes the little boy walk!” So the pair decided that they should both ride. In the third town, people all muttered about how cruel it was to make the donkey work so hard. So the boy and the old man decided to carry the donkey. On the way to the next town, they had to go across a bridge. As they walked across it, they slipped and the donkey fell in to the river and drowned. So, the moral of the story is…if you try to please everyone, you will eventually end up losing your ass.

Silly Joke #2

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they were going to meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, “Son, do you have a last request?” To which the man replied, “Yes sir, I do. There is a song I would love for you to play. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?” “Certainly,” replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, “Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?” “Please,” begged the condemned man, “for the love of God, kill me first!”

Silly Joke #3

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.” “But I always get it here,” says the blonde. “Do you have the container it comes in?” “Yes!” said the blonde, “I’ll go home and get it.” She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.” The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”

Bonus Silly Joke (Warning: For Adults Only)

A young paratrooper went for his first jump from an airplane. Afterwards, he called his father to tell him the news. “We got in the plane, and the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane.” “Is that when you jumped?” asked the father. “Not yet. The sergeant started to grab the other men, one at a time, and throw them out the door. I was the last man left.” “Did you jump then?” asked the father. “No, I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. He said, “Boy, either you jump out that door, or I’m sticking this up your butt.'” “So, did you jump?” asked the father. “Well, a little, at first, but then I got used to it.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson