Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A young lad’s father picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. The boy enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.””That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part…”, his father responded despondently.

Silly Joke #2

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute!”

Silly Joke #3

A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved. The boys’ mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately. So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?” The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response. So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God!!?” Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer. The elder raised his voice and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD!?” The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, “What happened?”The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!”

Bonus Silly Joke

“That’s a really great place to work!!!” shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day of his first job. “I get two weeks paid vacation!!!” “I’m so glad,” said my mother. “Yeah,” added John. “And I can’t wait to find out where they send me!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars!”

Silly Joke #2

Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box.”It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.” Doug said. “Last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday.””And???” Bill asked.”Well, she said ‘Oh, I don’t know just give me something with diamonds in it’.””So what did you get her?” asked Bill. “I bought her a deck of cards!!”

Silly Joke #3

The husband says to his wife, “You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”  She says, “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”He smirks and replies, “You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
She calmly replies, “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?'”

Bonus Silly Joke

Two men were talking. “So, how’s your sex life?”
“Oh, nothing special. I’m having Social Security sex.”
“Social Security sex?”
“Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the 32,000-milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?” The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend! Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because … her friend was, well … blond. She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo.” The contestant had to make a decision now and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand – the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. I need an answer,” said Regis. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, “C: The cuckoo.” “Is that your final answer?” asked Regis. “Yes, that is my final answer.” Two minutes later, Regis said, “That answer is … absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!” Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. “Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you! ,” said the contestant. “How did you happen to know the right answer?” “Oh, come on,” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”

Silly Joke #2

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?’ ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.’

Silly Joke #3

A guy is dating three women and can’t decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying? The one with the biggest boobs.

Bonus Silly Joke

A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor…..says. “Doc, I’m having problems hearing!”Doctor says “Lets check this out.” Looks into the man’s ear with his flash light and says, “There’s a foreign object in here.” Takes his tweezers and pulls it out…….Doc says to the old man, “It’s a suppository!!” The old man takes a look, asks the Doc, “Can I use your phone?? Need to tell the wife that I know where I put that hearing aid!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson