Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants! You might have gotten disability, too!’

Silly Joke #2

A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to “God”. A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: “Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would you please send us $500?” The postal employee was touched. He showed the letter to his fellow workers and all decided to kick in a few dollars each and send it to the family. They were able to raise $300. A couple of weeks later the same post office received a second letter addressed to God. The boy thanked God for the recent infusion of cash, but ended with this request: “Next time, would you please send the money directly to us? If you send it through the post office they deduct $200.”

Silly Joke #3

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he’s ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn’t sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk. “Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk.” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk.” The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.”In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self-deception.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is beyond that door.” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is apprehensive to no end. His life’s wish is just behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound… But, of course, I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.” The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish. A wish you think would honor and glorify me.” The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.” After a few minutes, God said, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

Silly Joke #2

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she’d been stood up. Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date. Wanting to shift the attention off the fact of how late he was, he suddenly gasped, “I’m two hours late, and you’re still not ready?”

Silly Joke #3

All of Broomtown was a buzz because boy-broom and girl-broom were going to get married. Everyone felt certain that the bride-broom and the groom-broom would make a lovely couple.The night before the wedding, however, bride-broom told groom-broom that she was going to have a little wisk-broom. “But, how can that be?” wailed groom-broom, “We haven’t even swept together yet!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asked her mother, “Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?” The mother replied, “Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work.” The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and said, “Ah, C’mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud… They’re friggin’ hookers!” A period of silence followed where the mother was obviously upset. The daughter eventually broke the silence and asked, “Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?” The mother replied, “Of course, dear. Where do you think cab drivers come from?”

Silly Joke #2

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital and she timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”The operator responded, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the patient’s name and room number?” The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.” The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.” After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, “Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday.” The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?” The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything.”

Silly Joke #3

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” She responds, “Well, let’s see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.” The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!” The nun says “OK, pull into the next alley.”He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a costume party.”

Bonus Joke

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” she asks.  “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson