Category: Words To Live By

I used to believe that losing a pet was no big deal. When friends or acquaintances would mourn one of their own passing away, I rarely had much sympathy at all and usually just told them to get over it. But as my heart has become more open to seeing the love and light from my Higher Power in everyone and everything, this has definitely improved and so has my level of compassion when it happens.

My shift in empathy for when any pet leaves this world was clearly evident to me recently when my sister let me know her favorite cat was in the final stages of renal failure. A loyal, faithful, and unconditionally loving companion to my sister for around 17 years, Boo-Bear’s life was almost complete and I too was going to miss her. She was one of those cats who purred all the time and truly liked to cuddle up and have you constantly pet her. She gave light meows all the time as well that could soften your heart pretty quickly. But it wasn’t that long ago that I remember visiting my sister and pushing this cat away because I found it very annoying. I now know why that was. The simple answer is that I didn’t know how to receive any unconditional love from anyone or anything, including from a cat named Boo-Bear.

Growing up in a family where love was more conditional-based, I spent many years only being comfortable receiving that type of love from everything around me. My heart was truly jaded to feeling unconditional love because of how my parents were towards me. Love normally came with a price back then and for the few times it didn’t, it felt foreign and uncomfortable, so I usually ran from it. That pattern became routine for me for several decades until I drew closer to my Higher Power. Through a lot of hard work, my Higher Power has helped me to drop a ton of the walls around my heart that have always prevented me from enjoying any absolute love that comes my way.

I’m a firm believer that most cats and dogs are God’s instruments for showing us what absolute love looks like and Boo-Bear was a perfect example of that, especially to my sister. Many of us can easily forget what unconditional love looks like in a world that is filled with so much selfishness these days. Thankfully, there are wonderful pets like Boo-Bear who are sent her to be great reminders of a quality that is already innate within each and every one of our souls.

My partner’s cat Driggs is another example of a pet I believe has been a great reminder from my Higher Power to help me be more loving. I’ve grown to love and feel quite close to her over time. While initially I kept my walls up and didn’t like her at all, she’s become a staple in my life, as well as in my heart. The idea of her passing away one day is a thought I don’t like to think about because she in her own unique way has taught me a thing or two about what unconditional love should look like. My friend Mat would probably agree about this type of unrequited love that pets bring, as he too experienced it from his dog Jake who sadly, just recently passed away after many devoted years.

I’m just grateful that my heart is a lot more open today to grieving alongside people like my sister and Mat, as each lament the loss of something that gave them such beautiful unconditional love for so long. So I send my own love and compassion out to the both of you, as I know Boo-Bear and Jake were members of your family and will always remain a part of your hearts and souls. May they each be with you now God, eternally watching over Laura and Mat, just as they always did when they were here…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“… If They Return, It’s Meant To Be.” This age-old adage is one I’ve been applying lately to the longest running and closest friendship I’ve had in this life. Two days ago I posted a prayer on reconciliation that dealt specifically with this friend. Ironically, the day after posting it, I thought my prayer was answered when I got a phone call from him after almost two full months with no contact. Unfortunately by the time that call ended, it felt as if our friendship might actually be headed in the exact opposite direction of what I have been praying for.

My words seem to be failing me as I try to write this solely because the idea of losing a 17-year friendship is something I cannot take lightly. While the outcome of it is not officially determined yet, my friend made a decision during his period of silence with me that impacted me so greatly, it’s caused me to re-evaluate where he stands in my life.

His decision deals with something I’ve been looking forward to doing with him for quite some time and that’s to attend the upcoming 2015 AA World Convention in Atlanta, GA. It only happens once every five years with the last one being in San Antonio, TX in 2010. While we had plenty of good moments with each other back then, I was still living with an active sex and love addiction that I know put a damper between us at various times. Thankfully, I became clean and sober from that addiction not too long after that convention, which brought renewed vigor to our friendship. Because of that we decided to room together again at the next one spending a full week doing both the convention and some sightseeing. We continued to talk about these plans with a lot of excitement right up until he suddenly asked for space to work through a few things from a few of our past struggles. While I thought we had already worked through all of them, I accepted his request and waited as patiently as I could, which included me writing and saying that prayer for reconciliation.

When I saw that phone call coming in from this friend the day after posting that prayer, I was overjoyed and it didn’t take long for the two of us to be laughing with each other hysterically like always. Forty minutes later we were about to say goodbye until our next conversation, when I asked him if he got my email confirming the room reservation for the upcoming convention. That’s when he told me he had changed plans and was rooming with a few other friends instead. To some this may not seem like a big deal, but it actually says a lot about where I stand in his life at the present time. Sadly, that’s because his decision reminds me of a behavior I once did regularly to others.

I used to make plans with a lot of people who really cared about me and who looked forward to the things we would schedule together. But when another option would arrive that seemed to fit my ego better, I’d pull the carpet out from underneath these friends by canceling and making plans with someone else instead. Even worse, I always expected them to just shrug it off. When I became on the receiving end of this behavior again and again from various people I thought were friends, I learned two lessons. One, I wasn’t as important to those people as I thought I was. And two, even more importantly, I fully saw how much it hurt to be on the receiving end of it myself. There’s a great saying in the Bible that says to “Do unto others as you would do unto you”. In this case, I don’t want to do this behavior anymore to anyone because I know how it feels nowadays. Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier though when seeing it still being done to me, especially by someone I feel is my closest friend.

All I can really say is that my heart and soul are hurting right now and I’m unwilling to continue putting them in jeopardy if its only going to result in me getting hurt time and time again. I said this recently in another posting and I’ll say it again. I can’t and won’t wait around for someone to treat me with the love and respect I deserve in life. While my friend’s decision may not seem like that big of a deal to him, it is to me and is just one of many other things he’s done that have been slowly making me question where I actually stand in his life. I sincerely don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that God does. So the only thing I really can do is to turn it over to God and to practice acceptance on whatever ends up happening.

I honestly pray that this 17-year friendship isn’t over, but I do whole-heartedly believe in that age-old adage that says “If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free. If They Return, It’s Meant To Be.” Whatever the outcome of that action ends up being with this friend, I’m just grateful for the God of my understanding. That’s only because I know that even if my prayer for reconciliation isn’t answered in the way I want, that God will sustain and lead me to serenity through it all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Recently I wrote an entry about the signs to look for within oneself when in the midst of a spiritual awakening. Unfortunately, I forgot to mention something in it that’s equally as important and that’s the signs to look for when one is moving in the exact opposite direction of having one of those spiritual awakenings.

While I may be currently undergoing one of the longest spiritual awakenings in my life so far, it wasn’t that long ago when I was doing a total reversal of that. Rather than go into any great detail about that slippery slope I used to be on, I felt it would be better to do something else instead. So I decided to make the following list of just some of the many examples of when I once was heading more on a path of unspirituality than of actually experiencing a spiritual awakening.

1. Demonstrating aggression and road rage such as cutting a car off, yelling obscenities at a driver, or trying to show someone how bad I think their driving skills are.
2. Trash talking and/or gossiping about anyone, anywhere, and at any time.
3. Trying to control everyone and everything around me such as changing the temperature in a meeting room just to suit my own comfort level.
4. Giving guilt trips and manipulating my closest friends into doing what I want.
5. Doing good-natured actions for someone but with a hidden agenda.
6. Looking at any type of pornographic material on a regular basis.
7. Having one-night stands or “friends with benefits”.
8. Overindulging in various foods to the point of feeling uncomfortably stuffed.
9. Consuming daily large quantities of caffeinated beverages.
10. Spending more and more money on things I don’t really need.
11. Swearing and being more negative than not when I talk.
12. Making judgments of people for their actions more than not.
13. Steering most of the conversations I have with anyone towards the sexual realm.
14. Feeling regularly shameful or dirty inside about the way I’m living.
15. Becoming overly dependent (or codependent) on a friend.
16. Skipping regular bathing habits and/or routine household chores.
17. Avoiding being financially responsible with monthly bills.

I know I could on and on with many more examples of whenever I’ve headed into one of these spiritual lulls in life, but I think these are unquestionably the ones I’ve done the most of when that’s happened. I’m sure each of you could probably list your own instances though of when this has happened to you, and hopefully this article may lead you to write some of them down. Having my own list here in front of me has definitely been a great reminder and a good gauge to show me that I’m still on the path of having a spiritual awakening. I’m so grateful I’m no longer going in the exact opposite direction of having one of those and it’s my hope that all of you may create your own list that will say the same for you too…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson