Category: Words To Live By

I spent years believing my bouts of depression were solely due to an incurable chemical imbalance within me that required an anti-depressant to manage them for the rest of my life. Thankfully, that’s no longer the case as I have found that much of the reason I had that was largely being caused by the way I was choosing to live my life.

It’s unfortunate, but one of the first things that most doctors, especially psychiatrists, do these days when a person walks into their office and says they are feeling down is prescribe them a pill, which usually ends up being an anti-depressant. While there are those who absolutely may need one of these due to how unstable they’ve become, there are plenty of others who just don’t want to deal with what’s going on within themselves or in their lives so they take a pill instead to cover it up. According to some recent statistics I found, more than ten percent of American citizens claim they have a chemical imbalance that requires them to be on a mood stabilizing drug. Sadly, those statistics also say that this percentage is rapidly increasing each year. What’s ironic is that just over a few decades ago, none of these anti-depressants existed, suicide rates were much lower, and people weren’t regularly saying they had chemical imbalances. So what’s changed?

The simple fact is that more and more people are looking for a pill these days to take away all those moments where they are feeling down. What most don’t realize is that while their depressed mood is probably resulting from a chemical balance, the depression their experiencing because of it is just their body’s way of forcing them to deal with the issues they’ve been avoiding. It took a lot of therapy and spiritual work on myself to figure this out.

When I became sober after years of being actively addicted to alcohol and drugs, I also began facing the fact that I was a homosexual. While I initially tried to face all those issues, it became too overwhelming so I slid into other addictions to suppress all of it. Within a short period of time, my body responded with its first bout of debilitating depression that forced me to face those issues I was trying to avoid. It also required me to be put on an antidepressant for awhile because I had grown to unstable from those addictions. Through therapy and time, I began to feel much better so I took myself off of the antidepressant. I also stopped the therapy and working on myself as well once life felt like it was returning back to normal. For awhile my life seemed pretty good, but then the day came when my father committed suicide.

When that happened I chose to bottle up his death, tuck it away, and instead went back to other addictions, as that seemed the easiest way to distract myself from dealing with it. But once again, my body responded to that action after a period of time by delivering me another debilitating bout of depression. This forced me once again to face the issue I was avoiding, which was my father’s untimely death. I also had to go back on an anti-depressant because I had grown too unstable once more from my addictive behaviors. Like before, I worked through the issue in therapy until eventually I started feeling better where I then came off of the antidepressant. More than nine years would pass before another serious bout of depression would return and looking back I can see now why that was.

During all those years I never completely stopped working on myself. Instead of going into a full blown addictive mode which always preceded my bouts of serious depression, I stayed with therapy and delved into some issues I knew I needed to work through. But as the years went on, more issues happened in my life including my mother’s tragic death, the end of a seven year relationship, the loss of a business, and a move to a new area. I started avoiding dealing with bits and pieces of those things and began to slowly pull away from some of the work I was doing on myself. Eventually, I stopped all of that work and that addictive side took completely over. And sure enough, that led to another debilitating bout of depression where I was placed back on an antidepressant. Since then I have gone back to working on all those issues I had avoided during that nine year period and then some.

I see things a lot more clearly now and I understand why I’ve had those bouts of serious depression in my life. Consistently whenever bad things happened to me, I covered them up with addictions or other avoidances, and grew apart from any spiritual connection to my Higher Power. The more I stayed in those addictions and the more I avoided dealing with those issues, the more I created a chemical imbalance. And the more I created a chemical imbalance, the more I dealt with depression. But every time I faced my issues and worked through them, and every time I drew closer to my Higher Power, I didn’t have any of those bouts of serious depression. Until I realized all of this, I stayed in this vicious cycle and it looked simply like this:

1. I felt good.

2. Something bad happened.

3. I avoided dealing with it through addictions or other distractions.

4. I grew farther apart from my Higher Power.

5. My depression and anxiety rose until it took over my life.

6. That made me not want to do the addictions or distractions.

7. My mood then became so unstable I had to be put on antidepressants.

8. I started working on dealing with the bad thing that had happened.

9. I grew closer to my Higher Power through that work.

10. I began to feel better.

11. I took myself off of the antidepressants.

Thankfully, I’m not in this cycle anymore as I am dealing with all the bad things as they happen now. I’m not avoiding any of my issues, I’m doing everything I can to have a close relationship to my Higher Power now, and I’m working constantly on myself. I’m also grateful to say I haven’t been on any medications nor have I dealt with any bouts of serious depression for almost two years. But I know all of this is contingent upon me continuing that work both on myself and with my relationship to my Higher Power.

While doctors will probably continue believing that everyone has these bouts of serious depression solely due to chemical imbalances, I am able to see today how my own actions directly led me to having the both of them.

If you are wondering why you get depressed, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and start thinking about those issues in your life that you may be avoiding dealing with instead of just saying you have a chemical imbalance. Some, if not all of your depression, may indeed be due to your own actions and avoidances of issues. Once you start working through them and getting closer to a Higher Power, you will probably find your depression lessening. Keep this up for good, and you may just find that your depression will leave you once and for all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever been in some type of a relationship where you feel like you’re the one doing all the work? It’s not a good feeling is it? Normally when this happens, doesn’t it feel a lot like you are being taken advantage of by the other person? That’s not a good feeling at all is it? Or have you have been the one in some type of a relationship to sit back and criticize the other person for how bad you feel things have gotten in the connection where you tell them what they need to work on constantly? Doing this doesn’t leave a good feeling inside either as it often leaves a negative taste in one’s soul. It took me a long while to figure out that no matter what type of relationship I’m ever in, it will involve a lot of work if I want to see it grow.

While I did spent a long time expecting those I was in relationship with to change with me hardly changing at all, lately its seems as if I’ve been on the other side of the coin receiving those very same behaviors from someone else. The most recent example was just last week when my partner’s brother’s wife was expressing some of her disapproval of me. When I mentioned to her that I was wiling to do whatever work was necessary to improve her’s and my connection, but that it would take some work on her part as well, her response to me was quite blunt. She said she was sorry if it hurt my feelings by saying that she didn’t feel the need to do any work right now in her life with anything because she was quite happy with how things were. What she didn’t realize in that moment was that she put a dagger in the potential for any positive growth to ever occur between us. Thus, no matter how much work I put into that connection with her, it wouldn’t meet her approval because she has already accepted within herself that I’m the one that needs to change and not her. And sadly, this is how many relationships go.

I once was very guilty of being just like my partner’s brothers wife. Many years ago, I can remember yelling at my ex-partner that he needed to see a therapist and do a lot more work to make our relationship better. Ironically, at the same time, I was refusing to look in the mirror and see how many character defects were still active within me and attacking him daily. Thus, I was just as much at fault over the deterioration of that relationship.

When one person in a relationship is doing all the work to grow and the other is doing very little or none at all, it’s when things begin to fall apart. It’s when the distance starts growing between two people until they are doing nothing more than fighting and complaining with each other. When enough of that happens, that’s when friendships end, partnerships dissolve, people that are dating break up, or married couples go to divorce. The bottom line is that when two people are in any type of relationship, it’s a team effort. There is an equal amount of give and take. Unfortunately, what often happens is one person starts doing all the giving and one person starts doing all the taking where that does nothing more than create a lot of resentments for one or both of the parties involved in the connection. I have watched so many friendships and intimate relationships in my life fail for these reasons.

Today, I am doing everything I can to spiritually grow in my life closer to God and the Light. In doing so, I am continuously seeing areas in my relationships where I can positively grow there too. I’ve realized that I can’t do the other people’s work that I’m in relationships with and I have to leave that up to them. With my partner’s brother’s wife, she’s already made her decision and I know that any possibility at the present time of a better connection with her is dead. With my partner himself, he sees how important it is to work on himself because the more I grow and the less he does, the more apart we’ll become.

So if you want to have your friendships, partnerships, marriages, or whatever your type of relationships you’re in continue to grow and endure over time, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and realize it involves work on both parts to make this happen. By sitting back and thinking the other person in your connection has all the issues and that you are completely void of them, think again. There’s always work you can do to help it grow. But if you are the one who is putting forth a majority of the effort to grow your connection, and the other person is doing very little or none at all, maybe it’s time to start accepting that relationship’s demise. Either way, I hope you can clearly see now how it takes two to tango to make any type of relationship grow…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s relatively easy to tell a lie, especially when we think we’ll get away with it. There’s also those situations where we think it’s better to tell a lie, then to tell the truth, because of the pain it might cause someone else. But as they say in courtrooms all across America each and every day, I believe it’s always important to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

The sole reason why a person ever tells any kind of lie is because of some type of fear they have inside. Most of the time, telling lies is a pattern that begins back in childhood. When I was a kid, there were countless examples of me breaking something valuable, skipping some type of chore, or getting in trouble at school and lying about each of them. The only reason why I lied about them was due to the fear I had inside about what would happen if I told the truth. But the funny thing about those lies though was that the truth behind them usually seemed to surface at some later point. And whenever that happened, the damage created by my lies were so much worse then what it would have been if I had just told the truth from the onset.

Not all of our childhood lies are discovered though as some are definitely gotten away with. I believe that this is why so many people in this world fail to tell the truth on a consistent basis. Because we got away with some of our lies as a child, our egos start convincing us there was an advantage to telling lies versus the truth. As I grew into my addiction based life, my lies became worse and more numerous. Eventually, I began to believe my own lies and most of my life turned totally dishonest. Unfortunately, when one gets to this point of telling that many lies throughout their life, they can’t keep them all straight and people start to see just how much of a liar they really are. Sadly, this is where my life took me and I became a person that no one could trust.

I allowed my ego to constantly convince me that many of the lies I was telling were for the better because of the pain they might either cause me or someone else if I told the truth. A good case in point was with one person I really struggled being around for several years. I remained their friend only because of the things they were offering me in that friendship but not because I really liked them. When that person confronted me time and time again and asked if I truly loved them and considered them a close friend, I’d lie each time and say I did only because of the fear of becoming alone and losing those things they were providing me. Ironically, that truth was revealed by my behaviors after years went by and the pain I caused this person was much greater then it ever should have been if I had ended the friendship permanently years earlier. And also important to note is the fact that the pain I felt inside was just as unbearable over my lies to this person.

To put it simply…

People lie to others for the fear of losing someone.

People even lie to others for the fear of having someone.

People lie to others for the fear of not feeling important enough.

People even lie to others for the fear of feeling too important.

People lie to others for the fear of being punished.

People even lie to others for the fear of not being punished.

People lie to others for the fear of hurting themselves.

People even lie to others for the fear of hurting another.

People lie to others for the fear of not getting what they want.

People even lie to others for the fear of getting what they want.

Are you getting my point? People lie to others for an infinite number of reasons but it’s always based upon some type of fear they have inside. In the long run though, the best thing for them to do is tell the truth from the beginning. A lie is like poison that eats away at the soul. It drives us away from God, from love, and from the light. It brings darkness upon our hearts which only pushes us to tell even more lies. Eventually we become a complete liar and we can’t keep any of our lies straight. And that’s when the real truths start coming to the surface. Often, it’s too late at that point where the damage from our lies is too much to repair. So isn’t it better to tell the truth right from the start and not ever get to this point? I am not a liar anymore specifically for these reasons and I put the truth out there about myself for everyone to see all the time now. I will admit that sometimes telling the truth does hurt not only someone else, but also myself, but I find in doing so that the pain is much less up front then waiting and worrying for my lie to rear its ugly head later.

If you are someone who has the tendency to tell any type of lie here or there, then I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and realize you are telling one lie too much. You are not only hurting others with even your slightest of lies, you are also hurting yourself too and putting your health at risk. If you want to start being a person filled with a lot more love and light, then start by telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth and know in doing so that you’re making your life and this world a whole light brighter…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson