Category: Words To Live By

Do you ever feel the desire to permanently remove yourself from all social media, yet at the same time feel as if you can’t, because doing so might mean you’re going to miss out on something or be disconnecting too much from the world around you? This dilemma has become a regular thought for many now, me included, even just now as I sip my beverage in this Starbucks watching a young woman in front of me snap a quick picture of her Grande Pink Drink and post it all over her social media sites, most likely with the hope she’ll now receive a bunch of likes and recognition from it.

I’ve been guilty of this very same behavior. How many times have I posted some candid picture of myself somewhere or of some neat place I’ve just visited, solely in the hopes to gain my own set of likes and recognition. Could this be the primary motive deep down within most of us who regularly post things on social media? Do we do this just because we want to be seen, heard, or known a little more in life?

Here’s an interesting question to ponder for all those who regularly use social media. If no one EVER liked any of your postings and you never got any recognition from any of them ever again, would you continue to post anything or even use social media at all? Is it a safe assumption to say that many of you probably wouldn’t solely because social media has primarily become a tool to post pictures of ourselves, our meals, our drinks, our vacations, our gardens, our animals, and everything in between simply to makes us feel a little more important somehow in a world where it’s easy to feel so unimportant now. At the core then, has social media become more of a selfish tool than a selfless one, with most sharing things more for their own gain than for truly connecting with others?

What was first meant to be a way to connect individuals together who normally might not be able to, now feels more like it’s creating a disconnect between so many, with plenty of unhealthy emotions being cultivated in the process. It’s why I typically don’t spend time looking at anyone’s timelines on any social media anymore, because each time I do, it just seems to make me feel like I’m always missing out, which is better known these days as “FOMO” (The Fear Of Missing Out).

FOMO is described by mental health professionals as an emotional response to the belief that other people are living better, more satisfying lives or that important opportunities are being missed out on. And it has become widely observed that having this condition often leads to feelings of unease, dissatisfaction, depression, and stress.

I can attest to this, as within 15 minutes or less looking at other’s timelines, I begin to feel more down than up, more disconnected than connected, more left out than part of, all as I observe one person after another who seems to be more desirable than I ever will, or see all the places I’ll never be able to visit that others have, or witness all the parties I wasn’t invited to from people I knew, or visualize all the possessions individuals acquired that I’ll never be able to afford, or view all the talent someone has that I may never have, and so on. This is precisely why I find myself not wanting to be on social media anymore.

My original intention and only reason why I still remain on social media is not necessarily for cultivating connection with others, as I rarely feel that happening anymore. Rather, I remain on it solely to share this blog with others, not to get likes, but with the hopes it will help others with specific parts of their own spiritual journey. This I can say is truly more of a selfless action than a selfish one, something I can’t say is true each time I post pictures of myself or of my life. Honestly, I kind of liked life long before social media ever came around when sharing photos from hand-held albums within our homes was more about creating joy and connection with those we were doing it with, than about creating FOMO with countless individuals we’ll probably never meet or spend any time with.

While I really don’t know where this social media journey is heading for all of us in this world, if I were to guess, it’s a life where one will only feel like they matter when they have a ton of connection, likes, and presence in the digital realm. I honestly hope to never live life that way because ultimately, I believe I matter solely because I am a child of God with a loving soul who longs for heart-to-heart connections, something social media never seems to bring me, but something that I know plenty of my in-person interactions have, which is why I will probably always seek that over improving my social media presence, for however long I have left in this life…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Several people I know have lost their only remaining parent recently and currently are going through the grieving process of that. This type of grieving is most definitely different when both parents are now gone, as it often triggers deep feelings of abandonment and loneliness.

When I lost my mother, who was my only remaining parent at the time, while I was grateful that she was finally out of her pain and suffering from her chronic alcoholism and mental health issues, I was also detrimentally sad for no longer having a parent to connect with about anything in life. Even though both my parents had their faults and struggled with the sickness that came from their addiction and untreated mental health issues, they still loved me and did their best to show it. While that love may have been tainted at times due to the sickness they carried, I noticed I started to feel very alone in life once they were both gone. Although one could argue that I had felt that way for years by that point due to their sickness, there were still moments in the last few years of their lives that left a positive impact upon my heart, which is why I began to miss them both greatly when they were both gone.

The type of grieving that comes when both parents are now gone feels far different than when one parent remains alive that you may continue to connect with. When both parents have left this plane of existence, it triggers the little boy or little girl within us to long for the care of their mommy or daddy, especially when you are going through a lot of your own pain and suffering in life.

I’ve lost track of the number of days over the years, especially the past five, where my pain and suffering created a longing in me to hear my mother’s or father’s voice again. After my mother passed, I kept calling my home number that remained active for a period, just to hear her voice. The same was true with my father’s answering machine after he passed. Ironically, not too long ago, I actually dialed my old childhood home number just to see what would happen. It was a very rough day where I thought in some crazy science fiction movie type-of-way that one of my parents would have picked up and said, “Hi Andy”. Sadly, the only thing that happened was hearing the number was disconnected. Even so, I can still hear my parents saying “Hi Andy” and it brings a tear to my eye thinking about it, something that was exceptionally strong during the initial grieving process once they were both gone.

I will probably always miss my parents on some level and while the grieving of their losses definitely got easier over time after my mother’s passing and while the abandonment feeling eventually lessened as well, the loneliness remained. Loneliness that came from knowing there wasn’t a parent to go to anymore to hold me when I needed safety and reassurance that can only come from a parent. The love of a husband, a wife, a partner, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a best friend, or even the love from children if you have them, will never be able to replace the emptiness that comes when both parents are now gone. It just doesn’t compare to the protection parents often give their children.

This is why I miss you Mom and Dad as much as I do, even decades later beyond both of your passings. Even though I feel like you both could still be alive and well if you had just worked through your addiction and mental health issues, I continue to feel blessed for at least remembering the love you were able to offer me when you were alive, as it was plentiful at times, I see that now. The grieving I eventually came to experience in life after you were both gone was long and arduous, but what has remained behind beyond the emptiness of it, is a heart full of love for two parents who did their best to be there for me, when push came to shove…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

My two cats, Grace and Frankie, frequently demonstrate many of the very same behaviors that humans do when it comes to their interactions with each other. They are sisters having been with each other since birth, with my partner Chris and I being their second owners. Over the several years now they’ve been our pets, I certainly have come to witness quite a number of behaviors that remind me how pets are simply mirrors for us. It’s probably best to at least explain this by describing some of the personality traits of Grace and Frankie first.

Grace has to always be the center of attention. She never grows weary of being touched and will at times do her best to ensure you pay attention to her by inserting herself under your hand or using her paw to touch it, all to show she needs more love. And, she’ll whine loudly with one specific type of meow whenever she’s not getting it. She also becomes extremely jealous whenever her sister is being shown greater affection and has been known to get into a fight with Frankie over it. In addition, Grace likes to do certain things that only she can do but never done back to her. Take for example the action of grooming. She loves to groom her sister, even her sister’s butt of all things. I know, gross! But she will most certainly swipe at Frankie when Frankie tries to do the same with her. And when Grace wants you to know she’s not getting what she wants, she’ll disappear down the hall giving you the clear silent treatment. She most assuredly has positioned herself as an alpha cat here and comes across more than not as needy, selfish, and self-centered.

Frankie on other hand is the exact opposite. She likes to groom anyone and everyone, including our guests. She’ll do this on the couch behind you, licking the hair and scalp of whomever is there, including rubbing herself against your head, all to show her unconditional love for you. She’s also overly humble and will actually wait for her sister to get served food and treats first before she’ll even touch any of her own. Frankie does withdraw far more than Grace into secluded parts of our home and likes her solitude generally getting annoyed when Grace tries to disturb that. But rarely does Frankie ever stand up for herself during those times either. Instead, she just gives up, which sometimes even includes her favorite bed, perch, or sitting area, all to avoid having a confrontation with Grace.

What I find most interesting though about all this is how much Grace and Frankie are simply mirrors for me at times. I’ve been irritated with Grace for being so needy, yet how many times have I been needy, demanding attention in life? I’ve been irritated with Grace as well for all the rules she makes up and breaks whenever she feels like it, but how many times have I done the same, only keeping to the rules I make that benefit me? I’ve also been irritated many times with Frankie for not standing up for herself, where she gives up something precious to her like a favorite toy, yet how many times have I given up things that are precious to me for the happiness of another, while at my own expense? I’ve even been irritated with Frankie when she rarely puts herself first, but how many times have I done the same with my own health needs. The point is, I love the fact that I can see how my cats are simply mirrors for me, especially when I get frustrated at any of their behaviors, something I know now is just a projection of things from my own life.

So, maybe our pets are simply mirrors for us. And if that’s truly the case, the next time you find yourself getting angry or irritated at your pet for some behavior you don’t like, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and look for what that mirror could be, as you may just discover a piece about yourself that your pet is merely reflecting back onto you, all for you to see more clearly…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson