Category: Words To Live By

Have you ever had a friend who seems to make fun of you all the time or much of the time you spend together, regardless of whether it’s just you and them, or the both of you with others present? If so, have you ever confronted them and asked why they pick on you so much? If you have asked that very question, was their answer ever something along the lines of, “I only pick on you because I like you?”

Let me be very clear in saying this.

Being picked on, no matter what the reason, is nothing more than a form of bullying, especially when the person getting picked on isn’t laughing.

I can attest to a lifetime of being picked on that often felt like nothing more than just being bullied. People have told me time and time and time again they only pick on me because they like me and yet when they’re doing it, getting a good laugh off of my expense and I’m not laughing, why do they keep doing it?

Maybe it has to do with this quote I read the other day from a man named Benjamin Walker who once said, “I always felt that if someone picks on you it’s because they’re not happy doing what they’re doing…” and I tend to agree. It actually makes a tremendous amount of sense that the only reason why anyone picks on another is because they aren’t happy with some part of themselves and so they deflect from that and instead pick on another, tearing an individual down, rather than building them up, temporarily feeling better about themselves in the process. People like this also tend to deflect even further from looking at themselves and the parts they aren’t happy with when they’re answer to a friend asking them to stop picking on them is, “You need to develop a thicker skin…”

I don’t need friends who act like this. What I need are friends who lift me up, who point out my assets, rather than make fun of my flaws or imperfections. I once had a friend who used to constantly point out that I had a bald spot growing on the back on my head and would laugh incessantly each time they mentioned it to me. It was never funny to me and even when I told them to stop saying things like that, they kept doing it. Not once did I ever make fun of their biggest struggle though, which was their weight. Rather, I accepted that part of them unconditionally.

People who continue to make fun of some part of you that you might be struggling with, even when they see you aren’t laughing about it, are nothing more than an insecure bully who isn’t happy with some part of themselves, even if they say they are happy with every part of themselves. How can you tell? Because they typically can’t take getting picked on themselves and get angry about it when they do. A more important lesson here though that I’ve come to learn is that someone who truly loves and accepts themselves unconditionally usually does the same with others and doesn’t enjoy having fun at their expense. But if they don’t love and accept themselves unconditionally, they often will pick on or pick apart those closest to them and find enjoyment in having fun at their friend’s expense. While I do have a few close friends that can pick on me at times, as I can with them as well, it’s only because it’s with aspects of ourselves that we’ve come to love and accept unconditionally and even share in common. Generally, we both laugh about those things profusely, rather than only one laughing at the other’s expense.

I’m thankful for those friends, friends who know me well enough to know when it’s ok to pick on some part of me and when it’s not. But friends who say, “I only pick on you because I like you…” and respond with, “You need to develop a thicker skin…” when I ask them to stop, aren’t friends I need or want in life. They are nothing more to me than a bully picking on another they deem as weaker than them, all to deflect from actually looking at the parts of themselves they aren’t ready to face or see, parts they still struggle unconditionally loving and accepting, instead lashing out at another’s expense…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I find it ironic how much life sure has become a dichotomy. As a teenager and eventually a young adult, I never wanted to sleep long hours, was active in so many things I barely ever had any free time, enjoyed big group get-togethers, struggled to settle down with one person in a relationship for very long, had to always buy a ton of in-things, chased whatever would bring me large paychecks, and loved living in or around some large city that seemed to consistently support all of that. But now as a middle-aged man, none of that is true for me anymore.

As a middle-aged man, I like to sleep in late and like taking naps when I can. My activities are kept more limited, as my downtime has become more precious. I feel like a fish out of water at big group get-togethers and would rather hang out with one or two people at the most. I hardly buy any of those in-things anymore because I don’t feel I need them nor the stress they seem to create having them. Usually, I just let things age until they stop working. I’m finally having to face that with my iPhone 6s Plus that I purchased back in 2015. I also don’t desire to have a job anymore that pays me incredible sums of money and am more inclined to do work that just feels satisfying even if it pays me nothing like my current path with all the volunteer work I do. And where I once loved city and surrounding suburban dwelling, lately I long for the peace of rural living where I won’t have to see or hear neighbors within a few feet from my home.

With all these personality changes, I’ve been wondering lately if this huge contrast of who I once was from my younger years is just a factor of getting older. I’d argue it’s not necessarily that because I know many who are still living as much like their younger selves, except now having just more responsibilities in life. So if that’s not it, why have I become such a stark contrast from who I once was?

There is only one thing that’s different in my life today and in the past decade or so that wasn’t present in my old personality, and that was seeking a Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. Up until I was in my mid to late 30’s, the concept of God was just something that I sought when life got out of control. But as soon as I regained control, I didn’t ever seek God. Now, I seek God all the time because my 12 Step recovery showed me a healthier way of living by seeking something Greater than myself to guide my life. When I was guiding my life more than not, I sought a lot of things that I don’t believe were ever authentic to my heart and soul. They were only authentic to what my ego thought it needed for survival and happy living.

Nevertheless, the more I seek out God in my life these days, the more I find myself not relating much to a vast number of people on this planet where the focus seems to be greater with pleasing oneself than others. I truly believe human nature is inherently selfish and I was so incredibly selfish in life until I began seeking something Greater to guide my life. Now that I try to do that on a daily basis, something I give credit to my 12 Step recovery program, I feel what I seek in life is far different than what most others are seeking. I face a lot of adversity now more than ever because of it, especially whenever I do actions out of selflessness, much of which are often met with suspicion, judgments, and attacks upon my character.

I see my future evolving now into something so drastically different from what my youthful self once envisioned because of my relationship with a Higher Power. A future self that most likely will involve only a few spiritual friends and a hopefully a continued monogamous relationship, weekends spent more home than out, travel to places that are quieter rather than bustling with nightlife and activity, employment that isn’t about its pay and more about its fulfillment for God, and living in the country where I don’t find myself stressing out over neighbors living essentially on top of me.

Life sure has become a dichotomy from the person I once was…but I’m becoming ok with that. Because I’d rather have a life with a Higher Power at the helm, where life finally seems to be heading somewhere, as when I was at the helm, like always felt like it was going nowhere, except down…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The other day I was driving around locally, passing through a yellow light that was about to turn red. Just as I was almost through the intersection, it indeed turned the scarlet color, momentarily blocking the forward progress of some guy in a brand-new Jeep for a millisecond of time. He immediately flipped me off and loudly yelled out his window some very strong expletives at me, leaving me wondering are people losing their minds, as this seems to be becoming the norm these days.

People really seem to be flipping out so very quickly now, living on such short fuses. Why are people acting like this so much these days? There is a growing number of alarming examples of this, of verbal and physical violence over even the most minor of things now, things that once never created any sort of issue whatsoever and were easily diffused with an “I’m sorry” when they happened. Except that’s not happening anymore.

Take for example the movie I watched recently in a local theater where some guy was ready to go to blows with another guy simply over him asking the other to turn his phone off. Or a neighbor telling me about a person who followed them home one afternoon, all because some driver was mad at how slow they had been going in front of them, who wanted to make sure they knew how mad they were. Or what about that guy who shot a McDonald’s employee recently because their fries weren’t done right??? Seriously, what is wrong with this world presently?

What is causing this? Why does everyone seem like they are boiling kettles ready to burst at any given moment at someone else? Some say it’s due to our political climate that started a few terms ago. Others say it’s an energetic shift happening on this planet. There are those who say it’s what the pandemic caused. And some ultra-religious believe it’s the sign of end-times to come. What I believe is that this world is becoming more and more godless, choosing self over anyone else, paying more attention to one’s own needs, wants, and desires, more than anyone else’s, being more self-absorbed, then selfless in life. It’s easy to do so when fear consumes the mind and fear is what is racing around our planet now with all that has been going on.

There is only one reason why I don’t act this way with others. It’s because I believe there is something out there, up there, around us, and in us, or all of the above, which I choose to label as God, that I feel guides me to be a better person, one more selfless, than selfish. Yes, our world has changed dramatically in recent years with one terrible thing happening after another. But one thing hasn’t changed for me during all of it, and that’s my seeking a Higher Power to guide me through it all, rather than me looking to guide myself through it all, making myself my own higher power in the process. Unfortunately, I think more and more people are choosing to be the center of their own universes now, guiding themselves through all this drama in any way they know, which often ends up being more selfish and self-centered than selfless.

So, do I think people are losing their minds? Not exactly, no. What I do think though is that more and more people are living out of their minds with this increasing fear, choosing themselves before anyone else, focusing on pleasing their own nature, rather than being respectful of others. I know that pattern well having been an active and seriously sick addict for well over two decades with a number of addictions. Living in addictions often leads a person to act this way. I pray daily to my Higher Power to not be this way anymore, as I too have felt the desire to lash out at times with all this fear. And for the few times I have, I realize how toxic it’s been, not just for my spiritual path, but also for the world in general.

There indeed is a lot of fear in our crazy world right now and yes, the world does often feel so very upside down. But the answer to dealing with this isn’t through acts of expletive outbursts, rage, or physical violence. That will never change anything and will only make this problem grow worse. The answer I believe is to go within, to calm the mind enough to reach the heart/soul, as there seems to be the main place I always find a Greater love for others more so than myself. And the more I work on connecting to that place, the easier it’s been to diffuse and disconnect from any heightened situation that might otherwise become something far more out-of-control if I was to try to navigate it from my mind instead…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson