The Twelfth Step

There are plenty of films that have moved me to tears. Some of them have fallen as tears of joy while others have fallen as tears of sadness. The Fault In Our Stars is one of those rare ones where my tears fell somewhere in the middle.

The movie centers on Shailene Woodley as Hazel, who is living her life as best as she can with Stage 4 cancer. Through a support group she’s attending, Hazel meets a boy named Augustus, played by Ansel Elgort. While Augustus is really only attending the group for his friend, he too has battled the same disease, except his is in remission and resulted in a partial loss of one of his legs. Through charm, wit, and sheer confidence, Augustus soon gains the friendship of Hazel. Based upon a popular young adult novel of the same name, The Fault In Our Stars goes on to tell the story of Hazel and Augustus falling in love and then experiencing the tragedy of their disease as well.

This movie was reminiscent of another that moved me in the very same way. The title of that one was The Notebook. It’s generally rare that I’m able to feel my emotions so well throughout an entire movie. In most cases, I cry for a few moments in various parts of one or most likely at the end, but never throughout. The Fault In Our Stars and The Notebook are two of those movies that I sniffled almost from the very beginning to the entire end. But there was one thing that moved me so much more so in The Fault In Our Stars and it deals with accepting life on life’s terms and making the best of it.

Here were two teenagers whose love for each other was far stronger than their disease of cancer. They were able to look beyond their limitations and saw life for its potential. While I know the story is fictionalized, the reality is that there are many people in this world just like Augustus and Hazel. They do their best to find happiness in life regardless of their circumstances.

Joni Eareckson Tada is a real-life example of someone who has done this very thing. As a young teenager, she was an aspiring athlete who dove into water one day and broke her neck when she hit the bottom. After years of struggling with acceptance over being paralyzed from the neck down, she began to find peace and happiness in life by growing a spiritual ministry that eventually would inspire countless people such as me.

It’s no secret that I too have struggled with my current health issues in life just like Joni has. The only thing that has kept me going and given me any moments of peace and happiness is when I’ve been serving the God of my understanding. Whether that’s done in the words I write, or in the recovery work I do, or in any of my other day to day actions, I do my best to also accept life on life’s terms and make the best of it, just like August and Hazel did. Some days are much harder than others, but I’m always grateful for those where I feel truly happy inside, regardless of my current circumstances.

I’m truly thankful for the movies like The Fault In Our Stars that continue to remind me that no matter what I’m going through in life, that unconditional love and light can get me through anything…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I can’t imagine what it would be like having to relive any of my days over and over and over again. Truth be told, I’d probably initially have some fun with it, but eventually I think life would get pretty mundane. Groundhog Day starred Bill Murray and was the first movie I ever saw that portrayed someone having to live with this do-over concept. Edge Of Tomorrow is a more recent one that starred Tom Cruise and it too portrayed this repeat day syndrome, but in a totally different way

With Groundhog Day, Bill Murray works as a weatherman who’s forced to do his job at the annual winter festival in Punxsutawney, PA. The last place he wants to be is there so he quickly hurries through his required duties and attempts to head out of town as soon as they’re complete. Unfortunately, his team hits a freak snowstorm that has shut down the only highway out of town thus forcing him to return to the town he despises. Upon awakening the next morning, he quickly finds it’s still yesterday and begins the first of many repeat days to come. At first Murray is extremely sarcastic about what’s happening to him and does his best to poke fun at what he’s going through. He also starts taking advantage of others, knowing what’s going to happen. It’s not very long though, before he begins to grow bored with this. His mental states then shifts to that of trying to off himself in various ways, all of which are to no avail. Murray’s salvation from his insanity and sheer frustration comes eventually, when he begins to change his stripes by doing good deeds throughout each day. Throughout it all, he starts to fall for his co-worker and realizes that he must become a more selfless person if he’s ever to gain her affection. Groundhog Day is near the top of my list of movies I find most inspiring and it’s one I always feel so much better inside after watching it. After seeing Edge of Tomorrow, I have to say the feeling was quite similar.

In it, Tom Cruise is a Major in the United States military who’s summoned to take his media filming job to the front lines by a General overseeing an alien war. Having never seen any combat, Cruise attempts to blackmail the General to get out of being on the front lines. Instead, the General places him into custody and reduces him to a private where his only task is to fight in a super-soldier outfit alongside many other doomed soldiers. On his first day in combat, Cruise kills one of the aliens and somehow hijacks its ability to repeat each day. Like the progression of Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day, Cruise goes through something very similar. At first he tries to convince everyone what’s happening to him, but no one listens. After some time passes, he begins to learn how to be more skillful in battle and in doing so discovers a woman who once had the same ability as him. As he commences to forge a relationship with her while trying to find a way to win the war, Cruise’s character goes through a similar redemption of character like Murray did in Groundhog Day. And it’s one that sees Cruise’s stripes slowly change from that of a coward to one of a selfless hero.

In the end, what I found most inspiring about Groundhog Day and Edge of Tomorrow is the growth Bill Murray and Tom Cruise went through from selfish to selfless. While I haven’t been repeating the same day over and over again like they did in their movies, I have been experiencing a similar transformation over the past few years. When my physical pain began back in 2010, I stayed extremely selfish and kept on doing the same behaviors that I always did. As time passed and my pain didn’t end, I began to look at my life and saw how selfish and self-centered I was with everything I did. Through trial and error, hard work, and recovery, my Higher Power has helped me to change my own stripes to one that is much more selfless today.

I’m actually very thankful that I haven’t had to repeat the same day again and again because at least in my case, there’s always been something new to experience each and every day. For Bill Murray and Tom Cruise, that wasn’t the case, but they still were able to transform themselves in the end.

Hopefully I will never have to live in any type of a do-over type day, but if I do, I can promise you this. The only way I could survive repeating day after day would be to live as selflessly as much as possible. As only then could I keep my sanity, like I still have to do in life with all the pain I live with each and every day until my Higher Power says otherwise…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson