Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I’m Lois and I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.” Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a quavering voice, “thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief. The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom.” The entire congregation gasped again and held their breath. “Lois, the word was sternum NOT scrotum!”

Silly Joke #2

The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, “That’s a sheep!””That’s right!” said the teacher. “How about THIS one?” she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts. “That’s a lion!” answered a little boy. “Right!” said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. “What does your mother call your father?” Johnny said, “I know! I know! It’s a lazy old goat!”

Silly Joke #3

A kindergarten student was having trouble putting on his boots, and asked his teacher for help. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, they got both boots on. She grimaced when the little boy said, “They’re on the wrong feet.”Sure enough, they were. The teacher kept her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on – this time on the correct feet. The little boy then announced, “These aren’t my boots.” The teacher sighed and pulled the boots off. The boy then said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear them.” The teacher felt like crying, but she mustered up the strength to wrestle the boots back onto his feet. “Now,” she said, “Where are your mittens?” The boy replied, “I stuffed them in my boots….”

Bonus Silly Joke

A psychiatrist’s secretary walked into his study and said, “There’s a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he’s invisible.”The psychiatrist responded, “Tell him I can’t see him today.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question To Ponder For The Day

Which one of these answers BEST describes you?

(a) Fully honest about your life with everyone in general.
(b) Fully honest about your life to your closest of friends, yet not so much when it comes to everyone else.
(c) More honest about your life with people you don’t know, rather than those you do.
(d) Totally honest about some parts of your life, especially when you’re trying to impress someone(s).
(e) Honest about your life only when you feel like you really have to be.
(f) Dishonest about most of your life with people in general.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Liam Neeson’s Humble Honesty And Why People Continue To Remain Dishonest In This World…

Liam Neeson, a movie actor best known for his roles in Schindler’s List and Taken, seems to have caused quite a stir with much of the public this week when he honestly and quite humbly disclosed something that he did well over 40 years ago now, leading people to believe he’s a racist.

During a press interview for his new movie Cold Pursuit, Neeson openly admitted a childhood story that surrounded one of his closest friends getting brutally raped by a black man. He said he was so angry when he learned of it that he went into a fit of rage by walking up and down primarily black neighborhoods with a metal bar in hand looking to kill any “black bastard” who crossed his path, and that he would have reacted the same towards whatever the race of the culprit had been. He also admitted how grateful he was that nothing came of it and how wrong his actions were as well. He told the interviewer that he sought help from a priest and several of his friends to let it go soon afterwards.

From a spiritual perspective, how I view this whole thing is vastly different than how the masses seem to be taking it. While the public continues to outcry “Racist!”, I see a man who’s being very much humble, admitting to a flawed moment from years ago, one he regrets, yet one he wanted to get fully honest with.

One may wonder why Neeson even shared this story at all to someone from the media, given how much the media likes to look for the juiciest of gossip and then smear it all over the news. I’m sure it arose solely because the plot of his new movie surrounds him as a good-natured snowplow driver who suddenly seeks revenge when his beloved son is killed due to a psychotic drug lord. Regardless, I’m actually saddened at this public lynching of Neeson that appears to be taking place now all because of his honest disclosure of an incident that took place some 40 years ago.

If you’ve ever asked the question why people continue to remain dishonest in this world?

This is why!

Because honesty only continues to cause tons of people to point the finger at someone else’s actions, rather than point those fingers back at themselves.

Have you ever done something in your life you aren’t proud of, that could have or actually did hurt another?

Have you ever gone into a fit of rage and thought about killing someone before you ultimately came to your senses?

Have you ever said something that was potentially racist and regretted it?

It’s a good thing I’m not famous and am pretty much a nobody in this world, because the press would have a field day with me. My former life is filled with far too many of these incidents that could be smeared with a vast number of judgments and labels placed upon me.

But I continue to remain honest in every way possible, because I’m not perfect and have made a lot of mistakes in my life that I regret. And I find it freeing to show my own flaws and imperfections rather than hide them. That’s why I applaud Neeson for getting honest with his interviewer and why I don’t view Neeson as a racist whatsoever over something he said and did some four decades ago. I don’t believe he should be judged for it either and I’m frustrated with this world for continuing to point the fingers and judge everyone else for their mistakes, instead of taking a hard look in the mirror.

Sadly, the mass negative reaction to Neeson’s honesty is precisely why people in general are so afraid to tell the truth. Because as soon as they do, it’s almost as if the darkness on this planet quickly jumps all over them, rather than surrounding them with unconditional love, light, and forgiveness. Hopefully one day, more people will become like Neeson, someone who decided in a humble moment to get honest about their flawed past.

So, if you are someone who’s going to keep casting stones out there, remember as you do, that for every one you throw, there’s probably a number of them that can be thrown back at you as wellAnd maybe you need to get honest with yourself instead, like Liam Neeson…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson