“Euphoric Recall”

“Euphoric recall” is a psychological term for the tendency of people to remember past experiences in a positive light, while overlooking the negative experiences that were associated with those events.  It’s also a term that many people know quite well in the recovery world from addiction, especially me.

Most of us there have at times found how easy it was to forget about all the bad things that happened to us in the past with something that also gave us a good amount of pleasure at one point or another. Take for example my former drinking and drugging days. I had plenty of moments during all those years when the buzzes and highs only complimented my life. But eventually the addictions to those substances took over and caused a large amount of destruction to my life. Once I found sobriety from both though and the sober years began to accumulate, I started to forget about how bad it really got during those days when I drank and drugged. Because of that, it’s occasionally caused me to feel tempted from time to time to return to them. Thankfully though I haven’t and much of that is in part due to my regular attendance to AA meetings, as there I hear plenty of horror stories that bring me back to much of my own from back in the day. This is probably why I don’t find myself doing much euphoric recall anymore when it comes to the life I once had with alcohol and drugs.

Unfortunately, I can’t say that’s the case though for my recovery in the sex and love addiction realm. Maybe that’s because I allowed that addiction to be in charge of my life for far longer than alcohol and drugs ever was. Or maybe it’s because sexuality is such an innate part of each of us. Regardless, I find myself at times remembering former sexual behaviors with greater fondness than they truly deserve. Just the other day in fact I thought of someone for a few moments who I used to hook up with every now and then. And while we might have had some great times here and there doing that, there was also a lot of things about that connection that never felt too good, except I find I have to think far harder to remember them.

The truth is, I was able to experience some pretty great highs at various times and even numb a lot of my pain for extended periods when engaging in the sex and love addiction. I’m sure that’s ultimately what has led me from time to time to totally forget about the destruction this disease gave me in the long run, like all the abuse I endured from it, like all the neglect I gave my mind and body from it, like all the dirtiness I felt inside from it, like all the money I threw away because of it, and like all the distance I placed between myself and God because of it.

So while I haven’t been overly tempted to engage in euphoric recall in my recovery from alcohol and drugs, the challenge has been far greater in my recovery from sex and love addiction. This is why I have had to remain extremely vigilant in writing articles about this addiction and it’s why I continue to go regularly to SAA and SLAA meetings. I don’t ever want to forget that my path ended at a mental hospital after I attempted suicide in my last bout with this addiction.

Thank God I’m not in that place with this addiction anymore. And thank God this addiction is not in charge of me like it used to be. But I also know that at any point in time it could be if I ceased doing my recovery efforts, especially with what I do everyday to cultivate my relationship with God. After all, if it wasn’t for God’s work and guidance in my life, I’d probably be giving in to that euphoric recall and returning to that darkness from where I once lived.

The fact is I’m not living in that darkness anymore and I’m doing everything I can to remain in the light instead. And I most definitely wish to remain there, but to do so, I must always remember one thing. While all of my former addictions to various people, places, and things might have had their highs and good times at one point or another, they also constantly led me into total despair, chaos, and misery. That’s why euphoric recall is always dangerous to dabble in, especially for those like me who are in recovery from one or more addictions…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson