Thinking The Relapse Through

For those who have ever faced any addiction and found recovery from it, I truly believe there are always going to be certain times in life when the going gets rough and the ego starts attempting to tell you all over again to return to it for a little ease and comfort. But that’s precisely when a recovery tool can be utilized and that’s to think the relapse through.

What I mean by thinking the relapse through is placing serious though to what will probably happen each step along the way when going down the rabbit hole of re-engaging in the addiction.

With drinking, it starts of course with the first drink. Ahhh that ease and comfort feels so great and surely those problems we have in life can be addressed later. And maybe for a while we’re able to manage our intake and regulate the number of drinks we consume. But then one of those problems we’re trying so desperately not to think about in life grows worse and we decide to have an all-out binge because of it. And that’s when the dominos begin to really fall. We get into a fight. We seriously hurt someone else or ourselves. We get caught driving while intoxicated. We lose our job. We go to jail. The list is endless of the unfortunate consequences of our relapse back into our alcoholism. The good thing though is that many who use this tool and think their alcoholic relapse through, often find themselves no longer having the urge after doing so.

I’ve seen this pattern hold true with any other addiction as well. Thinking about returning to a sex and love addiction. Well that can lead to the loss of a marriage, getting arrested, being robbed, or acquiring a sexually transmitted disease. How about going back to a gambling addiction? Well that can lead to the loss of one’s home, the ability to feed and clothe oneself, and possibly even having violent bookies come after you. And then there are those who consider returning to a drug addiction. Sadly, doing so can lead to overdose, permanent health issues, and possibly even death.

The fact is, with each of the addictions I’ve ever been tempted to go back to, I find myself using this recovery tool whenever I see my thinking going down this path. As soon as I’m tempted, I think the relapse through and remember all of the terrible consequences that can and most likely will happen the more I fall deeper and deeper back into the addiction.

So is that initial relapse for just one more time worth it? I’ve thought it through far too many times and even when the going gets as rough as it has for me, especially in recent months, I’ve found no desire to watch the chips fall any worse for me, until I have none left at all.

Thank God for this invaluable, but simple recovery tool.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“The Walk”, An Exciting And Inspiring Film About A Daring Tightrope Act

I have some pretty fond memories of the World Trade Towers from my youth. Going to the top of them was always a fun thing to do as a kid and I did it many-a-times because of that. But one memory I don’t have from back then deals with something that happened between the two towers in 1974 and that’s only because I was two at the time. It was on the morning of August 7th of that year that Philippe Petit performed on a tightrope between both towers for over 45 minutes. And now 41 years later, his journey to that precise moment is chronicled quite well in Robert Zemeckis’s moving film, The Walk, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Petit.

When I first saw a preview of The Walk and learned what it was about, I wondered if they had enough material to keep viewers interested for its 2+ hour running time, especially when every single trailer only showed the extreme height of the towers and Petit balancing over the edge of one of them. But indeed, Zemeckis worked his magic once again, like I felt he did in the movie Flight with Denzel Washington. Spending much of the film focusing light-heartedly on Petit’s youth and how he became interested in doing his actual tightrope acts, I never found myself getting bored one bit with his screenplay.

While Joseph Gordon-Levitt may not have looked much like Pettit from the pictures I’ve seen of the actual Frenchman, he does do an absolutely superb job with his French accent and French dialogue. I also greatly appreciated watching Ben Kingsley play Petit’s mentor, Papa Rudy, who was the one that specifically taught him how to master the art of walking a tightrope.

What I liked best about The Walk though was the actual drive and inspiration that Philippe Petti had in life. Not once did he ever waiver from his dream to cross between the two Towers, even as he faced one difficult obstacle after another. And through it all, he still found a way to surpass such incredible odds and do something no other man ever did.

With so many of us giving up on our own quests in life all too often, especially when the going gets as rough as it does sometimes, Petit showed us that even the impossible is possible. This is why I’m thankful I took the time to watch this movie because it was a great motivator and reminder to not give up on the quest I’ve been on for the last bunch of years with my health and healing.

So if you are looking for an exciting and inspiring film, I recommend checking out The Walk. Robert Zemeckis has done such a fine job within it resurrecting both towers through the magic of Hollywood and helps to remind us through the eyes of one man named Philippe Petit, why they were so majestic in the first place. Oh and one final suggestion, watch it in 3D if you can, as the special effects definitely make you feel as if you are right there on the tightrope alongside Petit himself…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Making Amends On The Fly

Four years ago when I was facing the worst of an active sex and love addiction, it was suggested that if I wanted to find freedom from that disease that I cut out anyone from my life who I find triggering. In other words, I needed to distance myself from all those who I felt sparked me into acting out in the addiction. But the most frustrating part about that action was that I had no idea who I found triggering and who I didn’t. So I did the most extreme thing possible, which was to cut everyone out of my life whom I found attractive at the time. While that decision did help me to create a strong foundation for my recovery from this addiction, it also led to me causing some harm to people who considered me a friend. Thankfully though, the Universe has been having some of them resurface in my life recently in strange ways, thus giving me the chance to make amends on the fly.

The first of those came through two missed calls from the same number on a Friday afternoon. I had been on the phone talking with someone when I saw an incoming call from Virginia. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the opportunity to connect over and see who it was, but a few minutes later a second call from the same number came in again. Usually when something like this happens, I assume it’s important, so I promptly ended the one call and called back the other. At first, the individual who answered on the other end apologized and said it had been a mistake. They told me they had my number from long ago and were trying to dial someone else, but somehow it kept calling me instead. When I asked who it was, I learned it was a friend who I used to talk with on many-a-nights long ago during the depths of my sex and love addiction. They were someone I found attractive but other than random flirtation, there had never been a part of my worst “acting out” behaviors. Yet they had gotten caught in the crossfire of my disease and my subsequent cut and run action. After realizing who it was, I immediately took the opportunity to make an amends with them. I owned up to the fear I was going through at the time and how my disease had caused me to be selfish and self-seeking with them more than not. When my amends was complete, my old friend forgave me and said thank you for be so honest. And in the end, the twenty-minute conversation proved to be healing for the both of us.

The second person to resurface from my addiction-laden past was actually someone who was hurt even worse by my cut and run action. They had been a much closer friend, someone who I spent time with in person, had played cards with, done dinners out with, and even attended church together. And while I was attracted to them as well, they had never been a part of my worst “acting out” behaviors either. What I didn’t know was that this individual had been reading my blog and staying connected with me from afar. But upon reading one of my musings one day where I had written about my lack of friendships in life, they left me a comment saying they still cared about me. I had no doubt in my mind at that precise moment that my Higher Power wanted me to contact this person and I did just that a day later. We ended having a truly blessed conversation that lasted for quite a while over the phone. During it, I took the time to make another amends, citing out my fears and the selfish and self-seeking behaviors I had once done with such regularity that I knew had affected them. And like my other recent on the fly amends, this one went very well too. They forgave me and we agreed to start reconnecting again.

So as I reflect on both of these amends that I made on the fly, I feel blessed because I believe that both random resurfacings are signs of how much I’ve healed and spiritually grown from this disease. And while I’m sure there will be plenty more that resurface over time to make amends with, I’m grateful to my Higher Power for showing me how far I’ve come since April 23rd, 2012, which was the date I began my journey to freedom from a terrible sex and love addiction.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson