The Twelfth Step

Cancelling Plans At The Last Minute For A Better Option

Have you ever had someone cancel plans on you at the last minute because a better option arose for them? I have, more times than I can count. But sadly, I’ve also been the one who’s done the cancelling as well, except I never knew how that felt until it kept happening to me.

Sometimes I think that’s the way the Universe operates. We do a particular thing that in our minds is quite harmless, but yet we fail to realize on some level the harm that was actually done through our action. And the only way we ever get to see that is by having it done to us.

For years, I cancelled plans at the last minute on someone for any number of reasons that included things such as getting invited to a party, spending time with someone I had the hot’s for, or receiving tickets to some special event. In my mind, I always justified that action thinking the other person would understand and I could just reschedule. Unfortunately, most of them did reschedule and rarely did any tell me how it felt inside each time I did it to them. Because of that, I never learned the lesson.

Except the tide eventually turned on me for a good number of years when I started having this same behavior happen to me. When various individuals in my life whom I really wanted to spend time with began cancelling plans at the last minute on me, especially during weekends, leaving me with nothing to do but watch television and be alone, it’s when I truly began to understand the harm I had caused others who I had done the same thing to.

My ego was always the sole reason why I justified that action of cancelling on another at the last minute. And with it in charge, I never once thought about how those people I had plans with might not have had anyone else to spend time with. I never thought about the lonely evenings they could have endured because of it. I never thought about how much they probably were looking forward to it in week’s prior. The fact is, I never thought about them at all, I only thought about myself, and my own needs, wants, and desires.

A friend posed a question on Facebook recently that asked what everyone’s definition of love is. I said that I believe love is when someone else’s needs, wants, and desires become far more important than my own. Applying this definition to the case of cancelling plans on another at the last minute, it’s my belief that I’m as far from demonstrating that as I could be by doing this.

So I’m really trying to live today with that age-old adage that says to do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Because ultimately it never felt good on any level when someone cancelled plans on me at the last minute, thus why should I ever do it to anyone else? I’m just glad I totally see this now…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Andy’s Woodsy Adventure – Chapter 9

Q: What do Italian’s eat on Friday the 13th?
A: Fettuccini Afraid-o!

AAAH! It’s Friday the 13^th everyone, aren’t you scared? I remember when Doodyhead made me watch the original movie and not being able to sleep one bit because of it. Didn’t he know he wasn’t supposed to take a kid to see an “R” rated movie? Geez. LOL. Anyway, we’re back from vacation and it’s already time for another chapter in my woodsy adventure. Yeah! As always, the links to the previous ones are included first. Happy reading everyone!

Andy’s Woodsy Adventure – Chapter 9

The entire cafeteria suddenly erupted in laughter at the ridiculous sight of the gang of underwear buddies who had tried to have fun at my expense. Each of their grins immediately faded into looks of horror and embarrassment, especially the one who had tried to trip me. Everyone was mostly pointing at him and his pink tighty-whities. And it was me now who was the one grinning from ear to ear, as the four of them quickly pulled up their pants and ran outside to the playground hoping to escape the thunderous laughter surrounding them. I secretly celebrated my victory and even though no one knew how or who had done the hilarious prank, it still felt pretty darn good inside.

The rest of my first day back at school seemed to zoom by after that and I’m grateful to report there were no other incidents to speak of. Soon I was back home sitting on my bed looking at the crystal that had saved me and was slowly transforming me into Andy 2.0. I thought about how it had worked in the cafeteria even though I hadn’t been holding onto it and wondered just how far away I could be from it to still work. I decided this was as good of a time as any to figure that mystery out because no one was home at the moment.

After setting the crystal down on my desk, I walked out of my room and stood right outside the door. I grabbed the quarter in my pocket that was left over from lunch earlier today and threw it up in the air.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

The quarter lay motionless in the air at almost my eye-level.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

I caught the quarter as gravity took back hold of it and next headed down the hallway to the top of the stairs. I couldn’t see the crystal anymore of course and was probably a good 20 to 30 feet away from it now. I then tossed the quarter back into the air.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

My quarter was frozen once again, hanging in the air right before my eyes.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

I caught the quarter again and decided this time to try it just outside the front door of my house. As I stood there on the porch and threw the quarter up in the air again, I half expected it wasn’t going to work this time.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

Cool! I was totally shocked to see the quarter hovering in mid-air and began wondering if there were any limitations with distance from it at all? I decided to try one more test.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

After catching the quarter I walked down the street all the way to the bus stop, which was a pretty good hike from my house. I felt kind of stupid standing there with no one around as I tossed the quarter back into the air.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

It still worked! I couldn’t believe it! I flicked the suspended quarter with my finger in delight, half expecting it to then fall to the ground. But ironically, it only moved forward a few inches and remained motionless in mid-air. Huh. That interesting I thought and made a mental note of it.

“Well it appears there’s no limitations with distance…” I said aloud as if anyone could be listening with time being paused.

I wonder…

“Gemini!”

Nothing.

“Gemini!!!”

Still nothing.

“Libra!”

WHOOSH…

“Gemini!”

POP…

“Hey Andy! What’s up?” said Andy #2 suddenly appearing to my right as he caught the quarter before it hit the ground.

“Not much! Man this is so weird talking to myself!” I said laughing. “Hey, I’ve been playing around with my crystal and seeing what it can and can’t do. Do you know anything else about it?”

“How could I know anything else about it? I’m you and know as much as you do silly! Like the fact you’ve been doing this quarter test now since you got home from school. And like the fact that you’re at this precise moment starting to think about trying to pause time with me still here with you, right?”

“Stop doing that!”

“Stop doing what?

“Stop reading my thoughts!”

“How can I be reading your thoughts if I’m you?”

“Ugh!”

“Libra!”

Nothing.

“See, I told you so!” said Andy #2 grinning.

We both started laughing when a voice suddenly came from behind.

“What’s so funny?” said Chris, a fellow 7^th grader from my neighborhood who I didn’t really know all too well, as he walked around me and was now standing directly in front of us. “Hey, I never knew you have a twin brother?!”

I looked over at Andy #2 and knew exactly what he was thinking, especially because of the look that was now on his face, which I’m sure matched my own. My mind began racing on what to do and in all honesty, I’d probably get in trouble and have my mouth washed out with soap if I were to say the word I really want to say right now…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Control Issues Versus The 3rd Step

I have the tendency to believe that every single human being on this planet has control issues of some sort with some being worse with it than others. Many of those in recovery from addictions like myself have discovered through the 12 Steps just how controlling we’ve been, which was usually more than not. But I’ve come to understand on my spiritual journey in life that I need to part ways with that aspect of myself if my goal is to live a life of peace, love, light, and joy.

Parting ways with my control issues has not been an easy process. Most of my attempts to take charge of everything or everyone around me began long before I ever picked up my first addiction, which was alcohol. By the time I found recovery over a decade after getting clean and sober, most of my control issues were so deeply ingrained in my daily behaviors that I wasn’t even aware of them. Over time in practicing the 12 Steps, I began to realize that every one of my attempts to continue controlling anything or anybody was going in the exact opposite direction from the underlying intention of the steps, especially the 3^rd one.

For those who may not be familiar with the 3^rd Step, it’s generally written as “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power as we understood our Higher Power.” But anytime I’ve ever attempted to control someone or something, I wasn’t turning my will or my life over to anything but myself. What’s even more interesting is what I found happened the more I continued to exert that control.

Take for example a person I met a good number of years ago now who’s no longer a part of my life. As my connection developed with them, they allowed me to exercise my control over them in most aspects of their life. Eventually, this person became just like me in so many ways and guess what, I couldn’t stand the sight of them by then because ultimately I was really just taking a look at myself at who I had become. In other words my control issues had morphed this person into nothing more than a mirror image of myself, which I didn’t like very much back then.

The beauty of the 12 steps though, especially the 3^rd one, can help to change this. It is amazing to see how wonderful life can be when one’s Higher Power is running the show, instead of their control. This is what I’ve been working towards diligently for the past couple of years now, but I’m far from perfect with it yet. I still have my moments where I find myself trying to take charge of things I have no business taking charge of. In fact I did it just recently in abundance with someone I know from the recovery rooms where the only result was them getting angry with me and hanging up the phone in the middle of our conversation.

I don’t blame them for their action because it’s things like this that not only bring me greater humility in life, but are also very important reminders of how I still have more work to do on letting go of my control issues and turning my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power. And I know now that the more I do this, the more I will find myself maintaining that goal of living my life with peace, love, light, and joy…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

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